19
Camilla White
M y life is such a bloody mess.
It shouldn’t affect me—I know it shouldn’t—but it does. And worse, it hurts.
We’re not even involved anymore, but every action the duke’s mother took and every word she and Eleanor said felt like they were cutting me open.
Growing up, Vincent was always kind and charming to me despite the slight age gap. He was patient and attentive and did my bidding most of the time. It was refreshing to have someone to play with other than my mother. Of course, I would feel drawn to him.
Those few days together brought that connection back to the surface, and it’s only making things harder for me.
We know we shouldn’t have given in. I know better. For the past week, I’ve been holding on to whatever restraint is left because if I let go, I’ll be doomed.
“Oh, you have a dog?” a male voice startles me.
Turning around, with my hand clutching my chest from the scare, I find the duke’s youngest brother crouching down to pet Primrose.
“She’s such a cutie!” he exclaims, focused on her. Primrose, being the lover of attention she is, lies on her back, begging for belly rubs. “Does my brother know?”
“Yes, of course!” I answer, offended. “At some point, I thought about hiding her, but he quickly discovered her, and to be honest, I am way less worried now that he knows.”
“Hmm, he likes you then.” His comment is loud and clear, but he doesn’t let his attention on Primrose waver.
My heart goes into a rage fit, trying to beat its way out of my chest.
“What do you mean?” I voice my thoughts.
“You have to understand my brother’s education was…” Edgar trails off, stopping himself for a moment. “My brother was never allowed to play with me growing up. He was always too busy doing something our mother had prepared. His education was demanding and overbearing.”
That is not the Vincent I met, but then again, we were only together in an environment that was not controlled by his mother.
“I could only truly bond with my brother once we were both much older and he had been able to reduce the level of control imposed on him. My childhood was kind of lonely in that sense, but Vincent’s was much worse.”
“Really?” I ask, sitting down on a bench close to them. “He looks fine to me.”
“He ended up quite…well. At least, for the circumstances.” He stands and looks at me with a kind smile. “But he never bonded with friends when he was younger, let alone animals…”
“Are you sure?” I question when he sits down by my side. “He was very friendly with her. And she belonged to Her Grace, Mrs Hawthorne, originally.”
Primrose follows him and places her front paw on his legs, a couple of barks quickly letting us know her intentions. He surprises me by bending over and catching her with one arm, bringing her to his lap.
“She is yours now, right?” I nod. “Then that’s what counts. Never thought my brother would be such a simp.” He smirks.
“Simp?” I ask, confused about what it means.
He laughs. “I only use proper vocabulary in front of mummy dearest, and that’s only sometimes. It means he is whipped, wrapped around your finger.”
“That’s not true.” I start to laugh nervously. “There’s no way the duke would even think abou—”
“Darling,” he cuts me off. “I’m his brother. He may not confide in me as much as I’d like, but I know him and his body language quite well. I grew up aggravating the hell out of him, and I know the guy is head over heels…” He pauses for a second, pensive with Primrose nestled on his lap. “Even if he is still in denial. I mean, you both are.”
“You’re not making sense,” I mutter.
“Believe whatever you want.” He chuckles, amused. “How are you, though? My mother can be quite malicious if she sees a threat.”
“How could I even be a threat?”
“Little Milla, darling…Vincent may think he is smooth, but even my mother can notice the way he looks at you. That in itself is a threat to the plans she has for her firstborn son.”
Vincent does look at me with fire in his eyes sometimes. It’s like he’s hungry, eager to get a taste. I believe I might do so, too. It’s exhilarating—I both love and hate it.
“Doesn’t she?” Edgar questions with a tilt of his head. “Was she ever nice to you?”
“No, but—”
“There you go,” he cuts me off. “My mother may not be upfront about it, but she is aware of more than we can realise sometimes.”
“You’re so…knowledgeable,” I blurt.
Edgar chuckles, one hand covering his chest over his heart. “You sound surprised. That wounds me.”
“It’s not that…I—”
“In my world, knowledge is power. It’s been working wonders for me, to be honest. And…I’ve got too much free time on my hands, as well.”
“I see,” I comment, pressing my lips together to avoid a smile.
