Chapter Four #2
She nods and leans in, writing her name on a notepad as I sit on the sun lounge next to her.
She hands the notepad to me, and I nod, taking it and a pencil, then proceed to draw a dove as my picture reference for the word Ria.
She sits back, watching me as I continue to doodle on a free page of the notepad.
“You’re really good at drawing, you know that? You are an artist.”
Nodding, I glance at her. “I designed all my tattoos.”
She purses her lips and tries to hide her smile. “I’m impressed. Can you draw something else for me?”
Suddenly, I’m filled with a sense of excitement. Drawing gives me a strong emotional response. Other than music, it’s a real passion, and no one has ever asked me to draw for them. So Ria wanting me to sketch something for her excites me.
“Sure.”
All the awkwardness from before seems to have ebbed, and now we’re back to being us again as I sit back and create some artwork. Zaria lays on her sun lounge, soaking up the sunlight and waiting for me to finish. She sips on her fruity drink and orders her chef to make us a salad.
After being out in the sun for a while and me doodling, she turns to me. “We should go watch a movie in the theater room.”
“You have a theater room?”
“Don’t you?” she replies.
“Um… no.”
She grabs my hand, leading me inside her mansion. “Well, c’mon then. I’ll show you mine.”
Shaking my head, I take a breath and follow her inside and off to the left, where we walk under the stairs and into a darkened room.
She flicks on the lights, and it’s basically a small cinema.
There are rows of recliner chairs with small tables between them, and at the front of the room, on the wall, is a giant white screen the size of a standard cinema screen.
I look up at a projector, and it is not like the standard type you’d find in a home theater room.
No, this is massive, and it hangs from the ceiling.
I shake my head. “Wow,” I simply say as Ria chuckles and drags me further inside.
“What do you wanna watch? Not one of mine, though,” she exclaims, and I laugh.
“What about Finding Nemo?”
She cocks her head to the side with a half-smile. “Wasn’t expecting that. More of a horror or thriller or maybe a comedy, but definitely wasn’t expecting Disney-Pixar from you.”
Grinning, I shrug. “I’m full of surprises. Plus, I like the message of ‘never give up’ in it. I kinda live by Dory’s motto of ‘Just Keep Swimming.’ It helps me survive in this world.”
She frowns and pats my shoulder. “There’s so much to you, Nate Levine, that’s deeper than people know. I wish they saw you how I see you.”
Tilting my head, I furrow my brows. “How do you see me?”
“As a broken but kind man, everyone steps on. And you let them because deep down, you feel like you’re not worthy.”
Shifting uncomfortably, I swallow hard. “You got all that by looking at me?”
“I see a lot of the old me in you, Nate. You’re worth more than you think you are.”
I scoff. “I’m just your typical dumbass drummer.”
“No! You’re a passionate artist who has no sense of self-worth. I’m going to change that. Show everyone how worthy you are.”
I exhale. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Like I said… I see my old self in you. Before Ria became Zaria. You’re a decent man, and I want people to see you for you.”
“Why don’t you let people see you for you?”
“As in Ria, not Zaria?” I nod, and she sighs. “Because of Patrick, my stepdad. He taught me to be Zaria, and I owe him so much. My whole career, basically. I feel like if I stop being Zaria, it would feel like a slap in the face to Patrick.”
“I guess. But you don’t have to be so dramatic, Ria. You could be less diva and a little more Ria. I think people would warm to Ria more than your Zaria persona. Honestly, I think they’d respect Ria more than that diva. People generally roll their eyes at the diva mentality, don’t they?”
She exhales. “It’s hard, though. When I get into that mode, it’s difficult to switch off the bitch. I hate being her, but I don’t know how to be any different in public because it’s so ingrained in me now. It’s like a habit that I can’t break.”
I nod. “I get it, but I think you should try. How about you start with my friends? I know for a fact they’d appreciate Ria instead of the diva.” I give her a warm smile.
She nods. “I’ll try.”
After Ria put the movie in, we settled in the overstuffed recliners, laughing and talking throughout the entire film. I’m not sure we actually watched any of it.
We shared stories about our childhoods, our struggles with fame, and the pressure of being in the media eye all the time. I explained further how I ended up in Recoil and how I continue to skate by in their shadows.
Even though I really like her, and I would love nothing more than to kiss her, I’ve truly enjoyed her company. Underneath her bitchy persona is a fun, caring woman. Basically, it is the opposite of how she is perceived in the public eye.
After the movie finishes, I’m reluctant to call it a night as we get up to leave the theater room.
