Rory
Sixty
Iwoke up feeling like death. My bed felt as empty as my heart and guilt swam in my stomach when everything hit me.
Cinder was gone. Even if my stalker didn’t shoot her in the head, she would bleed out and die in his grasp.
I wanted her back home and safe with me, but days already passed since that dreaded phone call.
God, I didn’t realize how much I would miss her until she wasn’t here pestering me.
My phone vibrated on the end table. Honestly, I didn’t want to do anything except rot in bed, but that wasn’t healthy. Nor were any of the other alternatives running through my mind, but I had to deal with it. I reached for my phone and saw several messages from Vesper, Hades, Widow, and Babs.
It felt like I was living in a nightmare that I wanted to wake up from, and Cinder would be here with me instead of wherever she was. All I needed was to know she was alive. I needed proof, something that told me she was fighting to come back to me.
My bones popped as I crawled out of bed, walking to the door. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Hades sitting against the wall with her head against her knees. When the door opened, her head popped up and she smiled at me.
“Hi,” I muttered. Hades jumped up and faced me. She was hesitant to touch me until I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her into me. I swear I could fall in love with this woman, and I was, little by little. “I think you’re right and I need to get away. I just…I don’t think she’s dead.”
Hades ran her fingers through my hair and caressed my cheek. “I don’t either. There isn’t proof that she is. Rory, I am with you. I know our relationship is new, but I won’t hurt you.”
“I know. You deserve someone who isn’t fucked up, though.” I knew I was self-sabotaging, but I wasn’t used to good things happening to me. It was odd having a woman who worshiped the ground I walked on, and to say I wasn’t terrified of that commitment would be a lie.
“Rory, I don’t want someone else. I want you. Even if this love ended in tragedy, at least I had the chance to have my heart broken by you.”
“I think we have a better possibility of a Romeo and Juliet ending happening.”
“As long as I go first,” Hades promised. “How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know. Lost? Every sad emotion under the sun. I texted Izzy and told her I needed an emergency session. When my mind is clear, I want to try and make a plan. I think I’m going through the phases of trauma and can’t process anything.”
“Do you want me to take you?” I nodded. “I guess it’s time to meet the therapist.”
Hades walked me into Izzy’s office. Before stepping out to give us privacy, she pulled my therapist out for a moment, I assumed to tell her what had happened so she had an idea.
I was moments away from breaking down and sobbing even more.
Crying was something I did in the beginning.
Hell, I did a lot more than cry when Cinder saved me.
The last time I cried was when Widow broke my heart.
After that, I never shed another tear. Now it was like Niagara Falls had erupted in my tear ducts.
I hated it. It was a weakness. I was not weak.
Izzy came back into the room and took a seat, gesturing for me to do the same.
“It’s a dumb question, all things considered, but how are you?” she asked.
All I could do was laugh, and then I started crying. “I argued with my sister and told her I hated her. That she was just like our mother, and then she died. The last thing she heard from me was that. I didn’t mean it.” I wiped my eyes angrily. “I am so sick of crying. This is not me.”
“Rory, crying is not a weakness. It just means you’re human.”
“No. Aurora June cried. I’m not her. I’m not the same girl that needed to be saved.”
“You were a child. Showing weakness, showing emotion, is not the end of the world. You lost your sister. It’s okay to cry. Cinder would want you to feel something and know you are protected. Arguments happen. Cinder knew you loved her.”
I wiped at my eyes once more. “I compared her to our mom. She was nothing like that woman. I was angry, but I never meant it. If she was like her, I’d be dead or at the hands of a monster.”
“I know. She knows that, too. She was always talking about you.” I arched my brow. “What, you didn’t think your sister came to therapy, too?”
“She never told me.”
She smiled. “Well, how you feel about crying is how Cinder felt about therapy. She thought it made her weak to talk about everything. A leader is supposed to be strong, but even leaders crumble,” she explained.
“I can’t say much, but she was proud of you.
She thought she was doing a horrible job, but seeing you smile and be happy made it better.
She never wanted to see you hurt again. I think that’s why she was so strict about you and her friends dating. ”
“I’ll try my best to be happy for her, but I feel lost. I don’t think she’s gone, but I’m scared that whoever he is will kill her.”
“Take it day by day, okay? I know it will be hard, but fight so you can find her. If you don’t think she is dead, don’t give up.”