28. Alex
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
alex
How is this my life? Sitting beside this gorgeous, charming, smart, and incredibly funny woman, listening to her tell me about her life in Chicago, how excited she is to intern at Addison’s company, and why she’s nervous about making a fresh start in Nashville.
I should be completely exhausted after working nonstop for the past two days, but all I feel is exhilarated.
Hopeful for the first time in almost two decades—maybe forever. And it’s all because of her.
“What was your childhood like?” Chelsi asks, rubbing circles on my hand with her thumb.
I grimace, pulling on the back of my neck with my other hand, unsure of how to explain what an absolutely shitty life I had growing up. Especially when everything I’ve heard about her upbringing is the polar opposite.
Her parents have been nothing but supportive in everything she’s done. Always rooting for her, even when they would’ve chosen a different path for her. The epitome of what good parenting is supposed to look like.
Then there’s my situation. My parents couldn’t hold down a job long enough to put food on the table. Chose to spend their money on drugs rather than rent. Left me alone countless times until child protective services got involved.
Chelsi’s face softens, and she squeezes my hand. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I can pick another subject.”
I shake my head, knowing I need to tell her about my life. I want her to see the real me. The good. The bad. The ugly. All of it.
I pray none of it scares her away.
After expelling a deep breath, I close my eyes for a second before opening them and meeting her gaze. All the anxiety building within me slowly starts to dissipate until it’s a mere simmer, not completely gone, but quiet enough that it’s no longer invading my thoughts.
“I lived with my parents until I was about five. Although kids aren’t supposed to have a good memory at that age, I remember more than I’d like.
” I pause, squeezing my eyes shut as I try to force the vivid images of being left alone for days and crying due to starvation.
“They didn’t want to have a kid. They’d rather have spent their time getting high on whatever drugs they could afford.
There was always an influx of people coming and going from our dirty apartment.
Many nights, I went to bed hungry. Days when I’d be left alone, not sure whether anyone was ever coming back to get me. ”
Chelsi’s hand flies to her mouth. “Oh my God, Alex. I had no idea.”
I shrug. “Not many people know. I’ve told Jake and Zac some of it over the years, but not everything.”
She scoots closer to me and leans her head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry you went through all of that. You deserved so much better.”
A tremble courses through me, her words unlocking the hidden pain I’ve kept buried for years. Hurt I never planned to deal with, never wanted to deal with. Somehow, having Chelsi next to me and hearing this story allows it to bubble to the surface.
Tears form in the corner of my eyes as I try to blink them away.
“I don’t remember exactly how many days they left me alone the final time, but it was long enough that one of the neighbors called the police after hearing me scream for hours.
When the social worker came, I was so dehydrated and malnourished that I couldn’t walk.
I spent a couple of weeks in the hospital before I was shipped off to my first foster home.
After that, it was a myriad of different foster families every few months, never staying in one long enough to think of it as a home. ”
Chelsi wraps her arm around me, pulling me even closer to her, causing my goddamn heart to skip a beat. I catch a whiff of her hair, her intoxicating vanilla-and-floral scent overwhelms my senses, enveloping me in a cocoon of protection and tenderness, making me want to bare my entire soul to her.
Wiping away a stray tear, I force myself to continue, “Joining the Marine Corps seemed like my best chance to get out of that town. Leave my old life behind. Get a fresh start where no one knew me.”
Or at least that was the plan. Things didn’t quite turn out that way.
I sigh, resting my head onto hers. “And now I’m here. With you.”
“Do you know I’ve never stayed up all night with a man to just talk? They’ve always… I’ve always… It’s all gotten physical. No one really wanted to get to know me until you.”
I tilt her chin up with my finger, locking eyes with her. “I’m desperate to know everything about you, Chelsi. Every. Single. Fucking. Thing.”
She shivers as her breathing becomes slightly ragged. “The things you say…they make me feel things I don’t understand.”
I nod in agreement. There’s a hold this woman has over me that can’t be explained. Like we’re connected in a way that’s otherworldly.
Is this what it feels like to meet your soulmate?
The possibility sends me soaring and crashing moments later, contemplating how a relationship would work.
My lifestyle isn’t for everyone. There are aspects of my past that still haunt me.
Things I’ll need to share with her eventually.
Previous decisions that mimic storm clouds constantly following me around.
The smart option would be to spend the next few days talking to her, then let her go. Allow her to find someone worthy of the love I have no doubt she can give. But I’m a selfish bastard who can’t stomach seeing her with anyone else.
“You should get some sleep,” Chelsi murmurs, nuzzling her head against me. “It’s really late. I imagine you have an early start time tomorrow.”
“You’re not wrong. I’m usually the first one up and out the door when we arrive at the next city.”
“I can hang out back here while you sleep in your bunk. I’m sure there’s a blanket I can use somewhere.” She sits up, glancing around the lounge area.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay up all night talking to you if that’s what you want. Sit here in dead silence if you want to sleep. Don’t care what I have to do as long as you’re next to me.”
Her breath hitches, and she leans forward, almost brushing her lips against mine.
“Fuck, Chelsi. I want nothing more than to kiss you. I’ve dreamed about what it would feel like to have your lips pressed to mine.” I cup her face, staring deep into her eyes. “But our first kiss can’t happen in the back of this bus. You deserve so much better than that.”
Her mouth parts slightly as she licks her bottom lip.
“You’re killing me, gorgeous,” I groan, regretting the rules I’ve set for myself when it comes to her.
“So, you’re not going to kiss me?” she asks, looking at me with so much goddamn lust in her eyes.
I shake my head. “Not tonight. Not tomorrow, either. Or the next night. Not when we’re on tour.”
“Oh, I see.” Her muscles tense as she pulls away from me, scooting a few inches back until we’re no longer touching.
Fuck. She’s getting the wrong idea. I have to fix this.
“Let me explain. I want our first kiss to be memorable. One that is seared into your brain, eclipsing all other kisses.” I reach for her, rubbing my thumb along her inner wrist. “If we’re doing this, I want nothing more than our first kiss to be the last first kiss you ever have.”
“Alex…you can’t possibly mean that.”
“I do. I’m not looking for a fling or someone to date casually. Ask anyone, that’s not my style. I swore to myself if I was ever lucky enough to have a chance with you, I’d play for keeps. Because, Chelsi, you’re the definition of a keeper.”
“God, I want to kiss you,” Chelsi moans, covering her face with both hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kiss someone as badly as I want to kiss you right now.”
I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand, eliciting goosebumps along her arms. “Me, too. It’ll happen soon. Let me take you on an official date when we get back in town.”
“I’d like that,” she whispers, her body trembling.
A huge grin splits my face as I pull her close once again. “How about we get some sleep? I’d love nothing more than to hold you in my arms tonight.”
“That sounds like heaven.” She pauses, blinking away what might be tears. “Is this really happening?”
“Yes, gorgeous. If I have anything to say about it, this is only the beginning.”