14. Zoey
ZOEY
I awoke with the echo of the kiss lingering on my lips, a phantom sensation that had me pressing my face deeper into the pillow.
Noah’s touch had been tender, almost cautious.
I groaned into the soft fabric, trying to silence the part of me that screamed for more, something I wasn’t sure I should even admit.
I’d wanted him to take control, to give me something other than soft kisses and fleeting touches.
That couldn’t be right. Not yet. It was so soon.
“Are you going to stay in there all day?” Heather called through the door.
“Maybe,” I mumbled, rolling over to squint at her when she came into my room. My heart still throbbed erratically, betraying my turmoil.
“Seriously, what’s up? You’ve been tossing and turning all morning.”
“Nothing. It’s stupid.”
“Out with it.” Heather leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, in that “little sister knows best” stance she’d mastered years ago.
“Okay, okay.” I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face. “Noah kissed me last night.”
“And?”
“And... I liked it. A lot.” Heat crept up my neck, painting my cheeks scarlet. “But then there’s this voice in my head asking if it’s too soon. If I’m moving on from George too fast.”
Heather snorted and came to perch on the edge of my bed. “Zoey, when’s the last time you were pleased? Really pleased? Emotionally or otherwise?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “I don’t know.”
“Exactly.” Heather stood, pulling me up by the hands. “You deserve to feel good, to be desired. And if Noah’s the one stirring all that up inside you, why question it? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be wanted, Zoey. Desire is human.”
“Easy for you to say,” I shot back, but her words sank in, chipping away at the wall of doubt.
“Trust me. It’s okay to let yourself feel. Does he make you feel safe, Zoey?”
I hesitated, contemplating the question, absently tracing the freckles on my arm. “Yes.” The thought was so alien to me. I never would have thought I’d ever feel safe with another man. “He does.”
“And respected?”
“Respected, yes.” The realization surprised me as much as the admission itself. My gaze flickered up to meet hers, searching for judgment but finding none.
“Then what’s stopping you from exploring these feelings?”
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “Scared of getting hurt, scared of moving too fast.”
“Zoey, listen to me,” Heather said, cradling my hands in hers. “You’re a woman with needs and desires. It’s natural. Let yourself feel like a woman because, at the end of the day, that’s what you are.”
Her words wrapped around me like a warm embrace, coaxing the tension from my shoulders. “I guess you’re right.”
“Talk about it at therapy today,” she said. “It might help to get an outside perspective.”
“Therapy?” My heart pounded at the thought.
“Your first session is today, remember?”
“Right.” I took a deep breath, steeling myself. “I’ll bring it up.”
“Good.” Heather squeezed my hands before letting go. “Now, go get ready. You’ve got this.”
“Thanks, Heather.” I stood, feeling a bit more fortified than before.
When I was dressed, a small smile played on my lips as I headed toward the door, ready to face whatever came next.
Heather drove me to the center, true to her word that she’d come with me to support me.
Boldercrest whizzed past, the houses and trees blurring together.
I’d spent so many years listening to George tell me that my family was beneath me.
That I didn’t need them in my life. So much time wasted.
It was difficult not to compare the happiness I’d found in the short time I’d been here to all the time spent with George.
My mind jumped and my thoughts swirled as I tried to anticipate the therapist’s questions. How much was I willing to divulge in this session?
When Heather parked the car, she took my hand, offering a comforting touch.
We sat there together as if we had all the time in the world.
She’d wait with me until I was ready to get out of the car.
Her calm and understanding only made me feel guiltier that I’d allowed George to alienate me from my family.
We sat for a short time in silence until I’d procrastinated as long as I could. I gave her hand a squeeze. “I can totally do this,” I said.
“Damn right you can,” she said with a smile.
As I got out of the car, the warm breeze fluttered through my hair. Together, we walked towards the therapy center.
The glass doors of the center closed behind me with a gentle whoosh, muffling the noise of the busy street outside. Heather’s hand on my shoulder was both comforting and grounding as she guided me towards the reception desk.
“I’ll be right here when you’re done,” Heather promised. She gave me an encouraging nod before taking a seat in the lobby, pulling a medical journal out of her bag.
I checked in, my hands trembling slightly as I scribbled my name on the sign-in sheet. The receptionist gave me a smile I couldn’t return. I was too wound up inside, a tangle of nerves and fear that seemed to constrict tighter with every passing second.
“Zoey Lester?”
I pivoted towards the sound of my name and found a tall, slender woman waiting in the doorway to her office.
I placed her in her late fifties. She was impeccably dressed in a tailored royal-blue pantsuit and slate-gray shirt.
Her light blond bob framed her kind face, warm brown eyes, and friendly expression.
“That’s me,” I acknowledged with a wave, forcing my feet to move forward.
Elaine Allan shook my hand as she introduced herself. “Come on through.”
