Chapter 29 Then Thirteen Years Ago
Then
Thirteen Years Ago
The week before Memorial Day, I biked to Bubba’s to pick up the fresh navy polo that would be my uniform for the summer. I’d be working weekends starting that Saturday until school let out in late June and I could take on shifts during the week.
It was a Monday night and, aside from a couple of regulars, the restaurant was dead. I waved to Maria, an off-season hostess who spent the summers watching her grandkids, and headed for the back office.
“Lina! Welcome back, sweetheart,” Bubba said when I knocked on the doorframe. She waved me inside and lifted a cardboard box onto her sticky note-strewn desk.
“Thank you, Bubba,” I said, flipping through the shirt tags until I found my size. “I’m excited to be back.”
“I can’t believe you’re almost a junior! How’s school going this year?” She smiled her big smile. Sebastian’s smile. It took everything in me not to look away.
“I know, it’s crazy,” I said, shaking my head. “School is good! Really good. I’m still liking the newspaper. Starting to think about colleges. My parents want to take me on some visits this summer.”
“That’s fabulous, Lina. The hard part will be narrowing it down, I’m sure. Any school would be lucky to have you!”
It meant a lot to hear her say that, but I waved her off.
“Although I will say, New Jersey has no shortage of good schools,” Bubba continued. “All the kids seem to forget that, my son included.” She said this in a teasing way, but I could see in her eyes that there was some truth to the hurt it implied.
“You’ll have to work him to the bone this summer as punishment,” I joked, just to keep the conversation light. I doubted she knew Sebastian and I weren’t exactly on speaking terms.
“I wish,” she said with a sigh. I raised a brow.
“Sebastian won’t be back this summer, honey.
” I only processed bits and pieces of what she said next, that’s how rattled I was by this news.
Took a job on campus. Instructor at a kids’ rec camp.
Probably surfing all day. Flying out at the end of the month.
I hadn’t admitted it to myself until then, but I’d been holding on to more than a semblance of hope that once we were back at Bubba’s for the summer Sebastian and I would find a way to fix what had broken between us.
I would have resisted any reconciliation attempts last summer, but that was when the sting of what he’d said to me on Boardwalk Night was fresh.
So much time had passed, and summer had a way of resetting things. But now we wouldn’t get that chance.
The landline rang on Bubba’s desk, and she scrambled to get it, mouthing an apology.
It’s okay! I mouthed back. I whispered a thank-you as I backed out of the office—and slammed straight into a hard body.
“Whoa!” Sebastian grabbed my shoulders gently, steadying me. Then he bent down and picked up the shirt I’d dropped.
“Ow,” I said, rubbing the side of my face that had connected with his chest. “What are you doing here?” It was the most I’d said to Sebastian since last summer.
“It’s kind of a family business,” he said. I grabbed the shirt and glared at him.
“Your mom said you aren’t coming back this summer.”
“I’m not,” he said, pushing his hair out of his face. “Just helping out as much as I can before I leave.”
“Well, if I don’t see you before then I hope the move goes well.” I flashed him a clipped smile and started for the door, but he caught my arm.
“Lina, is that seriously the last thing you’re going to say to me?” His eyes reminded me of a forest, vast and dark.
I quickly maneuvered out of his grip and peered up at him. “What do you want me to say, Sebastian? That it will be weird without you here? Of course it will be. But honestly it was going to be weird if you were here, too, just in a different way. So.”
“It doesn’t have to be weird between us, you know,” he said in a low voice. He sounded almost sad.
I laughed humorlessly. “I’m not the one who made it weird, remember?
” Sebastian flinched. Some quiet voice inside me warned that he was trying to reach out again and that I might not get another chance to meet him halfway.
But a louder voice took the fact that he was leaving as confirmation that what I needed to do more than anything was protect myself.
“Okay, Mariano.” He straightened, and my heart sank a few more levels.
I didn’t want him to give up, but I also couldn’t seem to stop pushing him away.
I was a walking contradiction. It occurred to me that all those months dating Chris Cappelli I’d never once felt the flustering combination of want, resistance, hope and confusion that I felt every time I was around Sebastian. What that meant I couldn’t say.
He looked at me a moment longer before saying, “I guess I’ll see you around, then.”
“Have a great summer, Sebastian.” I spun around and headed for the door.
Outside, Maren was leaning against the bike rack, tapping around on the screen of her brand-new iPhone 4—she was the first of us to get a smartphone. I almost forgot that we’d planned to meet for a ride to Twisters, which was opening for the season that night.
“Everything okay?” she asked when she looked up and saw my face.
I nodded, pulling out my bike.
Maren dropped her phone in the basket of her yellow beach cruiser. As we began pedaling north on the boardwalk she asked, “Did you see anyone inside?”
“Nah,” I said. “No one worth talking about.”