13. Bullies
13
BULLIES
F ebruary had announced its arrival with a thin layer of snow.
The not-so-friendly game between Colette International B.S. and the American Assholes of Paris was fast approaching. That morning, some, like Charles-Henry, had tried their best to have practice canceled because of the weather, but they were prevented by Eric. Mathias’s friend—who preferred wearing shorts to anything else—stood proudly outside the changing rooms with his legs bare and his hands on his hips, and he let the whole team know a bit of snow would never be enough to stop them. That was enough for him to earn himself a reprimand from Kayvin, who reminded everyone for the thousandth time he was their captain, not Eric.
Mathias had discovered Kayvin’s moods were actually easy to read. He was always unpleasant—whoever was at once sexist, racist, and homophobic even deserved to be called worse, honestly—but lately, his tantrums were related to how well or how poorly his new girlfriend Gwen, Xavier’s cousin, was treating him. When adding the fact that he hated losing, he spent a whole lot of time yelling at his teammates. His favorite victims were usually Xavier, who always guffawed no matter how much abuse was hurled at him, and Eric, whose ongoing contract with the *** now apparently forbade him even to take notice of Kayvin.
Today, Eric was out of control. Everyone was struggling against the cold, whereas he was singing to himself while adjusting his woolen gloves, oblivious to their misery.
“Everyone’s clattering their teeth out here,” Mathias said, suspicious. “How come you’re so warm?”
“Simple.” Eric winked. “I’m in love!”
Mathias rolled his eyes. “Oh, Christ.”
“What?”
“See?” He showed him his hands. “I’m not shaking either.”
“Right, right…” Eric shrugged. “It’s just that I had my special date with Zak last night.”
“Your date…? Oh. I remember. So, how did it go?”
“It was great! No, it was awesome .”
“No balls, then?”
“ Hmmm , yes.” Eric nudged him with his elbow. “There were balls. There were?—”
Mathias covered his ears. “No, I don’t want to hear it?—”
“Ice cream balls!”
Eric erupted in laughter then, loud enough to reach Kayvin’s ears, who immediately started blowing into his stupid whistle.
“I hate you,” Mathias muttered, wanting to shove Kayvin’s whistle into a certain place and pushing his hands into his pockets instead.
Eric snorted. “No, you don’t.”
“I do, I swear. Piss off.”
“Wait! I haven’t told you about my date yet.”
But then, Eric abruptly stopped laughing. Mathias turned around and saw the way Kayvin was glaring at them. There was pure, unfiltered cruelty in his eyes, just like when he humiliated Alberto the other day. Mathias instinctively stepped in front of Eric. He knew Kayvin hated him just the same, but was still on the fence whether to get physical with him. Mathias, who was desperate to get physical even on a good day, dared him to start trouble with a sharp look.
While Kayvin took next week’s game seriously because he hated defeat, and Eric because he simply couldn’t lose or it would look bad on his record—and in front of Zak—Mathias felt differently. He would do his job on the day because he’d never embarrass his other teammates, nor would he do anything to harm his best friend. Another reason, which he wouldn’t admit to, is that he, too, hated losing. But as it turned out, watching Kayvin turn purple with rage every time he missed a save during practice had become his favorite pastime .
What else was there for him? Since Zak had given it up, Eric barely had a second to spare Mathias. He pretended he had to spend every possible moment “talking to” Zak before his transfer, but Mathias called bullshit. He knew what it was, not to be able to control oneself. How could he not?
After Mathias had received confirmation he’d passed his mock exams, all he had to distract himself from his problems were boxing and the entrance examination for his chosen culinary school that was scheduled at the end of the month. An insignificant football game wasn’t enough to do the trick. He had to throw himself into his craft or into boxing practice like a desperate man, or risk remembering that awful night again, and the loss that ensued.
Meanwhile, the unshakable Alberto had already moved on. Despite Mathias knowing it was all for the best, it didn’t change the way he felt about it: a little vexed, and a little hurt, maybe. Mathias should have taken comfort from the fact that he was Alberto’s favorite lover for a time. His best fuck . But he couldn’t take comfort from anything anymore, except one thing: they had never been good for each other, and he’d always known that.
