4. Ivy
IVY
My eyelids have never been so heavy, yet they refuse to close as I stare up at my bedroom ceiling. I think sleep graced me for what felt like half a second and has left me overwhelmed by exhaustion, my body incapable of resting while my mind remains alive.
I should have known storming off wouldn't give me the respite I needed.
Only answers would.
But that would require me to face my life, madness included, and I don't know how I could have the capacity for that.
My mind is still a jumbled mess, so instead of facing the pain, I blink at the ceiling, waiting for everything and praying for nothing all at once.
It's like I'm caught in a vortex, stuck in the ebbs and flows of my emotions, lodged between heartache and sheer desperation, only for it to get to be too much, forcing my mind to go blank for a few moments before the cycle starts again.
The mid-morning sun glows throughout my room, peeking through the drapes that frame my four-poster bed, half covering my sheets, and it's the only thing that keeps me grounded.
Twisting my hand, I face my palm to the light, soaking in every drop of the warmth.
Last night feels like a fleeting moment. The control I possessed… it was fueled by anger, but now it's disappointment that threads through my veins, and I don't know how to handle that.
The reality is, instead of receiving the answer to why they rejected me two years ago, I was twisted by the knowledge that they knew I was a phoenix. That alone threatens to fill me with more questions, each one spiraling me deeper into the pits of despair, and I wish I didn’t know anything at all.
Blissfully oblivious is a preferred state of mind I wish I could return to.
Instead, I’m tortured by the desire for answers, but I know I’m going to hate receiving them. Especially because the only people who can answer them are my hated mates and my brother.
I can’t stand to face any of them right now.
A flash of red flickers out of the corner of my eye, catching my attention, and I know I'm not alone.
Ember.
Instead of her usual dancing and twirling around the room as a ball of flames, driving me insane, she nestles on the pillow beside my head, and her shift in demeanor immediately leaves me on edge.
She’s always so fueled with energy. It’s honestly exhausting to keep up with, but sensing her being so mellow is too out of character for me to ignore. Tilting my head, I turn to face her, only to find her curled up in a little ball, her eyelids heavy with sadness.
“What's wrong?” I rasp, my throat aching as she shakes her little head.
Her wide eyes find mine. “I’m sorry they did that to you,” she whispers, and understanding takes hold between us, leaving my words lodged in my throat.
My pulse thumps through my entire body as I build up the strength to ask three simple words.
“Did you know?”
Her gaze remains fixed on mine as she shakes her head, unable to talk.
She's never looked smaller or more delicate, and I instinctively reach for her.
Her heat ghosts my fingertips as I move her closer, and she nestles against my chest as we hug it out. The recognition of my emotions sends me into a downward spiral, but before I can reach the pits, her voice cuts through the air.
“We're going to be okay,” she promises, and I frown.
“We?” I repeat, and she nods.
“Their sprites say there's a good explanation, but I don't want to hear it,” she states, making my heart clench.
“Ember, you don't have to do that for me,” I breathe, and she sighs, like I’m being dumb.
“You're my person, Ivy. No matter how they make me feel, it doesn't trump that.”
Unshed tears burn the back of my eyelids as we embrace once more.
My device chimes from my nightstand, the sound cutting through the air, but I ignore it, refusing to acknowledge whoever's on the other end.
Sighing, I glance out the window. “I hate just lying here,” I admit, and Ember slowly slips out of my hold, only to perch herself on my stomach.
“I was shocked to find you here, to be honest. Especially since your father is detained in the dungeons. I actually checked there first,” she explains, and my gaze darts to hers as my pulse quickens.
“Dungeons?” I repeat, and she nods, lifting an inch off me.
“Do you want to go?” she offers, and I gnaw on my bottom lip, my heartbeat racing wildly.
“I think so,” I admit, and she gives me a pointed look.
“Be certain of yourself, Ivy. This mess is insane; don’t make any moves that aren’t backed by conviction,” she insists, floating around the room and hovering in the air a little higher.
I sit up, leaning back against the headboard. Every part of me aches, desperate for sleep, but it's not going to come, no matter how much I lie here. Instead, I inhale deeply before exhaling slowly, churning her words in my mind, giving them the roots to take hold and strengthen my spine.
Do I want to see my father? Not really.
Do I deserve answers? Yes.
