5. Ivy
IVY
My back hits my dorm room door with a thud as it falls closed behind me, shielding me from the rest of the world once again. My breath comes in short, sharp pants as I press my hand against my chest.
A tiny smile ticks up the corner of my mouth as the adrenaline wears off, before my mouth quickly falls into a flat line.
He's dead.
He's dead.
My father is dead.
I stood there, I watched, I did nothing.
And now something tells me I owe a great debt to Leonardo; one I have no intention of paying. But for the first time in what feels like forever, the uncertainty, panic, and distress that swarms through me burns to ash in my mind at the hands of my phoenix.
My mind dwindles to nothing all over again, leaving me to acknowledge the way my stomach grumbles the second I stand up straight. It’s a stark reminder that I haven't eaten.
“Damn it,” I grumble, flicking my braid over my shoulder.
Ember is nowhere to be seen, diminishing any hopes that she might help, making it clear I need to get over myself and stop running from my problems.
Maybe those around me should stop making me feel like I need to flee, but all I know how to do is protect myself with old skills that worked. Unfortunately, they’re not working now.
I’ve only taken a single step toward my bed when a knock comes from the door behind me, pausing me in my tracks.
My nostrils flare as tension returns to my body, and I consider ignoring it, but another sharp knock is accompanied by a familiar scent. Before I can second-guess myself, I reach for the handle, swinging it wide in one swift motion to reveal the source of the smell.
Three pizza boxes are stacked high in my brother's hands, with his wide eyes, filled with pain and despair, peeking over them.
I can't tell if he's using them as a shield or a peace offering.
“Vee,” he rasps, and I clear my throat.
“Huey.”
He exhales at the sound of his nickname on my tongue. “I was worried I was never going to hear you say that again,” he admits, and I give him a pointed look.
“Don't tempt me.”
The sound of someone clearing their throat behind him catches my attention, and I peer past my brother to find Baron standing with his arms folded over his chest as he glares at me.
My brother follows my line of sight as Baron speaks. “You can hate me; you can hate all of us. Fuck knows we deserve it, but don't keep running away. You might despise us, but we've all seen what that man has done in a very short span of time. I can't bear to think about you being in his vicinity.”
I drag my tongue along my bottom lip. “He won't hurt me,” I blurt. Why? I don't know, but regardless, Baron scoffs.
“I don't give a fuck. I don't plan on him getting the chance.”
Without another word, he storms off, taking a piece of my soul with him as I'm left staring off with my brother, who clears his throat.
“That was… intense,” Hugo murmurs, and I roll my eyes.
“That was Baron,” I admit, rubbing my lips together, fighting with the instinct to chase after him. I can’t lose myself in appeasing him, I remind myself as I return my attention to the pizza boxes in his hands. “So, is the pizza a peace offering?”
“Oh yes, but you have to come outside with me,” he states, and my stomach chooses that moment to grumble again, making me roll my eyes as I reluctantly head out into the hallway.
Relief visibly washes over my brother as he guides us outside, and to his word, the second the midday sun hits my skin, he offers me pizza.
I wave him off, taking the whole top box and flipping the lid open to reveal a margherita pizza with thinly sliced tomato nestled on top. I inhale the first bite, joy blasting along my tongue as I devour it. Two more bites, and I fall into step at his side.
With every step I take, munching on my pizza, I can't help but envision my mother complaining about how unladylike it might be. If anything, it makes me do it more, pushing back against a system that once controlled me.
It seems that in the past twenty-four hours, I’ve come to terms with reshaping myself.
My brother takes a bite of his pizza before he clears his throat. “I was told about Father,” he states, and I hum. “Are you okay?” he asks, and I shrug.
“I feel like I need a shower again,” I mumble as a shiver runs down my side.
“Seeing someone die is—”
I lift my free hand toward him, a pointed look on my face.
“Are you trying to counsel me about this?
Because if you are, I'm more than happy to share and set you straight. A dead body waited for me at the altar when my mates decided to reclaim me. I watched Leonardo kill the leader of the Second Kingdom, and then the guy trying to clean up the mess, purely due to his lack of patience.”
My chest heaves as the words part my mouth, irritation threatening to taint the deliciousness of my pizza as my brother sighs.
