Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX_
HAZARD
Decaf hates this, and I can’t say I blame him.
I want to be as close to him as possible and make sure he gets out alive too, but Trav is right.
If we’re too worried about each other and doing everything we can to make sure we survive, we’re going to leave the rest of our team out to dry.
If anyone else dies because of us, I can’t live with that, and I know Decaf can’t either.
Decaf has held on to the ghost of my father for too long to have it happen again.
Now, back in our room, I watch him rummage through the small duffel bag of clothes, trying to find something cleanish to wear, all the while avoiding eye contact with me.
I throw myself on one of the beds. We got a double room to keep up appearances, but that doesn’t matter now.
“I know you’re mad at me,” I say.
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Uh-huh. Sure. That’s why you won’t look at me.”
To prove me wrong, he turns toward me, but his glare is anything but reassuring. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Ah. But you are mad.”
“Of course I fucking am. I’ve thought this plan was stupid from the beginning, have protested every step of the way, and now, we’re not even going to be together when it all goes down. If I lose you, I am not going to be able to live with that.”
“Yes, you will.” I sit up and shuffle to the edge of the bed so I can reach for him.
He drops the remainder of his stuff in his bag and takes my hand. I pull him toward me, bringing him between my legs, and rest my head on his stomach. Decaf wraps his arms around me and holds me close.
“You know why you’re going to be able to live on?
” I ask, my head remaining exactly where it is.
I can’t look up at his face, or I might not be able to get this out.
“Because this is my choice, and I refuse to let you take responsibility for my choices. If something were to happen to me, I want you far away enough to know that it had nothing to do with you.”
“If I’m with you, I could—”
“You could lose me anyway, no matter what you do or do not do.” Finally, I lift my head to find the warmth in his worried gaze.
“I don’t plan for either of us to get hurt, but on the off chance it happens, I want you to know that, just like with my father, there’s nothing you could do to fix it.
None of it is your fault. I might even call your voicemail and repeat this, just in case you need the reminder in the future. ”
A single tear slips down his cheek. “I don’t …
I can’t think about that, or we’ll never show up to meet the others in the morning.
If it wasn’t for you wanting to start a new life without having to look over your shoulder every five minutes, I’d be taking you away tonight.
Running as far away from this life as humanly possible.
Hide out in a cabin in the middle of nowhere.
I’d go back to where we were a week ago, where we’d get lost in each other’s bodies and not have to worry about the future because it wasn’t happening yet. ”
I wrap my hand around the back of his neck while I scoot back up the bed and pull him down on top of me.
Decaf puts his hands out to prevent him from falling directly on me, and we move up the bed together until my head is on the pillow.
“And what would you do to me if we had all the time in the world and nowhere to be?”
He dips his head into the crook of my shoulder. “There are so many things.” His voice is raspy on my skin, the scrape of his stubble sending all of the blood in my body south.
“Show me.”
So he does.
He strips me down, kissing every inch of skin as he exposes it. He moves slowly, his lips soft as they caress my hot skin. I’m burning up. The need for Decaf is an eternal fire, and with every touch, he stokes the flame.
Despite aching for him, I let Decaf lead. I force my hands to remain at my sides, even though all I want to do is run my fingers down his back.
In between cherishing my body with his mouth, he slips out of his clothes, and only when I’m so desperate for him that my stomach is covered in precum does he lower himself so that we’re skin on skin.
He’s a blanket of muscle, and with his heavy weight on top of me, our souls intertwine.
Our breathing syncs. And for just a moment, we stare into each other’s eyes.
The world and everything else disappears.
Tomorrow is inevitable, but here? Now? We’re able to block that out and get lost in each other.
He makes love to me as if it will be the last time. He goes so slowly, I’m sure he’s memorizing every freckle, every scar, and every inch of me. He worships me, fills me, makes me feel complete.
And when we’re done, sweat and cum covering our skin, it’s a surreal moment to think this may never happen again. If we are going to die tomorrow, at least we can say that we went out on a high.