Now, Mathias didn’t have to worry about the things that used to keep him awake, such as Eric finding out, or the slow return of his recurring nightmare, the long white corridor… He didn’t have to live in fear any longer… Mathias even knew what he had wanted to ask Alberto wouldn’t have gotten him the answer he desired. Maybe Alberto wasn’t capable of love. Now, Mathias could only imagine why, and he’d rather punch himself repeatedly in the face than risk opening that door again.
When Alberto’s mother had shown up yesterday, Mathias felt like he had jumped into a precipice, certain that she would single him out. But she barely registered him, a clear sign Alberto had never mentioned him. And why would he have done such a thing? He’d never had a reason to.
As to why Eric helped Alberto yesterday, so promptly declaring himself the one who slept over at the mansion, Mathias was burning to ask, but he was afraid his curiosity would betray him. If he was patient enough, he might just hear it from Zak later; Xavier was having a party on Friday night, and Mathias had planned to use this opportunity to discover the truth. Zak was known to be very chatty after a beer or two.
Between the hostile weather and Kayvin’s dictatorship, practice that day was a bleak affair. The team returned to the changing room shaking from head to toe, taking refuge in the showers .
Eric wouldn’t admit defeat. As they were getting dressed, he started enumerating the benefits of exercising in the snow to inspire his teammates to look on the bright side, but all he got for his trouble was a loud “Shut up!” from his captain.
“When’s he going to shut up?” Mathias asked through gritted teeth.
“Leave it.” Eric shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”
The players returned to school in small groups. Kayvin walked ahead with Steph, Charles-Henry, and Xavier, while Mathias trailed behind with Eric, forced to listen to his detailed retelling of his date with Zak.
“After the starters, I wasn’t sure how to make his favorite food, but it turns out Zak is really into instant ramen? Which is kind of adorable, if you think about it, because... Hey! Are you listening? How else are you going to learn to be a proper boyfriend?”
Mathias slid him a cold glance while holding the gate open for him. “Excuse me, who gave you the relationship expert mandate?”
“Well… I’m in a happy relationship, and you are…”
“Go on.” Mathias quirked an eyebrow. “I’m what?”
“All alone, despite being… you know… super sexy?” Eric grinned sheepishly. “Listen, I’m not saying your mood swings have anything to do with it, but I know at least two girls who have a crush on you, and you?—”
“Nope. Not interested.”
“In them ? Or in this conversation?” Eric asked eagerly, not even looking where he was going. “Because one of them is really nice, you know, top-notch. A bit like me, but a girl, so really good stuff. Not as good as Zak, but if you just t?—”
Eric didn’t finish that line. He knocked straight into Kayvin, who had made a sudden U-turn.
“For fuck’s sake,” Kayvin said, his mean eyes flashing, “if I have to listen to another word coming out of your mouth…”
Eric, who was all grins and giggles a second ago, transformed right before Mathias’s eyes. “Good thing I wasn’t talking to you, then,” he said coldly. To Mathias’s surprise, he surreptitiously stepped back and moved in front of him.
Kayvin ignored Xavier and Steph’s pleas to drop it and get inside and pressed on Eric instead. “Everyone can hear you, you know that, right? Zak, Zak, Zak, Zak, Zak ! Do you ever talk about anything else? I can’t stand it anymore! The only times you’re not blabbing on about him are the times you’re parading yourselves together throughout the school like freaks!”
Eric met his rant with a defiant laugh. “If it bothers you so much, why don’t you do something about it?”
“Trust me, I would have already, if it wasn’t for the bulldog at your side.”
“The what?” Eric went from badass to dumbfounded in less than a second. “Bulldog?” He glanced up at the one standing behind him. “You mean Matt? Come on, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“Nope,” Mathias said, “I would definitely hurt him.”
“Such a good pal!” Kayvin sniggered. “How does it feel to be friends with a pervert?”
“Hey!” Eric angrily pointed his finger at him. “Matt’s not a pervert!”
“I was talking about you !” Kayvin went into a crazed fit of laughter. “You disgust me,” he said, his eyes red and glistening. “For years… for years I’ve allowed you to be around me… not knowing…” His voice started trembling. “I keep thinking of all the times we were together… I trusted you, while you… you must have really enjoyed yourself all this time, having those disgusting thoughts about me, about all of us! It turns my stomach just to think of it.”
