Chapter 16
brENNA
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
When my father told me that I was to be married to none other than the monster that was Cormac O’Sullivan I thought it was to be the end of my life. All my hopes and dreams extinguished in that one moment.
Instead I’ve found this.
Him.
Cormac has shown me more love and care than I’ve ever felt from anyone in my life. Sure, he’s got his jagged edges and his gruff moods, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see myself without him.
I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the man I was pawned off to, but I can’t deny it anymore.
It hasn’t been very long, but I’ve gone from trying to find every which way of escaping to dreaming about the future Cormac and I will have together.
It’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it. I’m sure of it.
He’s changed so much since I’ve been here. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.
Killian came by for a visit yesterday and he was astonished at what had come of his brother. At one point he was counting, and after he got to fourteen I stopped him just to figure out what he was counting.
Killian looked from Cormac to me and back again, “I’m counting the times you’ve smiled in this conversation, Big Mac. Fourteen times so far and I’ve only been here about twenty minutes. Who the hell are you?” The both of them laughed hard at each other. It warmed my heart to see them bonding.
Cormac has been more than open about nearly every aspect of his life.
We’ve even gotten to the point where we sleep in the same bed, and the other night when I broached the subject of how he got his scar he was open enough to tell me what had happened with his mother and that it was his father who had marked him so savagely.
I cried holding him through the night.
He makes me feel so secure and so wanted. I never have to question any of his motives. He’s open about everything except what he’s got in the upper rooms on the east side of the house.
It’s the last secret, hidden between us. The last mile to traverse, and as much as he doesn’t want me to know whatever it is he’s got up there, I need to know if I’m going to lay the last of my doubts to rest.
“You ready?” Cormac knocks on my room door and pokes his head in. He frowns slightly when he sees that I’m still not dressed. “What’s wrong? We’ve got a meeting to go to, remember?”
I make a show of rubbing my nose, “Do I really have to come with you today? If you really need me to, I’ll endure. I’m not feeling the best today and would actually just like to stay home and get some rest.”
“You’re sick?” I watch as the panic flourishes in his eyes. “What do you need? I can cancel. I’ll stay here and take care of you.”
“No, go handle your business. I just need to get some rest. Not a big deal.”
He hesitates, staring at me for a moment, probably trying to decide if I’m playing down my illness. In actuality I’m playing it up. I do feel a little fatigued but nothing I’d take some medicine for.
“Are you sure?” he asks again.
“Yes, Cormac, absolutely. Go on and get there so you can hurry back.” I push him gently and he nods once. I watch him from my doorway as he makes his way down the hall. He turns once to look over his shoulder, giving me a small wave. It almost looks like he wants to say something.
I have a feeling I know what it is.
He wants to tell me he loves me. I’d say it back. I do love him. We haven’t said the words yet, but it’s obvious anytime we are near each other. The sex is out of this world, but even just relaxing with each other is peaceful.
I wait until he’s out the door to go back into my room. Patiently, I listen out for the sound of the truck driving off to let me know that he’s truly gone from the property.
Just as I am about to beeline out of my room, the in-house line rings. I pick it up, “Yes?”
“Mrs. O’Sullivan, Mr. O’Sullivan has let me know that you aren’t feeling well this afternoon and asked me to look in on you and make sure you had everything you needed.”
A warm feeling fills my chest. Even away, Cormac is trying to take care of me.
“I’m just fine, Maxim, just need some uninterrupted sleep.” I say, hoping that will be enough to make sure he doesn’t come in.
“As you wish. If you wake and discover you are feeling worse or are in need of anything, I’m just a phone call away.”
“Thank you,” I reply.
“Of course.” He hangs up the phone and I’m left with the silence that is the house. The dogs have free rein to come in and out, but for the most part they stay outdoors where they have space to move about.
It’s just me in here. For the first time, I’m alone.
But for some reason, it doesn’t feel like I am. I don’t know if it’s because of all the cameras at the windows and doors, but it feels almost as if someone is watching me.
Slowly, I look around the room as if I’ll catch someone hiding in one of the corners. I shake off the apprehension when I come up with nothing but the empty space. I guess I’m just used to Cormac being around.
Walking out of my room, I slowly make my way down the hall, taking care to stay out of the sight line of any cameras. When I get to the door that leads up to the wrecked upper level, I have to force myself to calm my breathing. I can’t get caught. There’s no one here to catch me.
