Chapter 13
2019
"Ami," someone lifts my head up, "look at me." I close my eyes.
"Ami, when will you stop doing it?
I try to open my eyes, but close them again.
"Do you understand that you are killing yourself?" Sebastian's voice started to bore me lately.
"Fuck off."
"If you don't stop, I will tell mom." I'm laughing. Aloud. Hysterically.
"Will you tell mom? Oh, Sebastian, you're still such a child."
"You understand that you can't just drink all summer, alcohol won't take your heartache away."
"And what?" I jump out of bed. "What difference does it make, whether it will take away my heartache or not, whether it will kill me or leave me alive? I don't care, Sebastian," I push him. "Do you hear me?"
"No," he snatches the bottle of scotch from my hands and goes to the sink. "If I see this rubbish even once more in my flat, then you can look for another place to live." And Sebastian pours out almost the entire contents of the bottle.
"Are you crazy?" I rush to him and try to take away the alcohol.
"Amelia," he says through his teeth, "you better step back."
I walk away, crossing my arms over my chest and giving him a murderous look.
"Fuck you, Sebastian. You were always perfect for our parents." I shout and run out into the street.
Although it is almost the middle of summer, going out at eleven o'clock in the evening in only shorts and a T-shirt is not the best decision.
I sit down on a bench near the entrance, cross my legs and arms.
"Why did you leave me?" I said, into the darkness.
"Why did you leave me alone?"
Tears trickle down my cheeks, but I wipe them away.
I want to scream, but this silence is now louder than my scream.
"I'm here, Amelia," Sebastian sits down next to me and hugs me. "I know it's hard for you. And I would do anything to take your pain away from you, I will always be here for you."
This is not the first time since living in his flat that he sees me crying, not the first time he comforts me and promises that the pain will one day pass.
I stopped believing in it a long time ago, even after my father died. Anything can happen to you, you can accept the situation, forget about it, but the pain will always be there. Your heart will always tingle when you remember what once destroyed it. Your breathing will stop for a moment, you will feel like you are drowning in a huge lake of pain, and it will always be like that. This scar can't be erased from memories.
Denys left me with my scar for life. Every time I look in the mirror in the bathroom, when I change my clothes, every time I want to put on a bikini, I think of him.
I don't know how to live with it. But I know for sure that I will never fall in love again in my life. I just can't.