14. Alex
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
alex
My eyes found her as soon as I walked into Jake’s backyard almost an hour ago. Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to her. Unable to look away as she floats across the yard, chatting with various people. Wishing I had the nerve to strike up a conversation with her.
I was completely fine gazing at her from afar until Jimmy approached her.
All of the sounds from the party immediately became muffled, overtaken by my beating heart and erratic breathing.
It’s almost like everyone else disappeared, and it’s only me watching.
Noticing every time Jimmy touches her. How she responds to him.
The way her eyes light up. The angelic sound of her laugh.
How can she be talking to him? He’s the exact opposite type of guy she needs in her life.
Does he have to sit so close to her? Can’t the man give her a little goddamn space?
Maybe I’m hallucinating. She can’t possibly have real feelings toward fucking Jimmy.
“Fancy seeing you here,” Shane teases as he struts over to me with a beer in his hand. “Why do you look like you’re about to murder someone? What has Jason done now?” He scans the crowd for Jason, who oddly hasn’t made an appearance yet.
“It’s nothing. Just have a lot on my mind,” I reply, hoping it’s enough to get him to drop this line of questioning. I press the beer bottle to my lips and take a long, cold drink, never taking my gaze away from Chelsi and Jimmy.
If I were smart, I’d bury my feelings and cover them with a ton of cement, ensuring no one ever learns how I truly feel about her.
I’d find a way to make it impossible for me to get worked up when I see her.
Stop myself from fantasizing about what a life with her could be like.
How perfectly she would fit in my arms. The way she’d curl into me at night.
“Bullshit. You seem…distracted, and you’re never distracted.” Shane squints as his brow furrows. His head slowly turns in the direction I’m looking, then his mouth drops open. “Didn’t see that one coming. Chelsi and Jimmy… Wow.”
Clutching the beer bottle tightly, my throat goes dry as I begin to spiral. If Chelsi dates Jimmy, I’ll have to see the two of them together on tour. Watch them canoodle on the bus—the same place I sleep every night.
If I have to listen to her moans coming from Jimmy’s bunk, I’ll fucking lose it.
“Are you okay?” Shane asks, tapping me on the shoulder and bringing me back to reality.
I wipe my brow and take another long drink. “Yep. Totally fine. Can’t believe she would give him the time of day.”
“Me neither.” Shane chuckles and places one hand on his hip. “Especially when she has a boyfriend.”
“She and Logan broke up. That’s why she’s in town. She’s living with Kate and Jake,” I reply, tightening the grip on the beer bottle to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised if cracks start forming in the glass.
“Hold on. She’s single?” Shane whistles. “Guys are going to be all over her. No wonder Jimmy was so quick to go after her. Probably should make my way over there, too. If she’s considering her options, I wanna throw my hat in the ring.”
I gulp. “You like her?”
My chest constricts, waiting for his response, even though I know the answer.
Shane flirts with her every time she joins Kate on tour.
He might not be as obvious as Jimmy, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’s attracted to her.
The worst part is Shane’s a great guy. Chelsi would be lucky to have him in her life.
I don’t know what would be worse. Seeing her with Jimmy every day until he gets bored with her and finds someone else, or watching her fall in love with Shane. Both options would destroy me.
What is wrong with me?
How can I be so bent out of shape over a woman who was never mine to begin with? Never will be mine.
“I’ll catch up with you later, Alex. Gonna go shoot my shot with Chelsi. See if I can get her away from Jimmy’s antics and get some one-on-one time with her myself.”
I nod, unable to respond as my feet remain firmly planted in place.
Part of me is dying to confidently stroll across the space and convince her to give me a chance.
Tell her how much I cherish every conversation we have.
Mention how her laughter is the best sound in the world.
Ask if she’ll allow me the opportunity to earn a spot in her life.
Then reality hits me: My life isn’t suited for another person. Definitely not someone of Chelsi’s caliber.
Clenching my fists, I force myself to walk over to a table in the opposite corner, intentionally taking a seat so I can’t watch her chat with two of the men whom I’ll be spending almost all my time with over the next few months.
Praying she doesn’t find either of them interesting, so I’m not subject to torture as I work nonstop this summer.
Hoping she won’t become a semi-permanent passenger on our bus, so I won’t have to be in proximity to her and whichever guy she chooses.
I drop my head into my hands and groan. This is what I get for allowing my heart to feel again. For allowing myself to imagine spending my life with a woman I can’t have.
Maybe I deserve to watch her fall in love with someone close to me. Maybe that’s my penance for everything I’ve done.
The party continues around me as I politely chit-chat with anyone who stops by my table, counting down the seconds until it’s acceptable for me to leave.
I’ve spent the past twenty minutes listening to Jason drone on about his new idea of incorporating an exclusive VIP-invite-only acoustic session at some of our tour stops this summer, practically demanding I figure out location space and make time in Jake’s schedule to ensure it happens.
I tried to reason with him for a few minutes, but ultimately gave up.
I told him I’d make it happen once he got Jake to agree.
Did I call his bluff? Yep.
I distinctly remember how adamant Jake was last summer about having time to spend with Kate on tour, so I can’t imagine he’s going to be on board with this idea.
