16. Alex
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
alex
It’s the first day of rehearsals for the band, and the primary crew arrived a few hours early to practice setting up and tearing down.
Some tour managers might think it’s overkill, but I believe the crew should run as many reps as the band does, which is why we bring on a large portion of our team full-time once the band starts practicing.
We treat every morning like we’re tearing down and packing up to head to the next city, followed by setting it up again before the band arrives.
It’s a significant amount of work, but it ensures we know exactly how long each step takes and ultimately saves time as the weeks progress.
Thankfully, Jake agrees with my approach and fully supports the extra cost. I can’t imagine many other musicians would feel the same way.
He also understands how much the repetition makes me feel more comfortable when I have to leave the team one weekend a month to train with my reserve unit.
I hate putting my responsibilities on others when I’m gone, so I do everything in my power to ensure the tour flows smoothly in my absence.
Jake’s willingness to accommodate my idiosyncrasies and his trust in me are two of the many reasons my loyalty to him is unmatched.
I’m so engrossed in watching one of our newer crew members set up Zac’s drum set that I don’t hear the footsteps behind me.
“Crew seems to be looking good for the first day,” Jake says smoothly, crossing his arms and standing beside me.
I startle, taking a step back and clutching the clipboard to my chest.
Jake grips my shoulder. “Didn’t mean to surprise you. I wanted to show my support for the team, so I thought I’d come in early.”
He’s never done this before, making me immediately suspicious.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s extremely supportive of the crew and doles out some of the biggest bonuses in the industry, but he rarely chooses to be anywhere early.
It’s like pulling teeth to keep this man on schedule.
I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s taken the stage late over the years.
“Any other reason you’re here so early?” I ask, confident he’s got an ulterior motive and hoping it will not screw up my meticulously planned schedule.
“Now that you mention it…”
Keep it together. Wait until you hear what he wants before losing your shit internally.
“Thought we might have a long, friendly chat.” He points to a table in the corner of the room and heads in that direction.
I take a deep breath before following him, bracing myself for whatever he might say.
I’m confident enough to know my job isn’t at risk.
He’s also reasonable enough not to expect me to make any more significant changes to the tour structure.
We’re well past the point of no return when it comes to the stage setup and logistics.
Jake takes a seat at the high top, gesturing for me to sit next to him. He’s completely at ease, unbothered by whatever he’s about to talk to me about. Hopefully, this means it can’t be too serious.
“Did you have a good time at the cookout?” Jake asks, eyeing me from across the small table.
“It was nice to see everyone with their families,” I reply, unsure of where this is going. He knows I’m not one to make small talk. If he wasn’t hosting the event, I would’ve skipped it completely.
He nods, rubbing his hand on the bottom of his jaw. “Anything interest you at the party?”
Huh? What is that supposed to mean? Is he fishing for compliments on the catering?
“Uhh…the food was great.” I grip the edges of my clipboard tighter as it rests on the table and force myself to smile.
Why is this so awkward?
“Anything else?” His eyebrows perk up as he stares at me.
Clearly, he doesn’t want to hear about the food. What else can I say?
“The atmosphere was nice.” I avert my gaze by quickly looking across the room to check on the progress the crew is making.
He sighs and blows out a loud breath. “Might as well come out and ask because beating around the bush isn’t working.” He pauses for a moment before continuing, “I caught you staring at Chelsi. It was like your eyes were locked on her almost the entire time. Is there something you want to tell me?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Think of something quick.
A way out of this conversation that doesn’t involve you accidentally sharing your secret feelings for her—the ones that need to stay deeply buried forever.
“Don’t remember staring at her. You must be mistaken,” I reply calmly, clasping my hands together in front of me and resting them on the clipboard like a goddamn professional.
Jake squints as a smirk spreads across his face.
“Is that what you want to go with? Pretend you weren’t checking out the woman who is practically my sister?
” He leans back slightly. “It looked like you were enamored with her—at least until you saw her with Jimmy, then you appeared ready to kick his ass.”
“I’d have that reaction with anyone. It’s fucking Jimmy, for Christ’s sake. You know how he can be. He chases anything with a skirt, and they never seem to mind being caught. He’s always upfront about his intentions, but it doesn’t mean I have to like watching him do it.”
“Don’t buy it. You weren’t looking at her the same way I’ve seen you clock other women Jimmy has brought to events.” He crosses his arms, not losing eye contact with me. “This was different. She’s different. Want to tell me why that is?”
“Not really.”
Jake chuckles. “Yeah. That one’s not gonna fly with my wife or me.”
Fuck. Fuck. F.U.C.K!
If Kate’s noticed the way I look at Chelsi, I’m really screwed. She’s probably already mentioned it to Chelsi, thanks to girl code. They likely laughed about it over a glass of wine, chuckling at how ridiculous it is for me to believe Chelsi is anywhere near my league.
I groan, dropping my head in my hands. “Fine. I may have checked her out a few times. She’s a beautiful woman.”
“And…”
“And what? That’s it,” I reply, looking up at him. “I’m not interested in her.”
“Keep telling yourself that, Alex. From my vantage point, you looked extremely interested. And you might be one of the very few men who could capture her heart.”
I gulp and blink multiple times, convincing myself I must’ve heard him wrong. There’s no way he could think I’m a good match for Chelsi.
“Let me give you some very unsolicited advice. If you’re interested, you need to shoot your shot.
She may claim to be done with dating, but that’s only because she’s spent her entire life being pursued by tools.
When the right guy shows up and actually woos her—rather than trying to get in her pants—that’s a man who has a chance at winning her heart.
” Jake shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at me.
“Chelsi deserves someone to treat her as the center of their world, and Jimmy sure as fuck can’t do that. ”
I nod in agreement.
He stands up, clasping his hand on my shoulder. “All I’m saying is you should ask her out. Get to know her. Find out how much you have in common. You’re going to seriously regret it if you wait too long.”
Jake walks away without another word, heading directly toward the stage to greet the crew. This conversation hasn’t impacted him one bit. He said his piece and moved on—unlike me.
I’ll be distracted for the rest of the day, replaying his words in my head and questioning how serious he might be about Chelsi and me being a good match.
Wondering whether Chelsi might have any interest in me that she’s shared with Kate.
Curious if it’s worth testing the water to see if the chemistry with her is as real as I believe it is.
Glimpses of a future with Chelsi race through my mind. Holding hands while walking in downtown Nashville. Grocery shopping. Lazy Sundays on the couch, binge-watching movies. All of the mundane events that make up your actual life.
The moments I’d love to have someone by my side for.
A loud crash near the stage pulls me out of my daydream. It’s probably for the best. No use in wasting time on things that could never be.
Even if I have Jake’s blessing, I can’t risk the career I’ve built and the few friendships I have on a chance with a woman I don’t deserve.
My life is too chaotic and unpredictable for a long-term relationship.
Not to mention the considerable baggage I’d bring to the table.
I can’t force that burden on anyone else.
This is why I’ve stayed single for the past two decades. Why I haven’t attempted to date anyone. Why I’ve kept my heart closed off for my entire adult life.
Until she walked into it.
Now my heart is warring with my mind, and I’m not sure which one will win.