Chapter 23 The Worst, Worst Date Ever #2
Trissa’s eyes shine with conflict as she crosses her arms over her chest. Her brows knit together as words haltingly spill forth “I know that I want to be with Cian forever… but drinking that elixir would be like drinking their blood.” She swallows and her lashes lower as her eyes lock onto the letter, “plus… Gran didn’t say exactly what it does… ”
My heart beats in a happy cadence hearing her say that she wants me forever, but I have to agree—it’s too risky. “I thought maybe we could take it to the coven to see if they can be more help with what it may do.”
“Not a bad idea. But call them and have them come here. I’m not going on another date with that witch,” Seth grumbles and hands the letter back to Trissa.
“Oh come on, it can’t have been as bad as the necromancer… you called that one the worst in history.”
He glares at me and I laugh as he responds, “that wasn’t really a date—she needed a…
favor. Although, there have been some major developments with her recently…
really good ones. But either way, this…THIS!
Ugh!” He shivers, I mean, whole body quaking type of shiver and I feel my eyebrows shoot to my hairline.
“She was so… she laughed at all of my jokes!”
Trissa looks at me out of the corner of her eye, an amused glint shinning in their blue depths. I can’t keep the amusement from my voice as I ask, “And that’s a bad thing?”
He shakes his head and stands up abruptly, pacing around the room, “No—no, not normally. Not when you guys do it. But she took like a full minute to process every joke. I’m not exaggerating… by the time she laughed we were already talking about something else.”
“That hardly seems like it’s enough to be worse than the worst date ever…” If that was his standard, my dating history would be considered abysmal by comparison. Trissa is the only romantic partner I’ve ever had any ease of conversation with.
“Well, that’s because you didn’t hear it. Her laugh, I mean. It was like…” he shakes his head and waves an arm in front of him in a rolling motion, “like a hyena on helium.” He grimaces and shakes his head, as if to rid himself of the memory.
Trissa rolls her lips and makes a popping noise before saying, “While I can admit that’s not super awesome, it still doesn’t sound all that bad.”
Seth sighs dejectedly, “That’s not the worst part.”
Trissa and I both stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He looks back and forth between us for a moment before his shoulders sag and he rubs a hand down his face. “Someone died.”
I gape at him and Trissa rasps, “What?”
He grimaces as he explains, “I… may have said something about being tall, dark, and deathly handsome… it was barely even funny. There was an older woman eating a cannoli at one of the tables by the shop window…” Seth pauses and I hum, encouraging him to keep going.
“She had just taken a bite—too big of a bite if we’re being honest—when Eleanor, the witch, let out one of those lethal laughs.
Poor Sybil, the older woman, choked on her cannoli right there in the coffee shop. ”
Trissa’s eyes widen and she mumbles something under her breath.
I try to think of something to say, but Seth continues, “Glamours sometimes fail when a paranormal is in close proximity to a human in severe distress or ready to punch in their timecard. Especially if a psychopomp is around and a Reaping Timer appears.” Seth flicks his eyes over to Trissa's confused face and elaborates, "It's like a neon clock that counts down time remaining until a soul can be harvested. "
“Fuck,” the word is out before I can stop it.
Seth nods, “Yeah, fuck. That’s what I said when the shop owner, Oliver—a nice Squonk male—rushed over to administer the Heimlich. I think you can probably guess where this is going…”
I flinch, never having seen an unglamoured Squonk in person, but feeling bad for Oliver, and knowing now that whatever happens next is not going to be pleasant.
“I can’t! What the heck is a Squonk?” Trissa’s eyes are as wide as saucers. I look back at Seth who has a pained expression on his usually laughing face.
“A cryptid… not known for their good looks. They cry a lot, usually. Oliver is different, he’s been pretty happy since he got his new glamour and opened the coffee shop…
” Seth shakes his head again, “Anyway, long story short… our glamours failed. Sybil took one look at Oliver and me and had a fuckin heart attack right on the spot. Eleanor, it turns out, also laughs when faced with awkward situations, or when nervous…”
“Oh gods…” Trissa’s face is scrunched up in a semi-permanent cringe.
Seth nods miserably. “Yup. Oliver had to close up shop so that I could harvest her soul and make a report to the Reapers Guild.” Trissa stands up and tentatively places a hand on his shoulder in a show of support.
“Do you know how hard it is to get Squonk tears out of alpaca wool?” He sighs heavily and adds, “One date—two casualties.”
My mouth drops open. Trissa groans and swats at his arm, “Oh my lanta! You ass… was any of that even true?”
“It was all true, thank you very much. I hardly knew Sybil. That was my favorite sweater, damn it!”
Trissa rolls her eyes heavily and I snicker, more at their antics than the situation. “Okay, you’re right. That is definitely the worst, worst date ever.”
We all nod and stand there for a minute. Trissa breaks the silence with a deep sigh, “Well… did you want to stay for pizza?” She eyes Seth dubiously, as if wondering if he actually eats foods like pizza. I look over at him, curious myself.
His face lights up and his eyes flash, “Hell yeah!” I smile and settle back as Trissa grabs her phone and plops down next to me.
Seth eagerly flops onto the couch in between us, placing an arm along the back behind each of us. “Ham and Swedish fish for me, please.”
Trissa’s lip curls instantly, but quickly fades into a pucker as if she’s silently debating the merits of that flavor combination.
“Gross, but alright.” She leans back into the couch and smiles at me as she calls it in. I tighten the tentacle tether I have wrapped around her ankle in response.
Leaning back further, I listen and grin as Seth and Trissa discuss odd pizza topping combinations. It’s amazing how fast things can change.