Chapter 30
JULES
N ormally, she wasn’t bothered by smells.
But as Jules paced under the harsh fluorescent lights, her nostrils burned from sterile antiseptic.
Hospitals had a way of smelling both absurdly clean and wholly besmirched at the same time.
The chemically clean air just reminded her that people were experiencing the worst ailments of their lives amongst these halls.
High grade cleaner for high grade conditions.
Her steps echoed on the faded, multi-colored tile floors. Green, blue, yellow. She spun on her heels to go back the other way. Yellow, blue, green.
Green, blue, yellow.
“Jules.” Maddie’s voice interrupted her tracking of the flooring. “Want to go to the cafeteria and get a coffee or something? Maybe decaf.”
“No thanks, I’d rather be here when the doctor comes out,” she replied determinedly. She squared her shoulders and tilted her chin up, hoping that appearing with confidence would give her a small slice of it.
On the inside, it felt as if she was crumbling.
Her stomach churned with worry. Her heart ached with memories of the last time she had stepped foot in a hospital.
A few years prior, she’d been in a terrifyingly similar situation.
Pacing in a waiting room to find out if her grandfather had survived his heart attack.
It was the worst day of her life. She still remembered the way the doctor came out to talk to her dad privately while her mom held her tight.
She knew in an instant that he hadn’t survived.
It was written all over the doctor’s face.
Professionally aloof yet compassionate. He wasn’t a man with good news.
She had felt so helpless. And she had run outside for air before her dad made his way back over to confirm what she already knew.
Jules hadn’t stopped running since that day, not really. And even despite her best efforts, she was back in these feelings of helplessness and fear. The waiting room was getting smaller around her as she lost track of counting her steps. Each one had been something tangible to focus on.
And she needed something to focus on. Because she was no expert, but a spinal fracture sounded like something one did not simply bounce back from. By trying to act perfectly fine, she was convinced Riley had done something to make the injury worse. Maybe even permanent.
Worst case scenarios flooded her thoughts at a dizzying pace. She needed to get back to counting tiles.
“Then can I get you something?” Maddie offered as she crossed back in front of where her best friend sat between Grey and Cooper.
“Coffee doesn’t sound half bad,” she admitted.
“On it.” The brunette rose from her vinyl chair with the busy geometric pattern.
“I’ll go with you.” Grey stood as well, wrapping his arm around Maddie’s shoulders as they turned towards the sign pointing the way to the cafeteria. “Cooper, call us if the doc comes out.”
The younger cowboy nodded, his facial expression consisting of hard lines and a clenched jaw.
She wasn’t used to seeing Cooper like this, and it only added to her concern for Riley.
After all, he had been the one there when Riley collapsed.
He knew the situation better than anyone, and he was clearly worried by it.
About to return to pacing, Jules caught Cooper’s expression as he looked up at her. He looked so young, his wide eyes mirroring the worry in her. And now he was sitting all alone. So, instead of counting her way across the room once again, she dropped down into Maddie’s abandoned seat at his side.
“I just keep thinking that I should have let him drive the tractor,” he mumbled.
“This wasn’t one event,” Jules assured him. “He’s been hiding his pain; it’s been flaring up.”
“He couldn’t move his legs,” Coop whispered. “He couldn’t even feel them.”
The urge to retch crept its way up her throat. “He’ll be okay.” He had to be okay, there simply couldn’t be another option.
She leaned back in the chair with a dull thump. “He’ll be okay,” she repeated.
Had it really only been last night that they were tucked away in a dark corner of the bar together? Her fingers drifted up to the mark he’d left behind, just below her ear. Hidden by her hair.
Regret—for the way she’d pushed away from him—reared its determined head.
And it brought a heaping load of what ifs with it.
What if she had just given in to the constant pull that she felt towards Riley?
What if she had just told him the truth about everything last night?
This morning would certainly have gone differently, they’d be working together with the horses—because they would have arrived at the ranch together in this alternate universe.
“But Jules. He couldn’t feel his legs . What if he’s like… pa ralyzed?” Cooper whispered the last word, as if afraid that he could speak it into existence.
Riley was not a still man. He was active, strong. The one who carried those in his life when they were in need. She half expected him to come walking through those double doors with that crooked grin of his plastered on his face. As if amused that anyone thought he could actually be struck down.
“We were supposed to see his doctor.” She turned towards Cooper, pulling her knees up to rest on the arm of the chair. “He said he’d make the appointment last weekend.”
Riley was always there to help everyone. And the one time he needed someone to step up for him—to put his well-being first—she had failed him. She hadn’t asked him if he scheduled the appointment, she hadn’t done anything other than allowing him to continue to focus on her and the ranch.
“We?” Cooper arched his eyebrows at her. She rolled her eyes right back.
Tucked into the front pocket of her bootcut jeans, her phone vibrated with an incoming call. She slid it out just far enough to read the name flashing across the screen. It was Michelle, from the magazine, calling once again.
Biting her bottom lip, she stared at the illuminated screen and debated if she truly needed to answer now. She didn’t want to focus on anything but Riley. Certainly not the plans that would take her away from him.
