Chapter Three Everything Changes #2
I think about all the times he’s been charming and attentive and affectionate with me.
The forehead kisses. The dinner dates. The morning texts.
Were any of them real? Were any of them actually about me?
Or was I just the pathway to something else?
A convenient arrangement that kept him close to the woman he actually wanted.
I think about the résumé he proofread and the interview questions he helped me practice. Did he do those things because he cared about my career or because keeping me happy and grateful made me easier to manage?
The anger comes slowly. It doesn’t hit me all at once.
It starts somewhere low in my stomach and it builds, rising through my body until my jaw tightens and my free hand curls into a fist against the bench.
But I don’t let it take over. I’ve never been someone who reacts first and thinks later.
That’s not who I am and it’s not who I’m going to become just because a man decided I wasn’t worth his honesty.
I sit on that bench and I let the full picture settle.
Travis has been texting and calling my best friend behind my back.
He’s been pursuing her while coming home to me.
He’s been telling me he loves me while asking another woman to dinner.
And he’s been doing all of it because he thinks I’m too trusting and too na?ve and too kind to ever figure it out.
He’s wrong.
I take a breath. A real one. Slow and deliberate.
"Kendra."
"Yeah?"
"Don’t block him yet."
She looks at me, confused. "What?"
"Don’t block his number. Don’t respond to his messages. Don’t answer his calls. But don’t delete anything and don’t block him. I need everything you have."
"Why?"
"Because I’m not going to confront him right now."
Her confusion deepens. "Kaitlyn, what are you going to do?"
"I’m going to think about it. I need time."
"You’re not going to break up with him?"
"Not yet."
She stares at me. I can see the questions piling up behind her eyes.
She wants to understand and she wants to help and she wants me to scream or cry or throw something because that’s what anyone would expect.
But I’m not going to do any of those things.
Not because I’m not hurt. I am hurt. I’m devastated.
But devastation doesn’t have to be the whole story.
"Just trust me," I say. "Please."
"I trust you. I’ve always trusted you." She squeezes my hand. "But Kaitlyn, please be careful. Whatever you’re thinking, please be careful."
"I will."
We walk back to the bank together. She hugs me in the parking lot and I hold her tight for a long time. She pulls back and looks at my face and I can tell she’s searching for signs that I’m about to fall apart. She doesn’t find any.
"Call me tonight?" she says.
"I will."
She drives away and I stand in the parking lot alone.
The afternoon sun is bright and the asphalt is warm under my shoes.
Inside the bank, Travis is probably back at his desk.
He’s probably checking his email or reviewing a loan application or chatting with Ben about their weekend plans.
He has no idea that I know. He has no idea that the woman he underestimated just became the most dangerous person in his life.
I walk back inside. Melissa asks if I had a nice lunch.
I tell her I did. Becky asks if I’m feeling okay because I look a little pale.
I tell her I skipped breakfast and I’m fine now.
I go back to my station and I help customers for the rest of the afternoon and I smile at every single one of them because that’s my job and I’m good at my job and no man is going to change that.
Travis stops by my station at four o’clock. "Hey, you disappeared at lunch. Everything okay?"
"I went to eat with Kendra. She brought sandwiches."
"Nice. How’s she doing?"
I look at him. I look at his clean-shaven face and his pressed shirt and his easy smile and I search for something different. Some sign of guilt. Some crack in the polish. I don’t find one.
"She’s great," I say. "Same as always."
"Good. She seems like a really great person." He taps the counter twice with his knuckles. "I’ve got some paperwork to finish but I’ll call you tonight, okay?"
"Sounds good."
He walks away. I watch him go and I feel something shift inside me. Not rage. Not sadness. Something colder and more deliberate. Something that feels like clarity.
I drive home that evening and sit in my apartment in the dark for a long time.
I don’t turn on the television. I don’t make dinner.
I sit on the couch with my phone in my hand and I scroll through my own text history with Travis.
All the good mornings. All the goodnights.
All the "thinking about you" messages that I thought were just for me.
I wonder how many of those messages he sent me right before or right after sending one to Kendra.
My phone rings at nine. Travis.
"Hey, beautiful."
"Hey." My voice sounds normal. I make sure of it.
"Long day?"
"A little. But it’s Friday so I can’t complain."
We talk for fifteen minutes. He tells me about his meeting with Linda. He asks about my weekend plans. He says he’s thinking about cooking dinner for me Sunday night. I say that sounds wonderful. He says goodnight and I say goodnight and he hangs up and I sit in the silence of my empty apartment.
He’s been using me. The whole time. Maybe not from the very first date, but at some point along the way I stopped being his girlfriend and started being his access point.
I’m the reason he sees Kendra every Friday.
I’m the reason he has her phone number. I’m the reason he knows enough about her life to tailor his approach.
He used me to get to her. And he genuinely believes I’ll never find out.
I set my phone down on the coffee table.
I look at the ceiling. I think about everything he’s done for me over the past year.
The dinners. The encouragement. The résumé help.
The practiced interview answers. All of it was real in the sense that it happened, but none of it was real in the way I thought it was.
He wasn’t investing in our future. He was maintaining a cover story.
So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to keep pretending. I’m going to smile and kiss him and tell him about my day and let him think he’s getting away with it. And while he’s congratulating himself on being clever, I’m going to use every single advantage this relationship gives me.
He helped me with my résumé? Good. I’m going to get that promotion.
He has connections at the bank? Good. I’m going to use them.
He has information about the people in this town? Good. I’m going to listen.
And when I’ve gotten everything I need, I’m going to walk away from him on my terms, with my head up, and leave him with nothing.
If he’s been using me this whole time, then I’m going to use him back first.