Edgar is nothing like Vincent. He is relaxed and easy-going and seems to have a unique sense of humour.
“You still didn’t answer me. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I answer. However, it comes out more of a question than an affirmation.
“No need to lie to me, sweet Milla.” His arm wraps around my shoulders, with my dog nestled on his lap.
“Does the duke know you're here?” I can’t help but ask, changing the subject.
“Are you afraid he’ll be jealous again?” Edgar smirks, and I blush furiously.
The last time he saw us together, he threw a huge fit. Neither of us will admit it out loud, but it was jealousy—or at least possession.
I thought it was ridiculous until I felt the same today. With Her Grace’s insinuating words about him and Eleanor, I felt a burn from the inside spreading out. Especially when I noticed how she was looking at him…
He was unbothered, but her hungry glances were constant, and it angered me so much.
“I—I don’t–”
“Don’t worry,” he reassures me with a smile. “I asked him for permission.”
“You did?”
He chuckles, and I look down at a fast-asleep Primrose. I just gave myself away; so much for deflecting the subject.
“Alright, I’ll give you that desperate break you’re looking for. You barely told me about yourself the last time; how about we continue the conversation?”
“There’s not much to tell. I grew up here all my life, and Her Grace took care of me after my mother’s death.” I shrug.
“There has to be more, for example, your origins,” he comments. “You give me the Asian goddess vibe. Tell me about that!”
“My mum was half-Indonesian.”
“And your father?”
“I don’t know,” I answer curtly. “But I assume British since I was born here.”
His semblance changes, a little bit of sadness covering it. “I apologize. I didn’t know.”
“No harm done.” I smile weakly. “It’s normal to talk about these matters.”
“You’re too kind. I can see what’s got my brother so drawn to you. It’s not often we can find people who are beautiful both on the outside and inside. It’s a rare trait in this cruel world we live in, even rarer in our little bubble. Please don’t ever change.”
“Why do you say that?”
“My people tend to be heartless and take advantage of good hearts like yours.”
“Your kind doesn’t have to worry about me. But I still appreciate the kind words, Your Grace.”
“Please, call me Edgar.” He smiles kindly. “Would you show me around? I haven’t visited the property properly in years.”
“Of course,” I exclaim, finding it exciting that he wants to explore.
We both stand up, and he quickly puts a whining Primrose on the ground. Chuckling, we both start to walk through the property. My baby girl is not happy about the sudden change but keeps following us around.
Having lived here all my life, I can say I am one of the few who knows the property like the back of my hand. As each step takes us deeper into the gardens, I notice how Edgar takes in the beauty of it.
The bushes are geometrical and fully tended, giving off a clear French vibe, much inspired in the Versailles Palace.
“Is that where the forest starts?” he asks, pointing at the far back, in the opposite direction of the stables.
“No, that’s the romantic garden your grandfather ordered when he married your grandmother. She loved it, and it was his wedding gift for her, a space of her own within this big property.”
Edgar frowns. “That’s a big romantic gesture for a couple that was forced to marry.”
“That’s because they weren’t forced. At least, that is what your aunt told me. They were crazy about each other.”
“Oh…My dad never told us stories about them.” He sighs before continuing, “At least not to me. We didn’t talk much, especially about the past.”
“Oh, I’m sorry about that,” I comment.
“Don’t be, darling. He was a good father. But I guess, in our world, things are done a certain way.” He smiles. “I got a pretty good childhood, better than Vincent.”
“You had it a lot easier?”
“Of course, he is the heir, after all— if not to the throne, to the Hawthorne’s title. That’s why my brother seems to have a stick up his ass most of the time. He has high, hard expectations he needs to meet. The pressure is huge.”
“Poor man,” I mutter.
“Don’t pity him. He’d hate that. He accepted his fate long ago...” Edgar trails off thoughtfully. “At least until you showed up. Let’s see how things develop from here on out.”
“What does that mean?” I frown.
“I don’t think I know yet.” Something catches his attention to our right. “Are these the stables?”
Upon looking in the same direction, I realise we have reached just that.
“Yes.”
“I love horses.” He beams. “Show me the babies, come on!”