“Take it.” Coop’s voice cut through her whirlwind debate. “You could use a distraction.”
With a nod, she dropped her thumb to the green icon and answered the call. “Hello?” she asked, rising from her seat.
“Hi, Jules. I hadn’t heard back from you and we are a bit pressed for time. I needed to firm this all up, so I booked everything for you.”
“But it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. What do you mean it’s all booked?” She had reached the far wall and turned, prepared to return to her pacing. But something in Michelle’s tone had her eyes scanning for some privacy in this waiting room.
In the back corner, a staircase with a faux ficus tucked under it created what she imagined would be the closest thing to concealment in this space.
“When you said you would call me back, I assumed you meant in an hour or so. Dear, this is the cover of one of the biggest agriculture and lifestyle magazines in the world. How could you say no? Your work will be front and center in every airport, newsstand, grocery store checkout?—”
She had just reached the ficus as she asked, “Why was it moved up? What changed?”
“The story was originally going to be in a late fall issue. But the man we planned to highlight for the September cover… let’s just say he made some poor choices, and we needed to pivot. Fast.”
Tucked behind the large plastic leaves, she leaned against the wall and sighed. “And if I said I couldn’t make next week. What then?” There was no way she could leave with Riley’s injury progressing like this.
Michelle’s voice was thick with confusion as she replied. “This is a big opportunity. Do you have a conflict? I guess we would have to use a backup photographer then. And if I’m being honest, pulling out of this job would be grounds to lose your whole contract with us.”
She gulped, this was her biggest contract. If she lost it, she’d lose her income source. But what if she wanted a new one now?
“I do have a conflict, yes.” A big one, just not the type that Michelle was imagining. It wasn’t about another shoot. It was about finally having her own life.
“Well, I would need to know by end of day tomorrow. But I already sent a package to your home address listed. Maybe it will remind you what you can get with this contract.”
“I’ll call you by end of day tomorrow,” Jules assured her. She wouldn’t commit to anything until she heard from the doctor. Until she talked to Riley.
Ending the call, she slid down the wall. Her long hair caught between the back of her head and the subtly yellow painted surface. She remained hidden by the fake tree, sitting on the cool tile with her knees pulled up to her chest.
A week . It simply would not be enough time to sort out everything tangled up in her head, and her heart.
Across the way, she watched one of the double doors open. She held her breath, waiting. No doctor emerged. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she continued to watch the room before her.
A man in a red and white striped sweater sat alone in a corner, book in hand.
A younger couple held hands and huddled together, their eyes on the doors as much as her own were.
And coming through the archway from the café, Grey and Maddie entered the scene.
Each of them carried two paper cups with plastic lids. So, they had found that coffee then.
She watched as they approached Cooper. Grey handed him a cup as Maddie’s eyes scanned the room. They landed on her and Jules attempted a half-hearted wave from her spot on the floor half tucked away behind a plant.
With a worried dip in her brow, Maddie assessed her as she approached. She reached down and handed Jules one of the coffees before settling onto the floor beside her.
“How are you doing over here?”
“I’ve been better.”
Maddie dropped her head to Jules’s shoulder, a hum of understanding escaping her tightly pressed lips.
“Did you really get me decaf?” Jules asked after a moment.
With a single burst of laughter, her best friend replied, “Of course not. I know better.”
A small smile caught the corner of her mouth, the first since Cooper had called. She lifted the cup and took a sip. A deliciously sweet, nutty flavor greeted her. She tipped the cup back once again, going for a more generous gulp.
As the warm liquid worked its way down, spreading a feeling of comfort through her chest, Jules turned to Maddie. “I got a call while you were gone.”
“Yeah?”
“The magazine booked the new airline tickets without me confirming.”
“They can do that?” Maddie asked as the double doors across the room swung open.
“Apparently. I need to talk to Riley. But with everything happening right now…” Her thought trailed off because this time, it was a white-coat clad doctor. And his attention was focused on where Cooper and Grey sat.
Jules’s hair raised on the back of her neck, her heart rate rising right along with it. This was it.
She jumped up, rushing across the room as he came to a stop before the pair of cowboys. “You brought Riley Walker in, right?” she heard the doctor ask them.
“I did, yeah,” Cooper nodded stiffly. “How’s he doin’?”
“You can see him now,” the doctor said rather than answering the question. His focus drifted over the four of them as they huddled around him. “Straight down the hall until you hit the dead end. Make a right, and then he’s in room 137.”
Jules didn’t waste a second taking off in the direction from which the doctor came. She had a room number. Nothing was going to stop her from seeing him this very moment.
Her heart raced as she reached the dead end and hung a right turn. Her boots slipped on the squeaky-clean floor as she rounded the corner. At this pace, the silver and mint colored plaque that read 137 came into view in no time.
With the door closed, she wrapped her hand around the overly shiny handle. She took a steadying breath before pushing it down. Whatever version of her Sundance was inside this room, she didn’t care. She threw the door open and stepped inside.