Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
KENNEDY
“It’s a television channel that’s all about home renovations,” I tell him. “House flipping, decorating, things like that.”
He makes a wry face. “People watch that?”
“All day,” I deadpan.
He grins, and instead of his normal shyness, it feels pronounced. Intentional.
Like he’s flirting…
Oh god. Was that a smolder?
While I’m still digesting this, Theo interrupts my spiral.
“I should get a television then,” he starts, moving closer to the bed. “And I was thinking, if you don’t have plans tomorrow, I’d like to pick out some paint colors.”
I’m immediately pulled out of my head. “It’s way too early to start painting. There’s still a lot of work that needs to be done. What about Aidan’s list?”
I say all of this without thinking, and Theo’s no longer grinning. His face falls with disappointment.
He wants to pick out paint colors with me.
“But to hell with it!” I blurt out. “There’s no time like the present.” I shoot up from the bed, only now I’m standing really close to Theo, and he’s peering down at me with hope in his eyes.
Has he always been this tall?
“Just picking out the colors doesn’t hurt,” I say quietly.
His closed mouth smile spreads upward. “That’s what I was thinking.”
There is definitely something happening here. There were moments before—small, very miniscule moments that I could easily misconstrue—but this is more than a moment. This is an era. Something has shifted between us, and I no longer feel like the one in control.
I was supposed to be the one helping Theo break out of his shell. But right now, it feels like he’s completely abandoned that shell and is standing on dry land.
No more thawing of his icy exterior. Just Theo, warm and inviting.
“Have you eaten?” Theo asks, piercing through another one of my spirals.
I barely shake my head. “Not since breakfast.”
He turns and walks to the dresser, bursting our bubble and leaving me breathless. “I also wanted to get some food for you to have here at the house.”
“Food?” I repeat.
“It’s your favorite,” he says confidently, and it’s like he knows me.
I thought I would be missing out on a human experience by not being able to eat, but he’s right, it’s bigger than that.
I loved food when I was alive. I loved trying new things and learning new recipes.
Food was something that brought my small group of friends together, and it comforted me when I was sad.
It pushed me outside my comfort zone, and it was always there when I needed it.
I hadn’t realized it before, but somehow with just my mention of blueberry pancakes, Theo has managed to discern all of that.
And then it hits me: I don’t need to know how I died. Because it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that I’m here, and all the things that made life beautiful are still within reach. They’re just a little different now.
I clear my throat and brush my hair behind my ear. “How are you going to get food? Are we going shopping?”
My underlying question is whether Theo is going to leave the house, but he’s already got an answer for me.
“I found a loophole,” he says. “I tested it yesterday.”
“A loophole?”
Theo starts absentmindedly rubbing his hands together, something I’ve noticed he does when he’s deep in thought or feeling anxious. “I traveled…through the void.”
I scrunch my face. “Where did you go?”
He places a hand on the dresser, and I notice the index finger of his other hand running circles around his thumb. He grips the edge of the dresser tightly, his knuckles turning white.
“I was looking for Aidan,” he confesses, “so I navigated my way to the movie theater, using the void.”
Theo was at the movie theater yesterday?
How did I not know this? The elusive ghost of Vanderbilt House finally shows his face in Shadow Hills and no one is talking about it?
But then I see the bigger picture.
“Theo!” I shriek with jubilation. “You left the house!” He tries to hide a smile, but I rush over to him and grab his shoulders. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”
His chest rises and falls with shallow breaths as he wets his lips.
Maybe it’s him showing vulnerability. Or maybe it's my proximity making him nervous. Whatever it is that has him leaning into me, or his gaze drinking in the shape of my mouth, I can’t let it slip away.
I take the leap and press my lips to his.
I stay still, only applying the smallest amount of pressure. I don’t want to scare him, and I need him to want this as much as I do. Finally, after what feels like a hundred years of waiting, I feel his soft lips begin to move against mine.
He feels so real. This is real.
We’re mere ghosts channeling our physical bodies to touch and yet I feel more alive than ever before.
It’s no longer just a tingle that sparks between us. It’s pure electricity. A lightning strike.
Theo presses against me and turns us so my back is against the dresser. His hands are light against my sides, and I desperately want to feel more pressure, but I can’t rush him. And everything he’s doing feels so good.
He glides his hands carefully from my rib cage down the curve of my waist. They settle on my hips and remain planted gently in place.
Though his hands are tender, his mouth is a ferocious beast. He sucks and soothes and urges my mouth open with his tongue.
I can’t believe this hunger was within him all this time.
My sweet, reserved, cautious Theodore is now feral with lust. But he still takes his time.
I let out a breathy sigh as he nips at my jaw, and just like that, the spell is broken.
Theo steps back abruptly with his hands out in front of him. He stares at them wildly as if they’ve betrayed him somehow.
“Theo,” I breathe his name.
“I’m sorry.” He squeezes his eyes shut. The muscles in his neck are tight and rigid. “I have to go.”
This time, he doesn’t vanish. He storms from the room. And I can’t fight the feeling I’ve just ruined everything.