“I think it would be easier to ask His Grace what he doesn’t like instead,” I comment with a light laugh.
And it’s true. Edgar is such a bright and funny person. He’s very easy to be around. It’s dangerous, though. People get attached easily.
“I am yet to find something I don’t like.” He smirks.
I can’t help but roll my eyes at his sassiness, and he grins in return. He’s the opposite of his brother, and I can’t help but relax and forget that he is my superior. My boss’s brother. And a nobleman, too…
His hand finds mine, quickly pulling me with him to the inside of the stables. The walls are mostly white, except for the wooden doors that limit the spaces where the horses sleep. Everything is neat, like usual, with Karl taking care of it.
To be honest, I don’t know how he manages on his own…Maybe it’s time to convince Vincent to find him a helper.
“This one is New Moon,” I show him the first mare we encounter, the one closer to the entrance. “Her Grace, Mrs Hawthorne named her after the perfect white circle on her forehead.”
I pet her nose and let my hand travel up to the area above her eyes, pushing the hair aside and showing it to Edgar. It’s the only part of her that is white; everything else is black.
She’s gorgeous.
“She’s beautiful,” he comments, extending his hand so she can sniff it.
“She’s the kindest of them all as well.”
“Camilla, hi,” Karl’s voice sounds.
Looking to our side, we watch him emerge from the back. His checkered shirt is unbuttoned at the top, with his chest glistening with sweat. He’s smiling at me, and I wave at him before answering, “Hi!”
“Hello,” Edgar greets, his voice deeper than just a few moments ago.
“Oh, Your Grace,” he greets with a surprised look. “I’m sorry. I didn’t notice Camilla had company.”
I steal a glance at Edgar, but the only thing that moves in his body is the eyebrow quirking up and his eyes scouring the man from top to bottom.
“Lovely Camilla here was showing me around since my brother is too busy,” Edgar answers curtly.
“I see,” Karl answers before turning his attention to me. “How are you today?”
What surprises me is not Edgar’s sudden cold demeanour when he talks to Karl but the way he places his left arm around my shoulders before I even have time to answer Karl.
What’s happening?
“Good,” I finally answer. “Thank you. And you?”
“All good,” his words come out slow.
Karl is looking in our direction, but he’s not looking at our faces. Instead, it looks like he’s focused right over my shoulder.
At the hand that’s squeezing it.
“Would you like to ride one of our horses?” I chime in when the silence stretches for too long and becomes uncomfortable.
Then Karl adds, “Maybe New Moon? She’s great for beginners.”
“I’m not a beginner,” Edgar scoffs. “I’ve known how to ride a horse since I was six years old.”
“I’m sorry.” Karl bows his head. “I didn’t think—”
“Of course not,” he cuts him off. “Camilla, darling, I want you to show me the Romantic Gardens. We’ll be more...comfortable there.”
Karl’s eyes widen, and he looks at me for a moment too long.
“I—” I stammer for a second, not knowing what to do.
The trance only ends when Karls silently leaves the stables, and I finally focus on Edgar.
“What was that?” I can’t help but sound irked, but this kind of behaviour is not only unacceptable but also dangerous.
If Vincent finds out–
“Well, you had asked if I had found something I don’t like. I think I just did,” Edgar admits, and at the same time, he fits his hands inside his pockets. “The way Karl-boy looked at you over there,” he tsks.
“He didn’t look at me in any way,” I counter. “He’s just nice.”
“You’re too kind-hearted, my dear. But that guy looks at you the same way my brother does. So, think of this as a favour.”
“A favour?”
“Yeah. This way you can keep your thingie with my brother because the staff will think you’re with me. No suspicions will arise,” he whispers before sporting a smirk.
I gasp.
“Don’t feel offended. I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Camilla,” he says, suddenly serious. “I won’t tell a soul about anything. I think you’re good for my brother, and for once, he deserves to have what he wants in life.”
“That’s...”
“I know, I know. I like you, too.” He smirks, but his eyes shine kindly. “So, think of me as an ally.”
His face matches the eyes now, with a soft semblant. A good indicator that he’s telling the truth. Maybe, after all, I’m not completely alone in this world .
That I have a real friend.
“I’ll make sure you keep your word, then.”