On shaky legs, I followed Elaine into a room bathed in natural light. A plush chair faced a desk adorned with a single blooming orchid.
“Please, have a seat,” she said. “Can I offer you some water?”
Sitting down, I nodded mutely, throat tight. She poured a glass, setting it on a small table beside me.
“I know coming here is a big step,” she continued, her manner calm and empathetic. “These walls are a safe space for whatever you’d like to disclose.” She settled into her chair. “Nothing you say leaves this room.”
I took a sip of the water, the coolness a slight distraction. “I... I don’t even know where to begin.”
She offered a calm smile. “That’s perfectly all right. Take your time. Let’s start by taking a deep breath together.”
I inhaled shakily.
“Why don’t you tell me what brought you here?” At the sound of my sharp inhale, she said, “Remember, you’re in control here. Whenever you’re ready.”
When was the last time I felt in control? It seemed an eternity since I’d had that power. All at once, the office was less intimidating.
The world seemed to shrink, the orchid on the desk the only witness as I began to talk. I wasn’t ready to talk about everything that happened with George, not yet, though I was fairly sure she had a good idea.
Elaine listened intently as I spoke. Words stumbled out of me, a cascade of fears for my future I kept locked away, not wanting Sam or Heather to worry about me. She listened, her gaze never wavering, her nods indicating that she was there with me, in the thick of my chaotic thoughts.
“Zoey, it’s okay for you to feel again, even after everything you’ve been through,” she told me after I had finished speaking.
I felt exposed and fragile, but she offered me solace with her words.
“It’s important that you have someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable enough to experience those feelings. ”
That was exactly what Heather had said. And I was beginning to believe it.
“It’s understandable that you would be cautious, but don’t let it stop you from finding happiness. You’re resilient, Zoey. You’ve survived, and now it’s time to start living again.”
As her words settled over me, hope flickered weakly deep within me. When the session drew to a close, something felt different. Lighter.
“It won’t be easy, but there is hope,” Elaine said, smiling.
“You have incredible strength within you, and we’ll work together to find the healing you deserve.
For today, focus on taking care of yourself.
A warm bath, a good book, whatever brings you comfort.
We’ll pick up where we left off next week. ”
“Thank you,” I said.
Exiting the office, I found Heather exactly where she said she’d be, head lifting from her journal as I approached. She looked at me with a questioning, hopeful expression.
“It was good,” I told her, a small but genuine smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. For the first time in a long while, I believed what everyone was telling me.
I was still feeling light when Heather and I walked into the gym. Noah was already there, wrapping his hands in preparation for the evening’s self-defense class. He looked up, a smile lighting up his face, and I felt my heart do that odd little skip again.
“Hey.” His voice was smooth and warm, like a summer breeze. “Ready to learn some moves tonight?”
“Absolutely,” I said, my playful tone surprising me. “I even remembered to bring my mind this week, as well as my body.” Maybe it was the lingering effect of my therapist’s words or the way Noah appeared to cheer me on, but I added, “I hope you’re prepared to be impressed.”
He chuckled, and the sound made my insides melt. “I have no doubt about that. You’ve been doing great so far.”
When our eyes met, something electric zinged through the air. My cheeks heated, but I held his gaze.
“Are you free tomorrow night?” Noah asked, a hint of mischief dancing across his handsome face.
“Um, yes, maybe. If my sister or Sam takes Ro,” I stammered, taken aback by the sudden shift from training instructor to... something more.
“Good. Dinner? If I don’t hear from you to say otherwise, I’ll pick you up at seven,” he said.
I swallowed. “It’s a date.”
When the class started, I could feel the stares from some of the other women. They were subtle glances, but their envy rang clear. I shifted uncomfortably until Heather sidled up next to me.
“Let them stare,” she murmured so only I could hear. “They should know better than to mess with us, anyway.”
Her words emboldened me, and I turned to face the class, chin raised in defiance. “Yeah, they should,” I agreed. “You’re not just my sister. You’re a doctor with access to meds that can’t be detected after they’re dead.”
Heather smirked as the others quickly averted their gazes.The color drained from their faces, and a wild cackle burst out of me before I could stop it. I doubled over, clutching my stomach as my laughter echoed through the gym. God, it felt so good, so freeing.
“Zoey,” Heather snorted. “You’re going to scare them off for good.”
I straightened up, trying to school my features, and locked gazes with Noah. His soft smile was like a warm blanket, his blue eyes crinkling at the edges. Beside me, Heather stood with her arms crossed and grinned.
“Thank you.” I nudged her with my hip. “For everything.”
Heather clapped my shoulder, a sly smile on her face. “Now, let’s show them how it’s done.”
“Let’s,” I said, stepping onto the mat with newfound confidence. As I glanced at Noah and Heather one last time, something clicked into place. This was where I belonged. And I was very glad I’d come to Boldercrest.