Chapter 25 #3
“From Brandon’s room,” my mother says, aggressively. “I can see you didn’t know about it.”
“Is this really yours, Brandon?” I ask, hoping he’ll tell me it’s a mistake or a setup, but looks away, his face turning red.
“Of course it’s his,” Devin says. “Didn’t he tell you he got sent to juvie for possession with intent while he was seducing you?”
“No! That’s not true.” But Brandon has never said anything to me about juvie, except to taunt me.
I’m not even sure I really believed he’d been.
Devin had said Brandon had gotten into some trouble and I’d told my friends he just got out of juvie because I was mad at him.
I’d never honestly believed he’d committed a crime.
“Are you going to be a man and tell her?” Devin says.
Brandon runs his hands through his hair, pacing in a tight circle. He looks at me pleadingly.
“I haven’t lied to you,” he says. “This isn’t…it’s not…”
“Is this why Rourke is friends with you? Are you selling him drugs? Are you dealing drugs to his friends?”
Devin may be an amazing liar, but Brandon isn’t.
Or maybe, even though I haven’t known him long, I know him better, because I can tell right away that I’ve hit on the truth.
It puts “our room” at Rourke’s mansion in a whole new light.
Brandon’s a perk for Rourke and his degenerate friends.
How must he think of me, knowing I’m the drug dealer’s girl.
“Brandon,” Devin says, “when you asked to move in with us it was on the condition that you would stay out of trouble, and I was explicit that meant no drug dealing.”
“You searched my room. That’s an invasion of privacy.”
“You came in here this morning reeking off marijuana. Deja has never touched drugs or even broken curfew and now she’s staying out all night, smoking marijuana, having sex.”
Brandon scoffs, and I shoot him a warning look.
I can see that he’s tempted to out me to them, tell them about my previous drug use, but he just laughs bitterly.
I get what he’s not saying out loud, though, that I’m not the goody two shoes I’ve snookered them into thinking I am, but he can’t be suggesting I’m no better than he is.
I’ve never been arrested and the hardest drug I’ve ever used is molly, and that was only once.
There is coke on my bed. Brandon sells coke, probably uses it as well.
What if it’s worse than that? Meth? Heroin? I just let him come inside me.
I hug myself tightly, a feeling of betrayal rocking me. I’m sick to my stomach. I gave him my virginity and my trust, but he isn’t worthy of them.
“Deja,” he says, coming towards me and I flinch away from him, going to stand with my mom. He looks so hurt I almost think I’m misjudging him. He really cares about me.
“You can stay here tonight,” Devin says, “but you need to find somewhere else to go tomorrow. We can no longer have you under our roof.”
Devin moves to pack the drugs up, but Brandon shoves him out of the way, scooping items into the case as fast as he can.
“What are you doing?”
“This is my shit, Devin. Don’t worry, I’ll leave tonight, but I’m taking this with me.”
“I cannot allow—“
“You cannot stop me, you mean,” Brandon says. “I can bench two-seventy. Can you?”
They glare at each other. They’re around the same height, but Brandon is visibly more muscular. And the sneer he’s wearing right now, he looks like he’d be only too happy to deck his guardian. I feel like I’m looking at a stranger. I know he hates Devin, but to threaten to hurt him?
“Whatever,” Devin says. He stands back while Brandon packs up the drugs and closes the case.
He looks at me sheepishly as he retrieves his books and calculator.
I’m a little surprised he’s taking them, TBH.
He tries to snag my hand one last time before he leaves, but I pull it back, avoiding meeting his eyes.
When he’s gone, I collapse onto the bed, a hollow feeling in my chest. My mother’s arm enfolds me, pulling me into her baby powder scented body. She strokes my back, soothingly.
“When I asked you about sex with Jayden, I guess I was looking in the wrong place, huh?” She’s trying to lighten the mood and she is able to get a tiny smile out of me. “How long have the two of you been having sex.”
“Just a few days,” I say softly.
“Is that why you fell asleep at Rourke’s last night?”
I nod.
“And the two of you couldn’t wait more than a day to do it again?”
“I didn't expect sex to be so…addictive,” I say. “I feel so stupid.”
“Brandon’s your first?” I nod. “I’m sorry, honey. It must hurt to realize you chose the wrong person to be with. You’re eighteen, so I’m not going to talk to you as if you’re a child. You screwed up, and I hope you learn from this. The right guy is out there, and he’ll be worth the wait.”
I think about last night, the wholeness I’d felt, the way Brandon looked at me with adoration. I can’t imagine that with some other guy.
“Were you safe?”
I shrug. We were half the time. Tonight is borderline because the effectiveness of my birth control may or may not have kicked in yet.
I shake myself and stand up.
“I need to finish my reading assignment.”
“Deja?!”
“You know me, Mommy,” I say. “Routine calms me. I’m going to read and focus on school and forget that boy ever existed.”
She argues for a bit, but eventually I get her to leave. But I don’t study—the hollow feeling inside won’t let me focus. Too upset to study, I lie on my bed and let the tears fall.