Do I have the strength to embrace the conviction Ember talks of? There’s only one way to find out.
“I want to go,” I reiterate, and she nods.
“You get ready; I'll be back in a second,” she declares, and before I have time to consider what she's up to, she's gone, leaving me to shake off my helplessness before I can find myself drowning once again.
I force myself out of bed, silently thanking earlier me for showering when I got in last night. My tattered ball gown remains in a pile on the floor, and I step over it as I make quick work of getting ready.
With my hair pulled back in a braid, my breath minty fresh, and a pair of denim shorts and an old band tee on, I slip into a pair of sandals and open the door just in time to find Ember, but she’s not alone.
Silas is frozen in place beside her, and I blink at the pair of them.
The Fire Protector scrubs a hand over the back of his neck nervously before aiming his thumb at my sprite. “She said you needed someone to take you to the dungeons,” he states, and I shake my head, giving Ember a pointed look.
“I could have made it on my own,” I grumble, irritated, yet slightly relieved that she didn’t instinctively run to one of my hated mates, but it seems she’s as hurt by the situation as I am.
“Could you?” Silas muses with a smirk on his face, and I give him a pointed look.
“Cockiness doesn't suit you, Silas,” I grumble, stepping out into the hallway and closing my door behind me. I don't make it two steps before the door next to mine opens, revealing Archer's distressed face.
“Ivy,” he rasps, reaching out a bandaged hand, and guilt curls through me once again.
All I can do is shake my head and dart for the stairs, hurrying outside without interruption with Silas two steps behind me.
Making it out into the mid-morning air, I’m surprised Archer isn’t right on my heels, but I’m immediately aware of the fact that I'm not alone.
Despite leaving Archer in his doorway, the familiar sound of wings flapping overhead, and the knowing sensation of eyes burning into the side of my head, confirm that at least Baron is nearby, with either Teddy or Sax covering the ground.
Irritation floods through me, the urge to call them out burning almost as bright as my power, but I swallow it down and focus on the task at hand. I set off with my chin a little lower than usual, so I don’t catch a glimpse of Alaric. I can’t face him right now.
Silas falls into step beside me, and although I internally plead for a silent escort, just as I received last night, he clears his throat, making it known I won’t be so lucky twice in a row.
“How are you holding up, Fireball?”
“I’m not talking about this with you,” I mutter, folding my arms over my chest as we head toward the main academy building while I focus on the pretty wildflowers that line the walkway.
“Are you talking about it with anyone?” he retorts, making my lips pinch and my defenses instinctively rise.
“That’s none of your business either,” I breathe, my stomach twisting in knots, and he sighs.
“I don’t know what I did to piss you off so much, Ivy, but—”
“I can tell you if you want,” I offer, finally dragging my eyes to his, only for him to give me a pointed look.
“I’m an ass, I know that, I was pushing on you too, which I’m sure would please most girls, but you’re… different.” He drags a hand through his hair, his shoulders bunching slightly as he sighs. “I was irritated and mad. Not at you, but you just happened to get caught in the crossfire.”
“You’re not really making any sense,” I admit, and he offers me a tight smile.
“My sister was the coolest girl I’ve ever known,” he states, and I nod.
“I remember meeting her. Only once, but I can agree to that,” I offer, earning a slightly less tense smile this time.
“I bet she liked you,” he breathes, and I hum.
“I like to think she did. I know I liked her.”
It’s the truth. She smiled with her whole face and somehow made my brother do it too. She was down to earth, friendly, and a true source of positive energy. I felt every inch of it when she stepped into our home.
One fleeting visit, and then she was gone.
I never understood the hows or whys, or maybe I didn’t dare ask, but even now, I don’t think I could manage Silas’s pain, knowing my brother suffered the same loss too.
Thankfully, he drags his hand down his face as he clears his throat. “I blamed everyone for her death, especially your brother,” he admits, and I cock a brow at him.
“So you thought you would try to get back at him through me?” I clarify, and he shakes his head.
“No, I think I was trying to chase that same smile that my sister seemed to get from the Hayworth boy.”
My eyes widen in surprise, the truth catching me off guard as silence blankets us.
His words should make me feel something… anything… yet, I’ve never felt more isolated and dissociated from the world around me.
Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything else. I can't tell whether his silence and the extra distance between us are because he's aware of our audience, or if he knows I feel like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off.