This is my house too. I have just as much right as Cormac to go up there.
Even as I think that I know I’m wrong. It’s an invasion of privacy. I can’t leave anything up to chance. Especially when I’m contemplating my life with Cormac. I need to know everything.
Pulling my shoulders back and trying to garner as much courage as possible, I put one foot in front of the other and slowly walk up the stairs. The aroma of flames and musk hits me. The wind howls outside and sunlight fights to cut through the darkness of this rarely used walkway.
I get up to the main area where Cormac caught me the last time. I glance once at the picture. Cormac’s mother was a beauty. As I pass by, it seems as if her eyes stay on me. Feels like one of those circus tricks to scare the kids.
A chill shoots up my spine and I tremble. There are no fireplaces going up here. The cold is biting.
I follow the darkening soot-lined walls to a room in the back.
I push open the door and can see that there was a massive fire in here.
The fireplace crumbled to pieces, some drapes in tatters, furniture that I’m sure was once lavish and comfortable nothing more than scraps of wood and fabric.
Besides the obvious destruction from the fire, I see a few other places in the room that look to have been destroyed after the fact.
There are fist holes punched into the wall. Smears of what look like blood next to it.
On the walls, there are a few pictures. They look like they were all put here after the fact as well.
In each of them, I can see what looks like younger versions of Cormac, except there are deep crossed-out Xs on the face.
It seems like he found every last reminder of what he used to be and tried to erase it from memory.
It’s sad, nearly heartbreaking.
I suck in a deep breath, but then start hack coughing nearly immediately. The dust in here is thick.
Is this what he’s hiding from me? His shame?
No, that’s not possible. I know all about his shame. There’s something else.
In the center of the room, there is one piece of furniture that doesn’t have much dirt or soot on it. It’s been used recently and frequently. I make my way to the desk and look on the top of it. It’s a simple oak wood desk, a little too large for my taste, but that’s not the point.
There are no papers on top.
I quickly start opening up the drawers. In one I find the contract I signed the night we were married folded up and put away.
My eyes drift down to my signature. The lines aren’t smooth and the signature comes up off the line.
It’s that way because my eyes were blurry from tears when I signed that paper.
I fold the paper back up and put it where I got it from. There are more important papers up here. A bank receipt from an account located somewhere in the Cayman Islands.
The balance?
Forty-five million dollars and change.
I whistle and quickly put that back. I guess we shouldn’t have too much of a problem replacing the roof when the time comes.
Closing that drawer, I open the one on top and realize it’s nearly full of handwritten letters.
At first, jealousy rears its ugly head when I think these are love letters written to some mystery woman.
I’m actually disappointed when I realize that these aren’t love letters at all but instead letters from his father.
It seems strange that they would handwrite notes to each other, but I guess it’s not unheard of.
Along with the letters from his father there are a few letters it looks like Cormac was working on and either didn’t finish or he crossed out a large portion and probably had to start over.
The first one I pick up nearly cracks me into pieces.
“…I’m doing exactly as you asked. You were the one who chose Brenna to be my wife.
Now I’m having to deal with her. I’ll keep my end of the deal and by our first anniversary I’ll be well on my way to signing the divorce papers.
She can be out of my life and the allegiance between the Doyle family and the O’Sullivan family will remain solid… ”
A tear pops out of my eye and rushes down my cheek. I don’t need to read any more. This is it.
This is what he’s hiding from me.
His real plan when it comes to me.
Here I am giving this man my body and my fucking soul when he’s got no intentions of keeping me. He’ll divorce me the minute his part of the contract is done.
I can’t believe I actually thought he was in love with me. I can’t believe I fell in love with him.
I shove the letter back in the drawer and slam it shut before I run out of the room and back down the stairs. I don’t stop running until I get to my room and I collapse on the bed.
It was all a lie. A lie I had somehow convinced myself to be true. My father told me that this was all a business deal. That I was part of a debt to be paid. I thought I was ready for that, ready to be treated as no more than just property.
Cormac didn’t just treat me like I was property, he made me feel wanted and cared for. I guess that was all just to make sure I made it the year. I’m sure if I die or actually find a way to run away the contract will be void.
My heart hurts worse than it ever has. Not even when my father refused to rescue me from this hell did it feel like my heart was disintegrating inside of me.
That’s exactly what is happening right now though. All the love and hope I’ve built up for Cormac is simply disintegrating like grains of sand.