10 #2
‘It’s a common misconception. Deserts don’t have to be hot, but which one is it?’
I look back towards Rory and watch his lips as they sound out one word.
‘It’s Antarctica,’ I whisper to the girls, and Tilly arches a brow.
‘Since when do you know anything about polar deserts, or geography in general, little miss “I thought Dutch people were from Denmark”?’
I kick her under the table for bringing that up whilst Meghan stares at me in horror.
‘I never thought that.’
I definitely did. Meghan’s downturned lips look unconvinced.
‘I have a good feeling, trust me on this one.’
We make it through the rest of the round with the boys only trying to cheat four times by not-so-subtly trying to copy our answers. We swap with them for marking and every correct answer that the announcer reads elicits a whoop from us and a groan from the boys. And then we get to question seven.
‘So, I think a lot of you are going to get this one wrong, because the largest desert in the world is not in fact the Sahara,’ she says, and we can immediately draw a cross against the boys’ answer.
‘It’s actually a polar desert. The correct answer is… the Antarctic desert.’
‘Yes! Go on, Lottie!’ Tilly shouts, tipping her drink towards me to cheers.
I knock my glass against hers before shifting to look over my shoulder at where Rory is still standing. I raise my glass in his direction, and he does a faux bow back at me. I giggle as I take a sip, then quickly turn back towards the table and once again, Adam is glaring at me.
‘You okay there?’ I ask, even though I know by his scowl that the answer is clearly no. He huffs in response and takes an extra-long sip of his beer.
‘I’m fine. Only curious as to why you’re acting like you know that guy over there.’
‘He’s our ski instructor,’ I say back, trying to dispel the tension that’s become palpable between our two tables. The others pretend to focus intently on marking and totalling the answers from round one, but I know they’re all listening in. Ready to step in if needed.
‘Then why did he buy you a drink and has proceeded to stare at you for the last half an hour?’
‘Jeez, cool off, big guy, she told you nothing’s going on,’ Tilly jumps in to back me up and I give her hand a grateful squeeze under the table.
‘Right, okay then,’ he huffs again, downing the rest of his drink before scanning the bar.
He pushes off from his stool and now no one’s hiding the fact they’re paying attention to the interaction between us.
‘If Lottie’s being bought drinks by strangers and everyone’s cool with it, then I’m sure no one will mind me going off for a chat as well. ’
I watch as he walks away from us towards the bar where a group of girls are standing waiting to be served, and I know what’s going to play out before it happens.
As soon as he reaches them, he leans forward, catching their attention and turning on that infuriating charm of his. Within seconds, he’s got his arm around a tall blonde and he’s leaning in to whisper something in her ear. She laughs, and I want to throw up.
‘Lottie, we can go if you want,’ Meghan says, reaching across the table to touch my arm, but I shake my head, plastering on a smile that couldn’t be more fake.
‘No, it’s fine. I… I’m going to go get some air.’
Tilly opens her mouth to say something, but I’m already moving.
‘I’ll only be a second,’ I say, leaping off my stool and heading towards the front door before anyone can offer to come with me.
Adam’s head whips round to track me, and as I pass him his hand brushes mine like he’s trying to stop me.
‘Fuck, Lotts. Wait a second!’
I should keep going, but I turn anyway and make no attempt to hide the hurt from my face. He abandons the bar and strides over to me, hands hanging awkwardly between us like he wants to touch me but doesn’t know if he can. I take another step backwards to settle that debate and his face falls.
‘I’m so sorry, that was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘I do,’ I say, because it’s true.
This isn’t the first time he’s acted out of jealousy. He would think the same thing anytime I mentioned another guy’s name early on in our relationship, or I came home later than expected even though I told him I was only out with the girls.
I thought he’d learnt to trust me, that our relationship wasn’t the same as his parents’. I guess I was wrong.
‘Do you even want to get back together? Or is that all an act?’
He recoils like I’ve punched him in the stomach, but if he doesn’t trust me, he can’t be offended when I don’t trust him either.
‘Of course I want you back.’
He says it like it’s obvious, but the last five minutes have shown me a side to him I try to forget.
I wasn’t lying when I said nothing was happening with Rory.
A few jokes and unfortunate collisions from this morning aside, I don’t have any reason to assume his act of buying me a drink was anything more than a friendly gesture.
Whatever it was, it doesn’t excuse Adam from chatting up another woman less than ten metres away from me. I start to feel sick again as I think about it and all I want is to feel some cold air on my face.
‘I’m going outside. Alone.’
I don’t wait to see if he follows as I head to the door for real this time.
I’m hit with an icy rush as soon as I step outside, but the relief I was hoping for doesn’t come as I pace across the pavement.
This whole situation is bullshit, and I hate that after everything, I still care enough about Adam to have this sort of reaction.
To run out here instead of being able to stay at the table with my friends and ignore it.
Typical Adam. Immature Adam. Adam fucking with my heart even now that we’re over.
I’m outside and I don’t know where I am or where I’m going as I scan the icy street through a haze of stubborn tears that won’t fall and maybe I really am going to throw up and—
‘Hey, are you okay?’
My thoughts stop as soon as I hear his voice.
I realise I’ve walked halfway down the street, and when I turn, Rory’s right there, leaning against a post a few metres away from me. I stop, arms wrapped around my stomach as I try to hold myself together.
‘Totally, just enjoying the weather,’ I say, lifting one hand to the sky, and it’s only then that I realise it’s snowing again.
I stare at the flecks of white that disappear as soon as they touch my skin, and the sight makes everything worse.
Like there are beautiful things here, but whenever I try to reach for them, they disappear.
I wrap both my hands tighter around myself as I come more to my senses and realise the snow has soaked through the thin fabric of my jumper.