“But none of them were your father,” he says softly, and I scoff.
“Exactly. This time I had a reason to want the person dead.”
Sadness tugs at the edges of my mind, despite the truth in my words. I take the next slice of pizza while Hugo remains quiet for a moment, the pause needed as we both digest the truth. And for a moment, I'm pulled from my own thoughts and distress to consider my brother’s.
“Are you sad?” I ask, and he shakes his head.
“No, not really. I just… there was always something missing with him, no true bond or connection. Now it just feels more final, I guess.”
“That's true,” I admit.
“There's always been something we've been longing for, something that we only ever got from each other, and there is an air of finality about it now, knowing we will never get it from him. It's the idealism of a role that you hope someone holds up to, but unfortunately for us, we got the short straw.” Sadness worms its way into my heart. I wasn’t ready to see it like that just yet, but here we are, drowning in it regardless.
Hugo stops, reaching for my wrist to grab my full attention.
“I want you to love me so much you bawl your eyes out when I die,” he blurts, and my eyes widen in surprise.
“I’d rather you just didn't die,” I admit, and he offers me a soft, sad smile.
“We're not all like you, Vee,” he admits, and I gulp.
Stuck in my thoughts, we remain quiet as we cut across campus while I inhale the rest of my pizza and absorb the sun.
Discarding the empty pizza box in the next trash can, I fold my arms around my middle as I finally find the strength for words.
“It is pretty sad that I don't feel the loss of someone I shared blood with,” I mumble.
“His presence has always been associated with pain,” my brother confirms.
“Because we were always a burden,” I clarify, and sadness squints at the corners of his eyes.
“Not with me,” he breathes, a knowing look in his eyes as I muster a smile.
“Not with me,” I repeat.
He offers me his arm, and despite the tension that continues to radiate between us, I link him.
“Are we going to continue to avoid the elephant in the room?” I ask, cocking a brow at him, and he grimaces.
“For a few more minutes,” he says with an air of defeat.
My pulse rings in my ears, the need to speak and unload my spiraling thoughts getting the better of me. Or is it that same fire that my phoenix sources burning through me? “Leonardo said I have a special smile reserved only for you,” I admit, unsure why I'm actually sharing that fact, and he nods.
“You do.”
My eyes widen in surprise. “How so?”
“It lights up your eyes and face, that smile, my smile, is the only time that, when you smile, you actually look alive and present. It’s something I treasure very much,” he admits, and I sigh.
“And yet you still lied to me.”
His hand curls around mine at the crook of his arm, holding me in place as he speaks. “Our connection is truer than anything else I know in this world, Ivy. That's never going to change. There are many reasons you were kept in the dark, but a lot of them aren't for me to say.”
“That's a cop-out,” I scoff, and he shrugs.
“Maybe, but it's not fair for you to hear it from me.”
“Hear what?” I push, and he gives me a pointed look. “If this is your apology, you're not really taking any accountability,” I grumble as we reach the clifftops.
The horizon lures me in like usual, making me feel so small, despite the madness that consumes me.
“I’m sorry, Vee, for so many things, but most of all, for causing you pain. I know you've already been handed enough.”
Emotion clogs my throat, but I swallow it down.
“What does Viola and everyone want from me?” I mumble, keeping my gaze fixed on the horizon.
“Balance.”
My eyebrows furrow. “That doesn't make any sense,” I grumble, and he squeezes my hand, but it offers no reassurance.
“As much as they know what you are, they've never understood the importance of it. The Fates haven't blessed them with that information. They're still researching, but from what I'm aware, it's all about restoring balance, and none of that can be done without you.”
I absorb the information, but it doesn't take root because I don’t understand its meaning. If anything, it just leaves so much more up in the air.
“Will you ever forgive me, Vee?” he asks, and I sigh.
“You know I'm too soft on you.”
The ground shakes from behind me, and I jerk my attention over my shoulder to find Lucky. She looks fierce as hell with her orange scales glistening under the sun.
“I wouldn't forgive him. He's an asshole,” she declares.
“Hey!” my brother exclaims, and I snicker.
Unlinking my arm from Hugo’s, I’m thankful when he doesn't try to hold me back as I turn toward his dragon.