“I should probably go,” I say begrudgingly, seeing as I’ve been here all day.
Ria purses her lips like she’s pouting because she’s sad I’m leaving.
And that thought makes me happy.
“Thank you for today,” I tell her, then lean in to kiss her cheek.
She smiles, grabs my hand, and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Was my pleasure. We have to do it again, and soon. Okay?” Ria offers, while walking me to the front door.
I nod and smile in answer.
The urge to kiss her is strong, but I figure two kisses on the cheek are a little excessive. So I simply turn and head for my car.
“Bye, Nate,” she calls out.
Swinging around, I see her waving, and I return the gesture, looking at her through the darkness. She’s standing in her doorway, and the lights from inside shine from behind her, lighting her up with a halo glow.
I sigh.
I’m so done for with this chick.
Shaking my head, I slide into my car and start the engine. Before I take off, I wave once more and drive toward the gate. It opens automatically, and the security guards nod—I’d forgotten they were even here—before putting my foot on the accelerator and heading home from Hollywood Hills.
The drive doesn’t take long, and when I arrive home, Matt is having a late dinner and barbecuing. It smells delicious, and I know he has extra, which is great because I’m starving after the small salad I had earlier at Ria’s.
“Where the hell have you been all day?” he asks.
I figure lying is probably not such a good idea. Plus, Matt can always tell when I’m bullshitting, so I tell him the truth. “I spent the day at Zaria’s mansion.”
Matt gawks, then laughs loudly like he thinks I’m joking.
“Is it so hard to believe?”
Matt stops chuckling and squishes his brows together like he can’t quite grasp what I’ve just told him. “Um, no. Just surprising, I guess. So, what’s her place like?”
“Fucking amazing. We had lunch and went swimming, then watched Finding Nemo—”
“You made an Oscar winner watch a kids’ movie?”
I laugh and nod. “She loved it!”
Suddenly, my cell phone beeps with a text message. I wince and pull it out, never knowing if I’m going to be able to read it or not. I usually have to get Matt to read my text messages.
The text is from Ria, but it doesn’t say anything. It’s a symbol of a clownfish. I smile and send back a picture of a dove.
Matt shakes his head. “Weird,” is all he says as he continues cooking on the grill.
“So, what happened at the office today?” I ask.
Matt shrugs. “Not a lot. Danger and Lunar were talking about their wedding plans…” He rolls his eyes. “A lot.”
Tensing slightly at the thought of Lunar marrying Danger, Matt looks at me and sighs. “Nate, you gotta let that shit go.”
Sighing, I slump my body. “I know, but I don’t want Danger to hurt her.”
“He loves her too much, dude. She’s not like the others. He’ll never hurt her.”
Groaning, I run my hand through my hair. “He thought he really loved his ex, Ella, too. He’s scum when it comes to women, you know that.”
“Nate, let it the fuck go. Danger’s happy.
Lunar’s not yours to chase.” His brother exhales, shaking his head.
“If you’re dead set on torturing yourself, why not go after Zaria?
Even though she’s way out of your league, and let’s be real, way too old for you.
She is a woman, Nate, not some groupie looking for a good time.
” He smirks. “I mean, a woman like that?” He blows air out of his mouth and widens his eyes.
“She’s got her pick of mature men. You really think she’d waste her time on a twenty-six-year-old kid? She’s no cougar.”
Is he fucking kidding?
As if I don’t know of my shortcomings making me less than.
Tensing up, I huff. “Why do you have to do that?”
“What?” he asks.
“Always putting me down? Fuck!”
Matt pulls his head back in shock. “Dude, I’m sorry. You know I love you, bro!”
“I hate that I’m this way.”
He furrows his brows. “What way?”
“Stupid!”
“What? You’re not stupid—”
“I can’t read, Matt. What other twenty-six-year-old do you know that can’t. Fucking. Read?”
Matt reaches out, wrapping his arm around my shoulders firmly. “I know you struggle with this, and if you want, I can hire a tutor again to help?”
I pull back and sigh. “Nah, I’m good. Just had a moment…”
Matt looks me in the eyes. “Maybe you should see a counselor?”
“Fuck off, I’m fine!” I grab the food from the grill and bring it inside, feeling the weight of the day pressing down on me.
I just want to eat quickly, crawl into bed, and sleep off this nagging sense of inadequacy—this feeling of being stupid and the sting of Ria’s rejection today.
Maybe, if I’m lucky, a good night’s sleep will dull the edge of it all.
Fuck, I’m a loser!