Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
KENNEDY
After promising Claudia I’ll come back and see her again, I make my way back to Theodore’s house feeling lighter than ever, and not just because I’ve completely let go of my physical body.
After realizing I was dead, the existential thought of What do I do now?
plagued my mind. I have no doubt that part of the reason I was brought to Shadow Hills was to reconnect with my sister, but why not take advantage of another opportunity I’ve been given?
Maybe being tethered to Theodore’s house was happenstance, but while I’m here, I can at least try to make a difference.
As I float back through the forest, my mind wandering with a thousand possibilities, I hear snow crunch to my right. Instinctively, I shoot upward, hiding behind one of the lower hanging branches. I expect to see an animal, or even a stranger taking a stroll, but it’s neither.
Theodore appears below me, fully corporeal. He’s wearing the same set of suspenders and peacoat as when I first met him in the void, and I wonder if it’s the outfit he died in. His scraggly dark hair blows wildly across his forehead and into his eyes.
He stops right under me and scans the area carefully before turning his gaze up. He must have sensed me somehow because he doesn’t look surprised.
“Have you been out here all morning?” he asks quietly. The sun is high in the sky which means it must be around noon. I didn’t realize I’d been gone for so long.
I lower myself back down to the snowy ground, landing less than a foot from his chest. He gazes at me openly, waiting for my answer like he actually wants to know.
I didn’t think he’d notice I was gone.
“No, I went into town. I was just on my way back.”
The way he continues to hold my gaze is intense. I don’t think he’s blinked since he first spotted me.
“Did you chat with anyone while you were there?” he asks.
“I saw a few familiar faces,” I admit. “And I met the mayor.”
His eyebrows disappear beneath his bangs. “Really? On your first day?” He looks away abashedly. “You don’t waste any time.”
I know there’s a joke in there somewhere, but I’m not sure what he’s implying. He almost looks ashamed. But not at me.
“I didn’t know Musthaven was still here,” I say. “I’m glad I found out.”
He lifts his head. “I would have told you, but you were in a bit of a rush to leave this morning. I thought maybe you would have had more questions for me, but you seemed to have other plans.”
It occurs to me that I may have hurt Theodore’s feelings by not speaking with him before I left. Now that I think about it, I am technically a guest in his house, and coming and going without telling him is a little rude.
“Sorry, I was just excited to start exploring,” I apologize. “I do have questions. Lots, actually.”
“Alright.” He shoves his hands into his trousers and begins walking back in the direction of which he came. He turns to look back at me. “What else would you like to know?”
I hover beside him as he treads carefully over the frozen ground. His steps look slightly unsure. Perhaps it’s been a while since he’s used his physical legs.
“I was wondering about…clothes.”
He eyes me dubiously from his peripheral vision. “You wear them.” Then he takes me in from head to toe, gradually scanning the length of my entire body, causing a tingle in my belly. “But it looks like you’ve got that part figured out.”
A chill races down my spine from the heat of his stare. Even if I weren’t currently transparent, his eyes looked as if they could see right through me. I’m so caught off guard that I don’t even call him out on making fun of me.
“I want to know how to change them,” I clarify. “Why am I still stuck in the same sweater and jeans I died in?”
He gives me a knowing look. “Why do you think so?”
I think about it for a moment and realize what he’s insinuating.
I have to want it.
“But if it’s like shifting forms, then why hasn’t it worked yet? I’ve definitely thought about changing clothes, and I want to do it.”
“Have you thought about what you want to wear?” he asks bluntly.
No. I haven’t.
Wow, being dead really is all about the details.
I pause in place and Theodore stops ahead of me, turning to watch.
I close my eyes, imagining the comfiest outfit I owned—the one I really want to wear.
I don’t feel anything happening on my body, but as I peek one eye open, I see the sweater is gone.
Only, I’m not wearing the red flannel and black leggings I was picturing.
Instead, I’ve got on a matching set of teddy bear pajamas!
My cheeks flame, but Theodore is smiling. I’ve even managed to summon my fuzzy pink slippers, and they’ve certainly captured his attention.
“Oh my god.” I cross my arms, doing absolutely nothing to hide myself, but I’m so embarrassed I don’t know what else to do. “This was not what I had in mind.”
Theodore chuckles. “Your subconscious must have had other plans. Try again, and remember, it’s about what you want to happen.”
I close my eyes again and focus even harder this time.
Clearly my true desire was to go to bed, but that’s not what I’m trying to accomplish right now.
I bring the outfit to the front of my mind and imagine how it would feel on my body.
The form-fitting leggings that provide support and comfort, the flannel that’s been worn so often, the fabric is super soft, and the basic cropped tank that goes with everything.
This time, I can feel that it worked. My eyes shoot open and I spin around, squealing excitedly to myself. “I did it!”
Theodore’s smile stretches to the corners of his eyes now. “You did.”
“Does this mean I can change other things too?” I ask, a million possibilities swimming through my head. “Can I change my hair?”
He blows air through his nose and shakes his head. “If you’re asking to go blonde, then no. You can only access what you had in life.”
“Eh,” I let out with a shrug. “It was worth a shot.”
We continue our walk through the barren trees until I finally spot the top turret of Theodore’s house just ahead. With the house comes a fresh wave of exhaustion crashing over me. All that shifting back and forth must really be catching up with me. My subconscious clearly knew something I didn’t.
Theodore and I continue toward the house side by side, him walking slowly and me hovering to match his speed. When we reach the porch, another awkward silence stretches between us, but I don’t let it settle.
“I think I’m going to go lie down,” I suggest. “Going into town took a lot out of me.”
He nods knowingly. “Of course.”
I don’t want to make the same mistake I did this morning, so I decide to include him in my plans.
“I’m going back tomorrow,” I say.
I’m not ready to tell him about finding my sister just yet. Though I know it will probably be headline news eventually, given the size of the town. Right now, I want to keep this small treasure for myself.
But another idea comes to mind.
“Would you want to come with me?” I nervously fiddle with the hem of my flannel before adding, “Maybe you can show me around.”
Theodore’s eyes glaze over with indifference; the soft features of his smile are now gone. “I can’t. But thank you for the invitation.”
I’ve struck a nerve. Clearly, he has no desire to go any farther than the woods.
To be honest, I’m surprised to see him out of the house.
From just the little interaction we’ve had so far, Theodore has clung to the walls of his mansion like a vice, hardly emerging from the shadows.
Seeing him outside in the daylight has given me a fresh perspective.
The dark circles under his eyes are prominent, along with the frown lines around his mouth.
He doesn’t look much older than me, yet his body language and the extreme dip to his shoulders tells a different story.
Something has burdened this man for a long time, so long he’s nearly been buried by it.
Theodore takes a painful breath and closes his eyes. He must have seen the disappointment on my face.
“If you want,” he says, “you can go into town during the day. Talk to people, explore a little. Then, in the evenings, we can talk. Ask me whatever questions you have, and I’ll try my best to answer them.”
I smile with satisfaction at this compromise. “Sure. That sounds good.”
Without saying anything else, his body fades into wispy smoke as he moves through the closed front door. I only hesitate for a second before following him, but when I emerge on the other side, he’s already gone.