Chapter 20
Twenty
Deja
When I get to my locker, Shelby is waiting for me, looking really nervous.
“Hey,” I say, cheerily, not exactly oblivious to her mood, but too hyped to mirror it.
Usually, Shelby’s the kind of person who would put aside her concerns to ask me what’s making me happy, but this morning she’s too preoccupied.
She tugs at my sleeve and asks in a low voice, “Did you get my text?”
I shake my head. Based on her tortured facial expression, I surmise that she wants me to look at it now. I didn’t even think to check my messages this morning like I usually do. I honestly didn’t care what was going on with other people.
I see it:
SHELBY: Can you go to PP with me after school?
“What happened?” I ask her, growing concerned.
“I have an appointment,” she whispers, “but I got scared to go by myself. Can you please?”
“What’s the appointment for? Did something bad happen?”
“No,” she says, her voice barely audible “I just need to get checked and start birth control.”
I feel a little queasy. Until that moment I hadn’t even thought about birth control. The last thing Brandon and I need is to get pregnant. Can you imagine me explaining to my parents that the “troubled kid” they let move in with us got me pregnant?
“How did you make the appointment?” I ask.
“Online. Why?”
“I need to make one, too. What time is yours?”
She tells me the location and time and I navigate to the website on my phone. The bell rings and she heads off to class, thanking me one more time. There are way too many screens, but finally I get to the page where I can choose a slot.
“Ms. Marcus,” a stern voice says, “please proceed to class.” It’s one of the vice-principals, a woman in her fifties who always gives me the impression of being someone who would have fit in back in the days when teachers used to hit kids.
I conceal my phone behind my books and close my locker, giving her an apologetic smile.
She nods, satisfied, as I rush down the hall towards my next class.
Once I’m sure she can’t see me, I pause long enough to confirm the appointment.
I feel a slight sense of relief, but I’ll be much better once I’ve been to the clinic.
I race over to the library as soon as the bell rings and start running up the stairs before my body reminds me to take it easy.
It’s already a lot better than it was this morning, though.
I get to the last study room at the end of the Classics row and Brandon opens the door like he was standing right there watching for me.
As soon as I’m inside he traps me against the wall and kisses me like we’ve been apart for a century.
I melt into Brandon’s kiss, momentarily forgetting everything else.
His hands slide down my sides and grip my hips, pressing me harder against the wall.
A familiar heat pools in my core as his tongue explores my mouth.
Our breaths mingle, hot and urgent, my heart pounding with excitement.
His erection is thick against my hip. I feel an answering pulse between my legs.
He captures my wrists, holding them at my sides while he kisses my neck and grinds into me.
“I want you so much,” he whispers, his voice raspy. “This is insane.”
I look at his flushed face, and I can only agree with him.
Sex has changed things between us, made it more intense and our desire for each other more difficult to resist. It’s hard to remember that we’re basically in a public place with a viewing window, when all I want to do is feel him inside me again.
I tug on my wrists, and he lets me go, raking his hand through his hair and pacing to the far wall and back.
I sit at the table, and after a moment, so does he.
He licks his lips, adjusting himself. His laptop is open, a detail I hadn’t noticed until now.
“I’ll meet you at your car as soon as school is out,” he says, his knee bouncing.
“I can’t. I have to go to the clinic.”
“No!”
“We didn’t use protection last night.” I voice is colored with chagrin.
Brandon buries his face in his hands and groans. “How could I forget about that? I have condoms like three feet from where we had sex. I’m sorry. I don’t know where my brain was.”
“Why do you have condoms?” I cross my arms below my breasts.
“Because I figured, or more like I hoped we’d have sex soon. I wanted to be prepared.”
“So it’s not because there’s, like…” I can’t finish the sentence.
Why would I expect him to not have sex with other people?
We’ve never had that conversation and he’s made me no promises.
He’s a horny teenager and an athlete, not to mention hot.
Those blue eyes alone are panty melters, and that’s before you take in his lips and that sinful black hair.
There are probably a dozen girls in his phone he can call for sex whenever he wants.
“There’s no one else,” he says, “not since the first time I touched you.”
“What about Mackenzie?”
“That was me being a dick. I needed a tutor, and I knew you told her to stay away from me. I wanted to make you mad. But nothing ever happened between us. We never even kissed.”
“For real?”
“For real. And can you call me after you’re done at the clinic? Let me know how it went?”