“He's an asshole, but he's my asshole, and as much as he's excelled at omitting things from me, important things, he's still my greatest supporter, biggest rock, and favorite person to exist,” I declare, and Lucky shakes her head, blocking the sun for a moment before she inches closer.
“I’m glad you said person, since I'm a dragon.” I smile, the sensation warming my chest. “Because you're my favorite person,” she adds, and my brother scoffs.
“I’m standing right here.”
“Unfortunately,” she retorts with a side eye, and I eliminate the rest of the distance between us, stepping closer to stroke my hand over her scales.
For the first time in what feels like forever, true warmth floods my veins.
Hugo stands in disbelief at our connection.
“Do you want to take to the skies?” Lucky blurts.
“Not yet, I’m—”
“Not you… her.”
I rear back, hand against my chest, as I gape at the dragon before me. “Me?” I reiterate, and she nods. “But dragons don’t—”
“You are an exception,” she states, and I exhale slowly, shaking my head in awe. “It's like, you know it's on my Life Goals list or something,” I mutter as Lucky nuzzles against my palm.
Acceptance is on the tip of my tongue when Hugo's device goes off, and he curses under his breath.
“Rain check, I have to deal with this,” he states, disappointment flooding my veins, but I'm too tired to spend any time dwelling on it. Instead, I wrap my hands around Lucky's leg as a makeshift kind of hug.
Stepping back, I fall into my brother's arms. The essence of the love we have for each other is thick in the air, and despite the pain he continues to play a role in, I feel light from the interaction.
I back up, watching in delight as my brother climbs on Lucky's back and takes to the sky.
My favorite female dragon swirls above my head a few times before they disappear off in the distance, and I head back across campus with a smile on my lips, my thoughts settling as I go.
I know what Hugo was hinting at. He wants me to talk to my mates about this entire situation, but that would mean facing them, and I’m not ready for that. Because the reality is, despite how much I didn't want them to, they've managed to get under my skin.
All of this matters now.
If I had just kept my distance, I would have remained indifferent and unfazed, but lines have been crossed, and I’m left hurting again.
Nearing the main academy building, I consider grabbing a drink when a shadow casts from my right, pulling me from my thoughts, and I have the unfortunate vision of Odesa, Bonnie, and Francesca approaching.
I pause, watching each of them as they form a line in front of me.
Bonnie and Francesca are wearing their Fire Protector uniforms, while Odesa straightens her Water Protector tie. It’s a stark difference from my choice of clothes.
Were there classes today?
I can’t even remember what day it is.
“I thought you'd have taken the hint by now and fucked off. You're not wanted here, and you're certainly not needed. If anything, you're making everything worse,” Francesca grinds out, and I sigh.
“Is this necessary right now? I think it's quite clear that I'm dealing with bigger shit than your little hissy fit,” I grumble, and Francesca clenches her hands at her sides, anger getting the better of her.
“You’re going to realize soon enough that we’re your biggest nightmare,” Bonnie promises as a flash of blue catches my attention, jetting toward me.
Water surrounds me, the force threatening to knock me off my feet, but I remain rooted to the spot, letting the droplets cling to me as they rake over my body.
I sense the pressure intensifying, but before she can completely overwhelm me with her power, I glimpse a white tiger as it appears beside me.
The growl is enough to vibrate the ground beneath me as it stalks its prey, circling the three of them.
All too quickly, the water disappears, followed swiftly by the rushed footsteps of the three wicked bitches retreating. Yet I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed that there wasn't a little bit more behind their sudden appearance.
It’s like my phoenix is searching for a release, ready to be wound up so tightly; only carnage will suffice. If anything, it was almost refreshing to bump into them, but my thoughts are quickly snapped to the present as the white tiger shifts before my eyes.
Sax slowly stands, naked and unfazed, but it’s his pleading eyes that hold me captive.
“Are you okay?” he rasps, and my eyebrows rise, no words forming on my tongue as he nods, dragging a hand over his cropped hair as desperation plays at the corner of his eyes.
“What will it take for you to hear me out?” he asks, and my gaze unfortunately drops to his exposed length, making him scoff.
“I’ll fuck you if that's what your body wants, but I want to please your mind, heart, and soul too,” he states, causing an ache in my chest as my gaze returns to his. “Please.”