Eric stared at Kayvin without moving. He had been listening calmly the whole time and with no attempt to interrupt, despite the hurt visible in his eyes. Mathias didn’t know what to do, but he noticed his hands had freed themselves from his pockets on their own.
Kayvin met Eric’s eyes, and they locked themselves in a brief staring contest, until the latter gave in and looked away to the side. Kayvin snickered, his expression clearing. All he ever wanted was to watch Eric submit. Now that he got his heart’s desire, he turned his back to them, grinning from ear to ear.
Eric started off toward the main building, then stopped, his shoulders slumping. Mathias could only stare at the expression on his friend’s face helplessly. Alberto had told him once: one day, Eric’s light would get snuffed out. Mathias wouldn’t let that happen to him. Never, and especially not because of Kayvin. One of these days, Kayvin would have to be dealt with. Mathias had been hiding for too long, standing back while others got hurt, shaming his mother once again. He strangely recalled the pictures of Alberto down in the basement, and his chest tightened .
After a moment of silence, he finally extended a hand and gently put it on Eric’s shoulder, who glanced at him, managing a smile.
“Can you believe we used to be best friends?” He let out a laugh, but it was joyless and small.
Mathias set aside his unease and patted him on the back. “I can’t— Ah!” Encouraged by his gesture, Eric had pulled him into a hug. Mathias froze, momentarily speechless.
“Now, you’re my best friend,” Eric whispered. He tightened his grip around him. “Thank you.”
Mathias tried to ignore the looks they were getting and tentatively hugged back, embarrassed. “Okay.”
“You’re my guy.”
“All right, all right. Back off, now.”
Eric released him but didn’t break eye contact. “I’d do anything for you.”
“Oh, really?” Mathias laughed awkwardly.
“Of course! I love you!”
Eric’s eyes were a bit too eager for Mathias’s liking. He wanted to retort with a joke, but he found there was a boulder stuck in his throat. Eric gave him a warm smile.
“There’s nothing you could do that would make me think less of you, you know that, right?”
Suddenly feeling overheated, Mathias jumped to the side and landed straight into someone. To his dismay, it was yet again Kayvin, who was heading back toward the building.
“Careful!” Kayvin was still smirking from his empty victory over Eric. His brows rose to his hairline when he saw Mathias’s face. “What’s wrong with you? You look like you’re about to shit your pants like Alberto the other d?—”
Mathias moved fast, so fast, Kayvin lost balance and ended up ass down on the concrete. Mathias grabbed him by the front of his pastel sweater. “Do you—No, don’t move, you’re fine where you are. Do you ever shut the fuck up? I’m so tired of your constant yapping, that useless background noise… I’m asking you, do you ever shut up?”
Kayvin was so surprised, he didn’t even have time to pretend not to be scared. “What the hell is wrong with you, man?” He threw a helpless look at Xavier, who lowered his eyes.
“What is it? What’s your problem?” Mathias closed his other fist around his sweater and brought them close until Kayvin, his jaw slack, had no choice but to look into his eyes. “You get off on this or something?”
The sound of an air horn being blown to the max suddenly resounded across the schoolyard. Mathias ignored it. “Every day, we all have to make choices, and every day, you make the same decision to be an asshole.” He tightened his grip around him. “The next time you mess with my friend, I’ll do the choosing for you.”
A grip like a vice seized him by the collar of his jacket. Van Bergen yanked him backward, forcing him to let go of Kayvin. “That’s enough, kid.”
Mathias pointed his finger at Kayvin. “There won’t be a warning next time.”
“Hey!” The headmaster shook him, almost lifting him from the ground. “Enough!”
But it was too late. Upon seeing Kayvin’s smirk, Mathias’s anger, frustration, rancor, and guilt engulfed him like wildfire. He whirled around and shoved Van Bergen away with both hands, shouting, “Eat shit!”
The entire schoolyard let out a horrified gasp before falling silent. One look at V.B.’s face was enough for Mathias to realize his mistake. But it was too late now; with an ominous expression, Van Bergen seized Mathias’s neck as if he were a chicken on his way to the slaughter and led him toward the building and his punishment.