24. Let It Out
Let It Out
It was the first weekend in weeks that I didn’t have shit that I needed to do. And after the shit show at Jada’s service, I wanted to step out.
Things were slowly getting back to normal at home. Islah had her moments where she seemed off or lost, but I didn’t read too much into it.
She was just getting back to the crib after getting her nails and shit done when Katie called me.
“Wussup, cuz?” I said, picking up the phone.
“Cuzzo, what are you and the family on today?”
My eyes followed Islah as she moved to the kitchen.
“Not shit, cuz. I worked my ass off during the week so I could chill this weekend. Why, wussup?”
“My man was supposed to be going out of town for his birthday, but his right hand got locked, so I’m throwing him a lil’ party. Why don’t y’all slide through?”
“Say less, cuz, we’ll see you in a few.”
I hung up with her just as Islah was coming around the corner.
“You will see who in a few?” she asked.
I stood up. “Katie throwing her man a lil’ party. Get dressed, I told her we would come through.”
Islah looked like she wasn’t up for the shit.
“If you are tired, you can stay here, and I will slide for a lil’.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. Let me change.”
We both went upstairs, and I told Amir what the move was before going into our room.
Islah was standing in the closet looking for something to wear.
“Before I know it, I am not gonna be able to wear half the shit in here.”
I laughed, looking back at her. “You right, mamas, let me get you a pregnancy haul.”
We took our time stepping outta the house, but when we did, we looked good as a family.
I stopped at the liquor store and grabbed a bottle before we went around the way.
It was nice outside, not summer weather, but when we got around the East End, niggas were outside grilling like it was.
On the way to Katie’s crib, we stopped and chopped it up with Sammy for a bit, seeing how he was since I haven’t talked to him, and got Amir and me a quick lineup.
“The block has been wondering where you’ve been,” Sammy said.
I laughed. “Tell them a nigga don’t hug the block no more, I hug my lady in bed.”
Sammy laughed. “I told them Love a house nigga now. The only time we finna see you is if something’s wrong.”
I agreed. “If niggas see me, they know they fucked up.”
Once I was done talking to him, we went around the corner and pulled up to Katie’s spot.
“Damn,” I said, looking around. “She invited the whole Zone 6, huh?”
Islah and Amir laughed.
“As long as the food is good, I don’t care,” Amir expressed.
Me and Islah laughed as we hopped out. Amir took off running ahead of us while we took our time getting to the house.
“The next get-together people should be at is our wedding party,” I said.
She smirked without commenting on it.
We walked through the yard. I waved at some people who were yelling my name, and we made our way inside. As we moved around the living room to the dining room, we found Katie.
She stopped everything she was doing to run up to Islah and hug her.
“Cuzzo, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ma steaql ya girl and let her meet the family.”
I nodded. “Go ’head, I’ma fix me a drink.”
After getting my drink, I walked back out to the dining room, dapped up a few of my cousins, and sat down at the table ready to get into the next dice game.
“You ready for this?” my cousin Ron asked.
I laughed. “Nigga, when have you ever beat me in a game? Set the shit up.”
I don’t know how many games I played, but once the money being thrown on the table started getting bigger, I wasn’t letting up.
And I was taking niggas’ pockets and laughing while doing it. After a while, I saw Islah come in. She walked around the table with all them niggas staring at her and kissed me.
“That nigga Love never lose, huh?” one of my cousins said, making the room laugh.
“And he don’t play about this one either, Cory,” Katie said, “They are getting married.”
“Oh, word?” Cory said. “When are y’all getting married?” he asked, looking at Islah.
Islah looked at me, then back at him.
“Umm…whenever we pick a date.”
I looked at her, confused, but played it off.
“Yeah, we been having a lot going on. It’s coming, though.”
The topic changed for a lil’ bit, and I kept talking while thinking about how she couldn’t answer the question, but it was okay, cause every time somebody looked at her ring, the question got brought back up about when the big day was, and she was still dodging it to the point I was ready to go.
After the last game, I stood up from the table, then grabbed my money and Islah’s hand.
“Iight, fam, it was nice, but let me take the fam home,” I said, moving out of the dining room while dapping some niggas up.
Katie walked with us out to her sidewalk and talked to Islah about wedding plans while I yelled for Amir to come on.
Once I got him, Katie told Islah to let her know when the wedding was going to be, and we walked down the street to the car.
Amir and Islah talked the whole ride home; I didn’t say shit. I was stuck on how Islah couldn’t answer any questions.
When we got home, Amir went to take a shower while Islah walked into the kitchen and followed behind her.
“Do you want to marry me?” I flat-out asked her.
She almost choked on her water. “Yeah, baby, why would you ask that?”
I took a deep breath. “Islah, I am not trying to come for you, baby; please remember that, but you have been acting different since you’ve been back.”
“No, I haven’t,” she shot back.
I nodded. “You have, mamas. You ran out when you were with your girls and ignored us. You did the same thing to me in Miami, and any time I bring up something about the wedding, you dodge that shit.”
“I am not meaning to,” Islah expressed. “I don’t—”
“I know you are not meaning to. I know you went through something traumatic. It just seems like you don’t want to marry me now, and I need you to talk to me.”
Islah looked around the kitchen, not saying anything.
“TALK!” I shouted, slamming my fist on the counter, making her jump.
“Love, I don’t know what is wrong. Gio got under my skin, and I thought I would be able to walk away, but I haven’t. Sometimes I still hear his voice. Some nights I still have dreams. Then I get scared.”
I tilted my head. “Scared of what?” I asked.
She paused. “That you would hurt me the way he did, or cheat on me, or play with me.”
I paced the floor for a second. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
“Islah, have I not shown you that I love you, that I have you, that I would keep you protected no matter what? I crossed the country for you, I laid people down because of you, I was missing money making sure you’re okay, and out of nowhere, you scared or worried that I will do you like that nigga did.
What the fuck about me says I step like him? ” I asked.
She didn’t respond.
I shook my head. “Islah, I don’t know what else to do to show you that I got you. If I could buy you the world, I would, but baby, I didn’t hurt you. I have been doing everything in my power to make sure you are not hurt.”
She looked at me, and tears ran down her face.
“Islah, do you want to marry me?” I asked her again.
This time, she didn’t respond right away.
“I…I…I think I do.”
I smirked and nodded as I pulled my key outta my pocket and walked out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” Islah asked.
I opened the front door and stopped.
“I don’t know, Islah. I need to think.”
I slammed the door behind me, hopped in my car, and pulled off.
I was fighting to make sure Islah was okay, fighting for her love, and whole time, she wasn’t fighting with me. What I thought we had, I didn’t know if we had it anymore.