Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
DANA
I couldn’t believe Phillip had the gall to show up in person and try to intimidate Emily into staying quiet. He gave the impression of someone who thought they were invincible, that their wealth and power could protect them from the ramifications that ordinary people faced for their behavior.
I clenched my jaw. He’d better not try to intimidate Emily again or I’d…
What would I do? Threaten him with my axe?
That wasn’t really my vibe. But perhaps when pushed…
I could see myself rampaging through his fancy mansion, wielding my axe and chopping into some priceless heirlooms. It would certainly be cathartic.
I shook myself out of my revenge fantasy to focus on Emily.
Her brow was pinched, her face paler than usual.
“Should we head home?” I asked.
I wanted to hug her, to tell her everything would be okay. But I didn’t want to overstep and make her feel uncomfortable.
Emily hugged herself. “Yes, please.”
“Why don’t I call us a taxi, so at least you don’t have to deal with the subway?”
As I pulled out my phone, Emily burst into tears.
I stood there, helplessly.
My eyes landed on the row of tiny wooden Christmas chalets down the street.
“Let’s get one of those tiny log cabins and decompress,” I suggested gently.
Emily nodded through her tears.
I handed my credit card to a woman dressed like a Swiss milkmaid and then we were bundled into the tiny log cabin.
Inside, a large table, with two benches on either side, consumed most of the room.
Ornaments and fake Christmas greenery hung from the ceiling.
Through the glass window at the end of the cabin, the rink was teeming with skaters.
“You have to admit, my place is definitely more spacious,” I said, closing the door firmly behind us.
Emily gave a small laugh, and then wrapped her arms around my waist. I pulled her tight to me.
“That was intense,” I murmured into her hair. “Are you okay?”
“No,” Emily said, a shuddering sob traveling through her body.
There was a loud rap on the door and we jumped back.
“Come in,” I called.
The door opened and a man wearing what looked like a Swiss yodeler outfit peered in. “Can I take your order? There’s a $25 food-and-beverage minimum per person.”
Of course there was. But it was worth the money to have Emily somewhere safe and private.
I grabbed the menu off the table and scanned it. “How about cheese fondue and some water?”
You couldn’t go wrong with cheese and carbs.
Emily nodded. The yodeler typed something into his tablet and disappeared, shutting the door behind him.
I turned my attention back to Emily. She was looking so small and sad.
“Dana,” Emily’s voice wobbled. “I think you should go back to Sapphire Springs...alone.”
Tightness wrapped around my chest and throat. That was not what I was expecting.
“What? Why?”
“I’m sorry. I love being with you. But you heard what Charles and Rebecca said.
Once the story comes out, the media will be trawling through my private life, trying to rake up dirt on me.
And Phillip threatened to do the same. It seems like he’s already sent private investigators after me.
If they keep watching us, they’ll almost certainly figure out we’ve been staying with each other and put two and two together.
I know how private you are. It wouldn’t be pleasant for either of us if our private life was plastered all over the news.
” Emily grabbed my hand. “I know it sucks, but we can still call and message each other.” She bit her lip, her brow furrowed. Tears welled in her eyes.
I swallowed. I did not want us to end like this. I had to say something. “Would it really be that bad if it did come out? I mean, it’s the twenty-first century. Being queer isn’t ‘dirt’, or a dark secret that needs to be hidden. Most people don’t give a damn who you’re dating.”
Emily ran her fingers over a round cardboard coaster on the table.
“I know, I know. I’d been starting to think the same thing.
But what Charles said yesterday, about openly queer actors finding it hard to get roles and being type-cast?
And Brittany said the same. I’m just trying to get my career back on track.
Being outed right now would be terrible timing. ”
“I know he said that, but there are plenty of out actors. Kristin Stewart, Sarah Paulson, Jodie Foster…” I wracked my brain trying to think of more.
“And they all came out after they had established careers in the industry.” The corners of Emily’s lips wobbled.
She picked up the coaster and rolled it on its edge, backward and forward.
“It’s not fair, but I do worry that coming out right now could help distract from what Phillip’s done and damage my chances of getting new roles. ”
It felt like a tractor had rolled onto my chest, squeezing all the air out.
“So, would this just be it, then? We’d go back to being just friends now, instead of waiting until after Christmas?”
Tears ran down Emily’s face. “We always knew our relationship had an expiration date.”
I let out a shuddering breath.
This is it.
I’d let myself start to hope that Emily might change her mind. The last thing I’d prepared for was Emily moving the expiration date on our relationship forward.
“If that’s what you want, I obviously need to respect that, even if that’s not what I want.”
I would be leaving Emily just before the Phillip article was published. I wanted to be able to support her, but was that going to be possible, or would I need some space to accept things were over between us?
Emily reached out, gripping my hand in hers.
“I’m sorry. I know this is shitty. Everything’s moving so quickly at the moment, and I just want to tread carefully.
I’ll call Roz and let her know I won’t be able to keep working on the farm, unless you’d rather speak to her.
But I really do want to stay friends.” Emily’s mouth wavered.
There was a knock on the door. Emily pulled her arm away, cool air filling the void where her hand had been.
“Here’s your fondue,” another Swiss yodeler said as he deposited a giant pot of melted cheese and a large platter of bread and vegetables for dipping.
As the yodeler slipped out of the cabin, I handed Emily a long fork. She speared a piece of bread and dipped it in the cheese.
My appetite had vanished, but I picked up a fork, dunked some bread in the cheese, and then popped it in my mouth. Rich, savory and a little nutty. Objectively, it was delicious. But I had to force it down.
This is it.
I gazed out the window. Below, skaters glided across the ice, enjoying a happy moment while I felt like I was sinking deep into a grain bin.
As we slowly nibbled our way through the food, we exchanged brief commentary on what was happening on the rink below, as though our worlds weren’t crumbling.
A teenager collided with a woman taking a selfie, an experienced skater did a jump and three people fell over, laughing. Light, carefree moments.
Everything felt off. Strained. Was this how things would be between us from now on? The lump in my throat swelled, and I set my fork down. I didn’t know if I could return to just being friends again.
“I can head home as soon as we get back,” I said, my mouth dry, when we were on the train rattling over Manhattan Bridge, the sun setting over the East River.
Emily frowned. “It’ll be dark soon. Are you sure it’s safe? Maybe you should wait until tomorrow.”
I cleared my throat. “I think it’s best I go tonight.”
Emily didn’t sound convinced but for all we knew, Phillip’s private investigators could still be following us.
Better to leave before it caused her even more stress.
Better not to draw out our parting. It would kill me, spending another night under the same roof, knowing it was our last one together.
We trudged back to Emily’s house from the station. My chest tight and fighting tears, I threw my clothes into my bag, said goodbye to her parents and jumped in my truck for the long drive home alone.