Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE_
DECAF
This is actually happening. Slowly, but it’s happening. And I hate that I’m stuck on his bed while Haz is in the bathroom, doing things to himself that I can only fucking imagine because he wouldn’t let me in there with him.
I’m naked, hard, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not if I want this to happen. And fuck, I’ve thought of nothing else since I realized he might have been flirting with me for real instead of taunting me.
I’m beginning to think this whole control bit he’s doing has nothing to do with my health and everything to do with his bratty streak.
The more I’m impatient, the more he’ll make me wait, so I’m patient as fuck while I wait for him.
Or as patient as I can be. By the time he comes back into his room, wearing only a towel and holding a bottle of lube, I’m clenching everything as hard as possible.
My teeth, jaw, my ass, everything. All so I can show him that I’m totally fine with him being in control. I am.
One day, when I’m not such a fucking mess health-wise, I’m going to do this right.
I’m going to make it all about Haz and what he deserves.
Because he deserves someone who takes care of him, who can fill that role.
I may never deserve to be his person, but I’m going to fight like hell to be what he needs.
The bottom wisps of his hair are wet from his shower, and he hasn’t dried himself off properly because his naked skin glistens in the low light. Beads of water slowly descend his rock-hard pecs, over the ridges of his abs, and then land on the towel I wish he wasn’t wearing.
When my gaze travels back up his body, I find him smiling. “Like what you see?”
I swallow hard. “Of course.”
“Are you ready for me?”
“I think the more important question is, are you ready?”
His expression turns serious as he says, “Physically? Yes.” Then he hesitates before adding, “Emotionally? Jury’s still out.”
I let out a loud breath because we’re on the same page about that. But that begs the question, “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
Haz’s cheeky smile is back. “You’re not going to get out of this that easily.” He drops his towel and squirts some lube on his hand before throwing the bottle on the bed. “Not when I’m aching with need.”
I involuntarily lick my lips as Haz reaches for his cock and gives it a long, languid stroke.
“If you’re so desperate, why aren’t you on top of me already?”
“Because you seem to think you’re still the one in charge here.”
Fucking hell. I might not survive sex with Hazard.
Slowly, Haz makes his way over to the bed, still stroking himself lazily, in no rush to put either of us out of our shared misery.
“I’m surprised someone as impulsive as you would have self-restraint.” I immediately regret the words as soon as I say them, because I’m sure they’re going to make him go that much slower.
Instead, he huffs. “I’m so close to breaking it’s not even funny.”
“Break for me.” It’s not an order. It’s a fucking plea.
And it’s all he needs to get him moving.
His knees hit the end of the mattress, and then he crawls on top of me.
Not all the way, only until his mouth hovers above my cock.
His warm breath on tight skin has a bead of precum pooling at my tip, and he licks it off with a quick but firm swipe of his tongue.
I tremble with want as a bolt of pleasure shoots down my spine, but he’s only getting started.
He sucks the head into his hot mouth and moves his lips lower, taking in my hard shaft until his nose hits my groin and I’m buried deep inside his throat.
It’s so slow, so deliberate, and fuck, I love watching him do it, but if he wants this to happen, he really has to fucking stop.
“Haz, fuck.”
He pulls off my cock and chuckles. Smartass. Reaching for the lube, he squirts some into his hand and wraps his fingers around me. It feels just as amazing as his mouth did.
I can’t wait to sink inside him. To have our bodies as close as physically possible.
“I need you,” I say in a tone that sounds like an order but is technically not.
“You’d think a man of your … experience would have more patience.”
I’m anything but patient when it comes to him. Even when he’s making age jokes.
“I just want you,” I say, softer this time.
Haz keeps stroking me, covering my cock in lube, but he dips his head as he kisses up my abs, over my nasty scars from surgery or bomb shrapnel, and up the middle of my chest. He slowly moves up my body until his legs straddle my hips and our mouths are a mere inch apart.
I want to lift my head so I can bring our lips together, but I know how much that’s going to hurt if I put that kind of pressure on my abs while they’re still healing, and I also know that Haz will move away if I try to do anything that resembles trying to take control.
Even knowing this, my body ignores my brain telling me not to do it and tries anyway.
As suspected, it hurts, and Haz pulls away, sitting upright on top of me.
His blue eyes shine down at me, and his face practically glows. He’s so beautiful. So fucking gorgeous, I can’t stand it.
I reach for his face, cupping his cheek and running my thumb over his soft skin. “Kiss me.” It might be a plea, but it still sounds like a demand, so I add, “Please.”
He doesn’t do it. At least, not right away. Instead, he reaches behind him and guides my cock toward his hole, gripping my shaft tight. The moment he sinks down on me, even the slightest bit—pushing the thick head past that ring of muscle—my whole body is a burning fire of lust.
It feels unnaturally good. So right. Perfection. Yet, somehow, I crave more.
He’s controlled as he continues to inch down on me, his thighs doing all the work. I’m grateful he has to go slow because the pressure surrounding my cock from just being inside him is almost too much.
Staring up at him, at his light eyes, his messy hair falling in his face, for the briefest of moments, I see his father. I try to shake the image free, but I can’t. Haz looks way too much like his dad like this.
I close my eyes so I can stop seeing Jesse and only focus on Haz, but Haz wraps a hand around my throat and leans over me, changing the angle of how I’m inside him and sinking further down my cock.
“Fuck,” I hiss as ripples of pleasure shoot out in every direction all over my skin.