“I can text,” I offer. I don’t know if Shelby and I will be carpooling, and I don’t want him to know that she’s going with me. It’s a pretty private thing, and Shelby and Brandon aren’t friends. “So just for the record, can we agree no other people.”
“No other people,” he confirmed. “We are officially exclusive.”
“Cool.” I glance at my watch and note that we’ve used up a lot of our time without talking about what we're supposed to be talking about.
“Can I borrow your laptop?” I ask, and he nods.
I position the screen so that we can both see it. A search for St. Joseph’s College brings up an institution in Indiana. Like my mom said, it’s no longer accredited, but I know immediately that she’s lying about my dad going there.
“My dad didn’t go here,” I tell Brandon. “She lied.”
“How…?”
“She and my dad used to visit each other regularly when they were in college. She told me she practically lived in his dorm room on weekends. But this place is what? Six, eight hours from where she went to school. That doesn’t make any sense.”
Brandon leans in, scanning the St. Joseph’s College website. “Yeah, you’re right. That doesn’t add up at all. Could she have mixed up the names or the locations?”
“I don’t see how? She spent a ton of time there. There’s no way she’d get the name wrong, and she drove there all the time.” I gesture at the screen. “This place is in a whole different state. But this is all guesswork. I can’t confront her if I’m not sure.”
“Why don’t we just call McCrystal and ask if he went there?”
“Will they just tell me?”
“It can’t hurt to ask.”
I speak to a very nice older woman in the registrar’s office. It doesn’t take long to confirm my dad went to McCrystal for a period that coincides with Devin’s sophomore and junior years.
It’s dark when I get home after getting an IUD inserted and driving Shelby home.
I don’t pry, but she’s already had sex with Gio, and my sense is that he’s pressuring her to let him stop using condoms. I want to ask her more questions, because I’m concerned by how fast they’re moving.
My gut says Shelby is going to end up regretting giving her virginity to Gio.
But I keep my mouth shut because Shelby isn’t prying into who I’m having sex with, and I appreciate that.
My steps are heavy as I enter the house.
My backpack feels like its weight has doubled and my uterus is cramping.
Everything from my bellybutton down hurts.
They said I might have discomfort for the next day or two, but this is much worse than I expected.
At least it’s dampened my libido, because if I was as horny now as I was this morning, I’d be pissed at not getting to spend the afternoon with Brandon.
I’m also exhausted. I think the lack of sleep last night is catching up with me.
I shuffle over to the sofa in the family room and flop on my back, dropping my bookbag on the floor.
It’s been a long time since I’ve so completely ignored my planner.
I’m supposed to be working on a paper and doing something else, though I can’t remember what.
The sound of pans banging in the kitchen stops and my mother’s face appears over the back of the sofa.
“Are you okay, honey?”
“I have a headache, and my stomach hurts.”
“I was expecting you home over an hour ago.”
I sigh. “I had to help Shelby with something. I lost track of time.”
“Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”
“I’m not really hungry. I’m just going to lie here, okay.”
“Okay.” She sounds uncertain, but I hear her steps as she retreats, and my eyes drift closed.
Many hours later, I wake up in the darkened family room.
Someone, probably my mom, repositioned me and got me a pillow and a blanket.
I feel slightly better, but I could still use a painkiller.
I’m not sure what time it is, but from what I can see all the lights are off, so probably close to midnight.
I get up and climb the stairs slowly. In addition to the cramping I feel wetness.
I hope nothing leaked through. I go straight through to the bathroom without turning on the lights in my bedroom, pop some pills and take a warm shower.
I feel a lot better once I’m clean, diapered and pajamaed.
Yes, I call pads diapers because they feel like what I imagine a diaper feels like.
I usually wear tampons, but the clinic said I have to wait 24 hours to use one.
Now that I’m feeling a bit more human, I need to catch up on my task list. I’m grateful to see my backpack is on my desk. I pull out my planner and start organizing but feel a pang of hunger. I haven’t had anything to eat since lunch. I should go see what we have for leftovers.
When I leave my room, I notice light leaking under the door of Devin’s office. I wasn’t expecting anybody to be up, but I should say hi. We need to talk about my college applications, anyway. I wonder what he’s doing up so late. The doors to the master suite are closed, so my mom’s already asleep.
“Hey,” I say, poking my head in with a smile. Brandon, behind the desk, nearly jumps out of his seat. I’m momentarily confused.
“What are you doing in here?”