Chapter 15
Moving On
After Gio had Bully track me down, I knew rebuilding my life in Cali was gonna be harder than I thought. Gio had a pull on me. Despite everything I have said to that nigga, my body still craves him at night. My mind is made up, but my heart is wondering where he’s at.
But I kept it pushing and got my shit together, lil’ by lil’.
I had one interview that didn’t work out, but when I talked to my mama about it, she put me on to her friend, Ms. Jackie, who worked in HR at HCA Healthcare.
Ma and Ms. Jackie must be really locked in because before I knew it, I had an interview, left with the job, and was on the schedule for the next two days.
That change was everything I needed; I felt like I was on the right path.
I didn’t lose my touch in the nurse shit.
I probably held a job for less than a year before I met Gio.
But after some basic training, I slipped right back into it like I never left.
My coworkers were cool; a few ladies and I went out for drinks after a long shift.
It was nice to talk to women about other things besides drugs and our niggas in gang shit.
The vibe with them was always nice, but the niggas in that hospital?
The niggas through there was on a whole different level.
From the nurses to janitors to security, they were all on a bitch tough.
Bringing me lunch, flowers, flirting when I passed by, and I couldn’t blame them; I did look good in my scrubs.
But I kept my distance, not because I wanted to, but because I was worried. Not for me, but for them, and what Gio might do to them. That’s when I decided that I needed to put some distance between us. That was going to be the only way I was going to be able to move on with my life freely.
Once I made my decision and put in for my transfer, I went home and talked to my parents about it.
“If you are running from this nigga, let me shoot him!” my daddy said, his tone half-serious, half-joking, but with that old skool warning edge.
I rolled my eyes at him while my momma sucked her teeth.
“I’m not running away from him, Daddy—not like that,” I said as I took a sip of wine. “It’s more so for me. Part of me wants to walk away from him, part of me wants to stay… It’s hard, and moving will make it easier for me, for him too.”
My mom nodded. “I don’t like it, but I understand where you are coming from. You have an unhealthy love for that man, and should have walked away after three years of not having a ring, not seven.”
Dad agreed with Mom, and so did I. They gave me their approval even though I damn sure didn’t need it, but it made me feel less alone with the plans I was making.
My transfer got approved faster than I thought. I took that as a sign that I was moving in the right direction. And with that, I was heading to Atlanta.
I had about three weeks to get my ass there. I was on crunch time to find a place, but a bitch credit was A1, so it took no time to lock one down. Plus, I was still sitting pretty from the money Gio left me.
I wasted no time taking my leave and getting the rest of my shit together.
My mom decided to ride with me to my storage unit to help me go through the things I took from the apartment.
Everything was lil’ reminders of Gio and me.
Some things made me smile, some made my chest ache like I’d been punched.
I sorted through the stuff and put what I wanted in separate boxes, sitting them outside my unit so Ma could label them.
I lingered over a few, touching the fabric, looking at old photos a lil’ too long, like I wasn’t trying to let go.
Ma cleared her throat, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “I am… I was just thinking.”
“You know you don’t have to move, right?”
I exhaled.
“I know, Ma…but I need to.”
Once I was done, I pulled the door down and locked it.
“The rest of this shit can wait until I come back.”
Ma folded her arms across her chest.
“Are you coming back?”
I rolled my eyes as I walked to the driver’s door. “Of course I’ma be back. LA is my home.”
She nodded slowly. “I’ma hold you to it. Hopefully, next time you come back it’s with a real man and my grandbaby in your stomach.”
I laughed at the thought, but the whole time, I wanted the same thing; it’s just that wanting wasn’t enough anymore.
I slid into the driver’s seat and leaned back, taking a deep breath.
The day felt heavy, like the city knew I was leaving.
I didn’t say anything as we drove, letting Ma hum along to the radio while the city shrank in my rearview mirror.
I felt a mix of grief and relief when I caught my finger sparkling in the sun.
The ring.
I forgot all about it.
I hit a right turn, and my momma looked at me.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“One more stop before home,” I said, not letting her know anything else.
With traffic, it took almost an hour to get to the house, but Ma enjoyed the ride, picking out what she liked about houses in passing. I drove up the driveway and parked in front of the house.
“Where are we?” she asked.
“The house that Gio bought,” I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
“Islahhh,” my mom said, staring at the house. “This is beautiful. He bought this for you?”
I laughed. “Yeahh, he did.”
I hopped out of the car, walked up the steps, and unlocked the front door with Mom right behind me to check out the inside.
I looked at Gio's things stacked in the middle of the living room and walked over to them. A lil’ in disbelief that I was actually leaving him.
“Did he get this before you found out everything?”
I nodded. “The key was in the things he had Bully hold for him.”
I leaned against the window, taking a deep breath.
“Why do you feel like you need to walk away from him and all this?”
“Because…I feel like it was all done to cover up what he was doing, or to make up for it. Gio hoped that I never found out about her.” I shook my head, trying not to think too deep. “He did it once behind my back; I don’t want it to be a second time.”
Ma nodded, and I took the ring off and set it on the window seal.
“Come on, let’s go.”
We walked out, and I looked at the house one last time before hopping in the car.
Before going back to my mom’s house, I stopped on Crenshaw and saw Bully standing on the block.
