Chapter 21 Cade #2
The pendulum around my neck begins to vibrate, a warm sensation spreading out over my body allowing me to suck in a breath. I shake off the initial feeling and open the door to see Calli sitting in the chair near the window.
She speaks up first, words rushing out.
“Cade, I know you don’t believe, but I need to tell you something—” she starts, worrying her hands in her lap.
I cut her off. “Me first.”
She pauses and nods.
“You were right.” I sigh. “About Rosa White, and about the pendulum. I won’t tell you how I know, but I need your help.”
“I’m sorry. What?” A mix of confusion and what looks like anger plays across her face.
“I’m saying I believe you and I need your help,” I tell her, trying to calm that anger before it bubbles over.
“Heh. Wow. Just like that, huh?” she scoffs.
Clearly, I failed.
“After years of you chastising me, judging me, and shitting on everything I know, you walk in here to tell me you believe, like it’s nothing? Like it’s just another job!?” Her voice is rising and I feel my own temper rearing to face it.
“The fuck is your problem? Isn’t this what you wanted?” I snap at her.
“Yes! I want to help, and I want you to listen, but you’re acting like it’s nothing!” she says, surging to her feet.
“So you’re upset because I’m not reacting the way you think I should? You fucking serious, Calli?” I groan, letting my head thunk against the wall.
“This is huge and you’re acting like it’s another fucking Tuesday!
” She throws her hands up. “What the fuck, Cade? Be angry—cry, scream, do anything but dissociate and internalize everything! Fucking do something!” She grabs one of the throw pillows and chucks it at my chest. I catch it, drop it on the ground, and stand, crossing my arms.
“Yes, this is huge. But I can’t afford to let myself slip. I accept what I know is true, and yes, Calli, I’m freaking out. It’s crazy, this is crazy, but I’m in uncharted waters here and I need to stay focused,” I try to reason, and her face falls as she drops back into the chair.
“I wish I could do that,” she whispers. “Just be strong all the time.”
I bend a knee and gently take one of her hands in mine, dipping my head to meet her eyes.
“I’m not, Calli,” I tell her honestly, my voice soft. “I’m scared, too. Scared of losing my baby sister. I don’t care how much I lose myself in the process—I’ll do all of it to keep you safe.”
“Why does it have to be this way…? You’re tearing yourself apart. I’m not worth it.”
Not worth it? I look into her eyes, which are beginning to tear up. I remember how she never cried as a girl. How she was treated like a stranger in her own house by our parents, a fucking tool. A means to an end.
I admit we weren’t close as kids… I probably could have done more, but she always smiled when she saw me.
And I always saw her as a helpless little girl who needed to be kept as far away from everything as she could be.
I was glad our parents stayed away from her.
I never understood why she always seemed so happy.
But then again, I never knew her. Not really.
But I see her now. She’s seen things, fought for what she believes in, and tries every day. She’s desperate for the attention that she deserves, and desperate to be understood. It’s in this moment that I realize she and I are so much more alike than I ever realized.
But she doesn’t see her life as one worth fighting for. She was ready to die, and I forgot that. I choose my next words carefully, squeezing her hand to ensure I have her attention.
“You don’t get to tell me what’s worth it to me.
That is my decision and mine alone. You deserve a life where you can feel it all.
I want you to love endlessly, to fight and show up for yourself.
You are not replaceable, and this is only the beginning of your story.
I will always fight to give you the life that I know you deserve. ”
Tears stream down her face as I pull her into a hug, a real hug. She needs this, and honestly, so do I. She hiccups then, swallowing back more tears.
“You’re right… but I don’t know what I want, Cade,” she whispers into my chest. “I’m terrified. I hate that I feel so fucking helpless all the time, like everything is just too much.”
I hug her tighter and kiss the top of her head, resting my cheek there.
“I know, but you don’t need to know everything right now. You’ll know when it’s time.” I gently push her back to look at her face. “You said you wanted to talk to me. Is everything okay?”
She pulls away fully and sits back down, wiping away the tears staining her face. She looks up at me with her dark brown eyes as if searching for the answer in my own. She hesitates when we both hear a knock on the bookshelf.
“I—” She sighs, shaking her head. “Ignore that. Just the resident poltergeist.”
I stifle a laugh; this is so fucking weird. But I know now that she is telling me the truth.
“Thanks for the heads-up.” I laugh. “I noticed you and Jack were gone when I came back with Karma. Did you have fun?”
“I, um… I’m… I—” she stutters, and I tilt my head at her, but before she can say anything, the door behind us slams shut and I jump. Eyes wide, I look back at Calli. Suddenly, I feel something hit me from behind, the sting causing me to bend over, holding the back of my head.
“Fuck! What the hell?” I groan. Looking down, I see a book at my feet. I cock my head—the cover reads Covenant Origins. I pick the old book up and skim the pages. I glance at Calli, who looks annoyed, arms folded over her chest.
“Is this the shit Jack was telling me about?” I mumble, still rubbing the back of my head.
She looks at me, rolling her eyes, huffing, “Yeah, you could say that.”
Snatching the book from my hands, she places it on the large stack on the table next to her chair.
“Are you sure there isn’t anything else going on, Calli?” I ask her, my eyes drifting from the book back to meet hers.
“I could ask you the same, Cade,” she says, cocking a brow with a serious face. I roll my eyes at her.
“I told you I would tell you anything you need to know. Let’s just leave it at that. Please?” The please makes her eyebrow raise in surprise, and she nods.
“Fine.” She sighs. “What do you need from me?”
I look at her for a long moment, knowing there is no soft way of putting this, but she has to know. It’s the only way, if it’s even possible.
“I need to find a way to kill a God.”