It also had the benefit of causing Jason to leave me alone, choosing to take the matter up immediately with Jake.
Based on Jason’s wild gesturing while he talks to Jake, it doesn’t appear to be going well.
Tilting my head toward the sky, I close my eyes and start using the box breathing technique I learned in the Marine Corps to help calm my nerves.
Inhale. One, two, three, four.
Hold. One, two, three, four.
Exhale. One, two, three, four.
Hold. One, two, three, four.
Repeat.
I’m so focused on the pattern that I don’t hear anyone come up to the table.
“Don’t tell me you’re the type of guy who sits alone at parties. If so, I’m going to walk away,” Chelsi teases, her signature vanilla-and-floral scent permeating the air.
My eyes snap open as I take in the beautiful woman in front of me.
She has a drink in one hand and the other on her hip, with a smirk on her lips.
“I won’t be alone if you join me,” I reply, pulling out a chair and gesturing for her to sit next to me.
It’s only a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity before she finally takes a seat, turning so she’s angled to face me.
All the benefits of the breathing technique I used to regulate my nervous system vanish as my heart sputters. Although our bodies aren’t touching, this is the closest I’ve ever been to her, minus dancing at the wedding and the time she briefly touched my arm when I unexpectedly saw her in a towel.
“So…were you planning to ever strike up a conversation with me today, or just stare at me from afar?” She raises her eyebrows, then takes a sip of her lemonade.
Shit. She saw me.
I swallow hard, my mouth bone dry. “You seemed pretty content with all the attention being showered on you. Didn’t want to interrupt.
” Taking a sip from my beer, I lock eyes with her, and the connection sets my soul ablaze.
No matter what I try, I feel an incredible pull toward her.
It’s like she’s a homing beacon, guiding me in from the storm and ushering me to safe waters.
Is it possible she could feel the same magnetic pull?
Who am I kidding? She probably rarely notices me, unless I’m gawking at her like a lovestruck fool. I doubt she remembers any of our conversations, unlike me, who replays each one on repeat.
Chelsi laughs, a huge grin on her face. “I thought Kate and Jake were going to reprimand me for talking to Jimmy. It’s been a long time since I’ve had parents interrogating my dates.
” She pauses for a moment, licking her bottom lip and effectively sending my heart into overdrive.
“Jimmy’s a character. Sounds like he knows how to show a girl a good time.
Shane seems to be a great guy. I can see why there are countless women interested in both of them.
” Her eyebrows arch slightly as she takes a long drink, never breaking eye contact with me.
I clutch the beer bottle tightly, trying to keep my simmering anger under control at the thought of her and Jimmy together. It’s a free world. She can date whomever she wants. I would just prefer it not be Jimmy. Or Shane. Or anyone else I know.
This is one of those times when I should say something.
Speak up and tell her that she deserves way better than Jimmy.
Explain how I’d love to take her out, whenever she’s ready to start dating again.
Offer to show her around town as friends if she’s interested.
Literally say anything to get more one-on-one time with her.
But I don’t. Instead, I keep staring into her deep brown eyes as I take sips of my drink.
It’s almost like we’re caught in some type of magical trance, where we’re not breaking eye contact but not saying anything, either.
The air feels charged, like an electric storm could start at any moment from the power radiating from the two of us.
I notice every inhale she takes, the way her pulse pounds in her neck, the glistening of the sun’s rays on her hair, the fragrant aroma that is unmistakably her, circulating through the air.
I wish I could bottle this moment and take it with me, pulling it out whenever I wanted to feel close to her.
To remember what it’s like to be in her presence.
A strong arm grips my shoulder, sending me back to reality.
“You need to come talk to Jake. He’s convinced you can’t make this new VIP session work,” Jason says, a hint of frustration in his voice.
“Some bullshit about logistics that I told him you would handle.” He lets go of my shoulder.
“Hey, Chelsi. Nice to see you again. Sorry to interrupt whatever this is,” he gestures between us, “but I need Alex. Tour stuff.”
Chelsi chuckles. “It’s fine, Jason. I know how important work is to you. Have you seen Anna?” She takes another long sip of her spiked lemonade, carefully watching Jason’s reaction.
Jason’s eyes narrow. “Why? What did she say? I don’t have time for her bullshit. I have enough on my plate.” He turns his head to scan the backyard, looking for the petite Southern blonde.
Chelsi covers her mouth, trying not to laugh at how quickly Jason’s mood soured further.
I shake my head and roll my eyes. One day, the truth of what’s going on with the two of them will come out. I don’t know when or how, but I know there is more to that story than they’re letting on.
“Let’s go, Alex. I almost had Jake agreeing until he thought it was too much to ask. I tried to tell him you’re a miracle worker and could make it happen.”
I sigh loudly. “I’ll figure it out. Let’s go talk to Jake and get this over with.” I take one final look at Chelsi and smile. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”
She nods and flashes me a brilliant smile that hits my chest like a jolt of lightning. Restarting my dead heart and instantly bringing it roaring to life. After a lifetime of being closed off, my heart cracks open again, wanting to let her in.