I parked on the side of the street and told Ma I would be back.
She nodded, and I hopped out and headed across the street.
Bully saw me coming and smiled.
“Wussup, sis, how you feelin’ today?” he asked as I hugged him.
“I’m good. I’m not gonna keep you long, I just wanted to give you the key to the house.”
I handed him the key, and he stared at it for a minute.
“To you and Gio’s new house?”
“To Gio’s house,” I corrected him. “I told you I was leaving. I forgot I had the ring and the key too.”
Bully shook his head.
“This shit is gonna set this nigga off, you know that, right? He already mad off with the lil’ shit I told him about you.”
I sucked my teeth. “I don’t care about him being mad. He doesn’t believe that I’m done; that’s a shame on him.”
Bully nodded and opened his arms wide for a hug.
“Iight, girl, be safe wherever you go. Holla at me if you ever need me.”
I nodded and headed back to my car. As I started it, I exhaled, but this time, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
“Well, I’m officially done, Gio.”
“I’m proud of you, baby You are doing what is right for you.”
Shit, I was proud of myself.
When we got back home, Ma finished helping me by sorting through the lil’ things I brought in there: important docs, records, and anything special my parents wanted me to take with me.
It was very tedious and felt like the final step, but it was necessary.
I was ready to go by this point, but for some reason, my chest was still in knots.
Gio.
That nigga never left my thoughts for a second. My mind was made up, but my heart was still craving him, wanting him. But I had to keep tellin’ myself that distance was the only way. Atlanta wasn’t just a change of scenery; it was a fresh start.
Later that evening, I sat on the bed with a glass of wine, staring at the neatly packed suitcases I had in my room.
It was quiet, almost too quiet. I checked my phone, half expecting some alert, some call, some message from Gio, but there was nothing.
Not a text, not a missed call, not even one of those stupid ass emoji just to let me know he was thinking about me.
I let out a slow breath and muttered to myself, “Finally… maybe he’s letting go.”
But even as the words left my lips, I knew they weren’t true. He never let things go, and that thought made the pit in my stomach tighten.
I poured myself another glass of wine and moved to the window, leaning against the frame, looking up at the night sky.
The fading lights reflecting off the city below, cars moving like lil’ red and white dots down the streets I knew like the back of my hand.
LA had always felt alive to me, loud and bright, full of opportunity and danger all wrapped up in the same breath.
But that night felt heavy, like it was watching me.
I sipped my wine slow and forced my mind somewhere else. Atlanta, my new place, the job. A whole new city that didn’t know me, and didn’t know Gio.
That was what I needed.
By the time the glass was empty, I started to feel tired. The type of tired that came from thinking too damn much.
I pushed away from the window, set the glass on the dresser, and hopped into bed. The house was quiet. My parents were already in their room, and the only sound I could hear through the house was the air kicking on and cars passing by outside now and then.
At some point, I must’ve drifted off, and when I woke up, I felt strange. Like something was off.
I sat up in bed and looked for my phone when my bedroom door opened, and I jumped.
“Gio?” I said as he walked into the room.
He looked at me, all crazy. “Yeah, girl, what’s wrong with you?”
I looked around and jumped outta bed, everything in the room was still the same: my suitcases were still sitting off to the side, the empty bottle of wine and my glass sitting on the dresser. The only different thing was the nigga in my room.
“What are you doing here? You are not supposed to be here.”
He laughed at me. “Why ain’t I?”
“Because you are in jail! How are you here right now?” I asked, cuffing my hair in my hands, feeling like I was losing my mind.
Gio wasn’t trippin’, though he was laughing at me, looking around at my things, but not really giving me an answer.
“Gio, what are you doing here?” I asked again.
He took a seat on the edge of my bed and stared at me, the smile on his face slowly melting away.
“Come on now, Mama, you know me, don’t you?” he said softly. “I missed you.”
I shook my head, my heart started racing, and I was so confused.
“Do you still love me?” he asked.
I wanted to say no, but nothing in my body would let me.
“Yes, I love you.”
He nodded at me. “Then don’t leave me.”
I stared deep in his eyes. “Gio, I don’t trust you. I can’t wait years for nothing to happen, I told you.”
Gio stared back at me and nodded. The soft look he had on his face was slowly fading away.
“I will not let you go, Islah.”
I exhaled. “You have to Gio, I’m leaving you.”
Gio shook his head. “Over my dead body. You were made to be my wife, and that’s it.”
I stood up. “Gio, I can’t do this.”
I walked to the door and tried to grab the knob, but couldn’t; it was like the doorknob had gel or something slick on it.
Gio just sat on the bed watching me struggle to get out of the room, not helping me, not saying anything. I turned around and looked at him, and he straight laughed in my face and said, “I told you, you can’t get away from me. This is death row!”
I jumped up outta my sleep in a cold sweat and out of breath. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and saw it was four in the morning.
I got out of bed, put on my robe, and went to the kitchen for a drink of water. The dream felt so real that my hands were still shaking.
“What type of hold is this?” I asked myself, not understanding why letting go of him felt harder than it had to be, and that’s when I made my decision…
I needed to leave for Atlanta as soon as I could; I needed to get that nigga off my back.