“Open your eyes,” he whispers. “I want you to look at me while I’m doing this to you.” He lets out a shuddery breath. “I want you to know it’s me.”
That’s the issue, though. Looking at him, I’m getting flashes of my old best friend, and while I never had more than platonic feelings for the guy, our bond, our closeness … it’s confusing me to see him while I’m with his son.
I shouldn’t even be thinking about him.
“Decaf,” Haz begs as he eases up slowly and back down again.
I force my eyes open and remind myself that it’s Haz.
Hazard. Corey. He’s the one on top of me, he’s the one determined to stay by my side, and he’s the one I’ve fought for.
I wasn’t brave enough for Jesse, but with Haz, I’m all in.
And as I let myself watch him while he hovers above me, locks eyes with me, and begins to move at a faster pace, it’s easier to get lost in him.
“Damn, I love your cock,” he rasps.
“I love having you on my cock.”
He rotates his hips, and holy mother god of sex, I want—no, need—him to do it again. I don’t have the brainpower to doubt this when something this good feels so right. I need him to show me over and over again why being inside him is what I was made for.
I’m not a man of faith or a believer in fate. If Haz and I were destined to be together, why would the universe break me down completely and wholly, leave me empty, and then wait twenty years to force my hand at putting myself back together?
It makes no sense.
From the outside, Hazard and I make no sense.
But right here? Like this? Haz taking pleasure from me and giving in return? Connecting on this deeper level I’ve never reached before—with anyone? It makes me believe I could be wrong.
I was made for him, and he was made for me. And when his thighs begin to tremble, and his grip on my throat—which was lazy up until now—gets tighter, I know he’s close to coming.
I want to help get him there, but I know if I start meeting his thrusts, I’m going to hurt myself. There’s also a chance he will stop. So there’s nothing I can do but lie here and let it happen.
There’s one way I can assist, but the second I snake my hand between our bodies, he stops me. “I want to come hands-free for you.”
“Fuck, let me see that. I want to fucking see that.”
He moves fast, using his hands as leverage on my chest to lift himself into an upright position. Haz rides my cock, taking me over and over, faster and faster, and as I stare down between us, I see the moment he unleashes.
His release spurts between us in long ropes of cum that land on my stomach, and it sets me off. I come inside him, his hole contracting around my dick and milking me for everything I have.
Our pleasure comes crashing down in waves, covering us both in a sea of warmth and contentment, and it becomes official. I become a believer in fate.
Everything that has occurred in my life—the heartache, the pain, the emotional isolation—happened so I could be in this moment and give my all to Haz. My body, my mind… my heart.
“I have to say, sex makes the long-ass days in this place a lot shorter,” I say, completely breathless after orgasm number …
I have no fucking idea at this point. But having Haz in my arms feels so right, I wish time weren’t going so fast. Because we’re going to have to make a move soon, and I’m worried this bubble we’ve created will burst. In more ways than one.
Scout said he was going to be a couple of days.
So far, he’s been gone a week. His updates are sporadic and vague, saying he’ll be longer than anticipated but won’t say why.
Are we worried? Not yet. Maybe a little.
But then Haz successfully distracts me with his naked body, and I forget to be concerned again.
“If Scout doesn’t come back soon, we won’t have the food to keep doing this, though. Imagine how long the days will be when we don’t have enough calories to sustain us out here.”
“It’s not that far a walk to town.”
“Oh, you think a week of nonstop sex means you’re up for that long a walk?”
“Nope. I meant for you. I’m still injured. So injured. Still recovering. All the pain and stitches and … things.”
Haz laughs. “Of course. You’re not too injured to give me a good dicking down, but taking a leisurely stroll is too much.”
“Who knew sex was the best medicine? Total cure, and then when it’s over, I’m too sore to do anything else.”
His laughter turns to a sort of chortle. “Sure.” He pats my chest. “If Scout isn’t back in a few days, I’ll head out. By myself. Where anyone could sneak up on me and snap my neck or put a bullet in my head.”
I growl. “Damn you. Fine. We can both go.”
“That was too easy.”
It was. And the truth is, I am getting a lot better.
I can walk with him to the store. My whole arm is still going to be fucked up for months to come thanks to my wrist, but in three more weeks, I’m due to get the cast off and move to a wrist brace.
Depending on where I am in the world, it might be a hatchet job. Literally.
“Do … do you think something happened trying to get Zeus’s family out?” Haz asks.
“Nah. They’re probably taking extra precautions because kids are involved.” Even if my own worry grows each day he doesn’t come back. It really is too early to send up alarm bells, though.
“It’s cruel to think any government would go after children, let alone our own.”
“I lost faith in our government a long time ago,” I mumble. “The second they told us to stand down and not help the mother and small child. The years of complying have only made me all the more bitter toward those with power.”
“I’ve always hated authority.”
“Really? Couldn’t tell,” I say dryly.
“I’m a mysterious guy. Hold everything close to my chest and don’t let anyone know anything … oh, wait, nope. Sorry, that’s you.”
“Asshole,” I hiss.
“Yup.” Haz yawns. “I know we should get up and shower, but I’m wiped out.”
“We can shower in the morning. Get some sleep.” I turn my head and kiss his sweaty hair.
We’re both sweaty, covered in cum, and even though Scout could be back at any minute, we’ve been saying that for a week, and it still hasn’t happened. Not moving or breaking our connection is more important than a maybe.