Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
ANNIKA
You were always good at pretending nothing happened.
The library is filled with the soft hums you would expect.
Pages turning.
Keyboards clicking.
Low voices blending together.
I stare at the note. I’ve read the line so many times that the ink should be worn and thin. It’s not. It’s still sharp and fresh.
I shift in my chair, pressing the note inside the open Journal of Clinical Psychology like I can forget it if I push hard enough.
I tap my fingers on the textbook to compare the theories.
Neuromuscular Control and Motor Response.
This is where I’m at my best. When I’m in control and able to predict what will happen. Everything I built my new life around.
My eyes drift back to the crease in the page where the note sits hidden.
You were always good at pretending nothing happened.
My stomach twists because that’s the part that settles in my heart.
Not the accusation. That part is true.
Not the anger.
It’s more about not being able to predict who is sending these letters. And how they know who I am and where I work despite me changing my name.
“Hi, I know you. You’re Parker’s brain fixer.”
I jump from my chair an inch or two. My head snaps up, heart already racing, body halfway out of the chair before my brain catches up.
Noelle O’Ryan stands there like she’s just walked out of a coffee shop instead of startling someone into a mild cardiac event.
She has a baby strapped to her chest in one of those soft carriers, tiny little feet peeking out, and a tote bag slung over her shoulder. She smiles bright and wide, kisses the crown of the baby’s head, like she’s not juggling an extra fifty pounds of baby and baby stuff.
“Oh my gosh… so sorry,” she says with a rolling sweet laugh. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You did,” I say, my breath still catching up.
“Yeah, I can see that.” She winces with her eyes narrowing and then grins. “Sorry, I tend to jump in with both feet.
“No problem.”
She shifts her baby without even realizing it, patting her back like it’s instinct.
“I’m Noelle O’Ryan-Stricker and this is Emma,” she says, introducing herself whether I’m ready or not.
“My son is at Mom’s Day Out, so I have three hours to pretend I have a life outside of work and family while she sleeps. ”
“I’m Anna,” I blink. “Mom’s day out?”
“Best invention ever. Twice a week I take the kids and drop them off. She was sniffling today so I brought her with me.”
“It must be difficult working full time for a sports network and having a family.”
She grins and shrugs her shoulders. “I’m lucky to be able to work from home except for game days and prep days. When I’m out of town during football season, my sister-in-law, Birdie, comes with me to watch the kids.”
“Seems like you have a supportive family.”
She looks down at the table and notices the medical textbooks and journals, looking perplexed. “We do. I saw you at the game last week,” she continues like she’s never met a stranger. “You were standing with Sutton doing the whole I can’t figure him out thing with your arms crossed.”
I uncross my arms the minute she laughs.
“I was working. I needed to see him in his environment. I’ve never had a client that plays for his brother, his other brother is the quarterback and his brother-in-law is his offensive coordinator.”
She grins and it seems as if she’s thinking about all of them. “Yeah, Greyson’s retiring after this year so it’s the last chance to win one together.” She adjusts Emma and says, “But what I noticed at the game was how Parker kept looking at you.”
My stomach flips. Does she know? Has he told his family that we slept together? Did he spill the beans at Sunday dinner?
“Maybe with disdain in his eyes.”
“Nope, that was not the look. This look was new.”
I glance down at my books and the note hidden inside it. At everything I’m trying my best not to think about. “He played well,” I say ignoring her suggestion.
“He did,” she agrees. “Which was great, but he’s been brooding the past few days. Even refused Texas Twinkies at family dinner. Any clue as to why?”
Maybe.
“We haven’t had a session this week. I had to reschedule.”
She bounces Emma on her toes, giving me a tight smile. “Sorry, the only time she’s still is when she’s sleeping.”
The way she says it is so simple and full of love. It hits me in a place I don’t expect. I never had that type of love.
“Your daughter is beautiful and I love the big bow.”
“She is. Thank you. Even when she’s screaming at three in the morning.”
I let out a hushed laugh. “I’ll take your word for it.”
“But it’s worth it.”
There’s a brief pause, not awkward, just quiet. Then Noelle leans forward, lowering her voice like she’s preparing to tell government secrets.
“Can I tell you something about Parker?”
I nod.
“He’s a gentle giant,” she says. “Everyone sees the football player. The big personality. The confidence. But that’s not the real Parker.”
My chest tightens.
“I’ve seen him be vulnerable and open,” I admit, recalling how he made me feel desired and wanted. How slow he went, drinking me in.
She smiles, reminiscing “He used to follow me around like my shadow when we were kids,” she says, lost in a memory.
“If I went outside, he’d be right beside me.
If I climbed a tree, so did he. If I got in trouble, he’d say he did it so I wouldn’t get in trouble.
He’s protective of the people he loves. One time,” she continues, “I got into an argument with a girl at school. My best friends were mostly other boys, and it made the girls jealous.”
Her smile falters as she talks, obviously it upsets her.
“Anyway, the next day, Parker finds me after every class, and we walk together. My own personal bodyguard.” Her mouth tips into a smile at the memory.
Teenage Parker, I can picture it. I imagine all the girls were in love with his dimples, even without the sculpted body he has now. Protective of his sister. My body warms at the thought.
“Thanks for giving me some insight into his family life.”
“When our mom passed away, we were young. He would crawl in bed with me and tell me ‘Don’t cry sissy.’”
“How old were you?”
“Toddlers. He was three and I was four.”
The library fades around me. All I can see is Parker as a little boy, consoling his sister. That version of him.
“He didn’t want me to be alone. I don’t remember much from that long ago, but I’ll never forget that.”
My throat is dry and feels like it sometimes does before you cry because she’s given me another part of him.
Noelle watches me. “He’s like that with people he cares about.”
“I can tell how much he loves his family by how he talks about all of you.”
“Hey, tomorrow night I’m having margarita night with a couple of friends, Sutton and Birdie. You should come. No football. Just girl talk.”
My mouth hangs open. “I shouldn’t.”
“You should. Trust me.” Noelle pulls a pen from her tote, leans down and scribbles her address and phone on my notepad.
“Thanks. Have fun on your day out.”
She gives me one last warm smile before heading off.
I sit there for a long time after she’s gone. My phone feels heavier in my hand when I pick it up. I stare at Parker’s name. My thumb hovers.
Should I?
No.
But then I type.
Me: Are you busy tonight?
I hit send before I can overthink it.
Because for the first time in forever—I don’t want to pretend that nothing happened.