36. Inch by Painful Inch – Rosemary
Inch by Painful Inch
ROSEMARY
The thick tang of copper coated my tongue, ran thick through my matted blond hair, and held fast to my skin as it ran in copious rivulets through the sky. I wrinkled my nose at the stench of it, blinking it out of my eyes as everything turned crimson. The sky wept blood. So much blood.
“This is the blood of our people, Rosemary.”
I faced my mother's disappointed voice, blood streaming from her mouth as she witnessed the land decay. Long gone from this world, she stood over me as I cowered, broken in body and mind. Her once pristine white gown clung to her form, turning blood red before my horrified eyes.
Her pale blue eyes, so much like Briar’s, stared down at me accusingly. “Look around you. You failed. You failed your people. You failed your sister. And you failed me!”
I dropped my head in shame, not caring as thick streams of blood coated my cheeks and ran down my neck.
It burned my skin, but that pain was but a blade of grass in a meadow to everything I had felt.
Something sharp bit into the flesh of my jaw, and I winced, realizing my mother’s fingers curled around my chin. She yanked my face upward.
“Look at me when I am talking to you, child! You are a disgrace! You couldn’t even break a simple curse.
” Her words hit me like bladed fists to my wounded heart.
There was such hatred painted across her features, such loathing contempt.
Had she ever looked at me this way before?
I couldn’t remember. How did we ever get here?
When I spoke, it was with a voice I barely recognized.
Weak. Quiet. Ashamed. "I tried," I mumbled, my voice barely above a whisper, as I attempted to avert my gaze from her piercing eyes.
Her fingers were like steel, firmly gripping my chin, holding it in place despite my efforts to look away.
Her unyielding grasp kept me rooted, unable to escape the intensity of the moment.
My eyes burned against the pain of the blood rain, and I began reciting the uses of simple plants once found in my cottage long ago in hopes of distracting my mind and heart from the agony of all that had happened.
Parsley. Can be used to treat issues in the lower abdomen related to urine, both for pain and healing. Other known uses are helping eliminate stomach issues. Also found to enhance the appearance of aging mortals when used as a salve.
I let my mind wander with the ramblings, going deeper into each plant until I envisioned each leaf and stem. It all laid out before me like a sketch upon a page.
“You didn’t try hard enough. If it had been you cursed instead of Briar, she would have broken the curse in a fraction of the time you’ve spent blundering around.”
Cloves, when ingested, can inhibit pain receptors or reduce inflammation. When used as a paste and not ingested, it could be used to aid oral health. It has also been linked to restoring digestive balances.
Everything numbed within me until a single memory flashed behind my tired eyes. A small, bowed form standing before a plush bed within the room of a dilapidated cottage in total disarray. Still just a child but for the weight thrust upon her shoulders.
“You,” I seethed, tearing my chin from her grip as I glared up at her.
“You left me alone as a child. You gave me nothing but an insurmountable burden. Your anger and grief left you blinded to our needs, and your petty revenge made the task you throttled me with impossible.” I slowly stood as I spat each word until I stood nose-to-nose with the ghost of my mother.
“You’re the reason I have suffered. You’re the reason Briar has suffered.
You…” I stared up into the bloodied sky, screaming at the heavens for all to hear. “...and you!”
I knew there was something there to focus my rage upon, at which to direct my anger.
I caught a slip of a smirk from my mother before she faded away into nothingness.
Relief tugged at my shoulders as the crimson forest, the bloodied skies, and even the sloshy mess at my feet disappeared, leaving me alone in the darkness once more.
No. Not darkness. I winced, feeling the stone beneath my cheek as I winced at the softest orange glow. A slight flickering of a candle’s flame. And the unseelie’s grinning face just beyond it.
I tried to move, to lunge, to pull power to me, but I was weak, drained, and so very tired.
The queen’s head tilted. “Broken yet, dear?”
I ground my teeth together, answering her only with my silence. Every bone felt as though it had been flayed. My muscles ached. My mind was so foggy that I barely recalled where I was. I blinked up at her, praying my heated gaze held every ounce of hatred this world had to offer.
“You know, once upon a time, I was just like you. In love with someone not meant for me.” The queen chuckled.
“Believe it or not, he was a seelie lord. My parents refused the matching, but I was young and lost to lust. I believed our peoples could have peace between us, that we need not draw a line through the sands of our courts.” She turned to me then, sighing.
“Do you know what happened to that poor, young, na?ve girl?”
I watched her, my lips not daring to part in response.
She smiled then, and a chill spread down my spine at the sinister gleam behind her narrowed gaze.
“That seelie lord wanted to marry me. He wanted me to run away with him. He told me how he loved me. And so, one dark night, I snuck him into our keep to help me pack some belongings. Except, that hadn’t been his intention. He murdered my parents, my siblings—”
She pulled at the collar of her gown, her fingers dipping beneath the black lace until she bared an ugly, jagged scar that ran across her chest, just above her left breast. “He tried to kill me as well.” She shrugged, letting the gown shift back into place.
“But I tore out his still-beating heart, and as he slumped against the stone wall of my sister’s bedroom, I dropped the deathly still heart into his lap.
And with his blood coating my fingers, I realized then how weak love had made me.
Love will always be a weakness, and the unseelie and seelie can never have peace. ”
“I heard a different story,” I rasped out, my voice nearly failing me.
I didn’t know how long I’d been trapped within her hold, but the constant thirst and screaming had left my throat hoarse.
“I heard that the seelie lord had loved you so much that when he came to claim your hand in marriage, against his parents’ wishes, begging your parents to reconsider their refusal, that a bloodbath ensued.
His parents showed up to that meeting, threatening your life.
You weren’t even there when that seelie lord you claim you loved defended your honor, and when you showed up and saw the bloodbath in the throne room, you didn’t even give him the chance to explain himself before you ripped his heart out.
It was not in your sister’s bedroom. All I see is that love always deserves a chance to explain, and a chance for forgiveness. And you gave your love neither.”
My cheek burned as her palm slapped me so hard my ears rang from the force. She hissed as she pulled her fist through the bars, her skin steaming against the iron for a second as she snarled at me. “You know nothing!”
Inch by painful inch, I lifted myself on weakened limbs until I sat.
My cheek smarted from her striking it, but I refused to press my fingertips to it, refused to show her any weakness as I met her angry glare.
“I know that when a fae finds their mate, to deny them, to kill them, is to kill their own heart. It’s the reason you are horrid.
You rotted yourself from the inside out. ”
I met her furious gaze without flinching. I refused to break. She had darkened her heart with her deeds and snatched mine away with a mere flick of her wrist. But as I straightened my spine, I vowed to seize her heart in my grasp, even if it took my last breath to achieve it.
She snickered at me, her fingers curling around her dark hair as it hung in silky strands along her porcelain skin.
“If you’re not broken now.” She tsked as she stood, rising above me fluidly, her fingers still wrapped around the brass candle holder as she took the light further away.
The shadows danced and stretched, reaching for me with icy fingers.
“You soon will be. Then I will break you again, and again, and again. Until you’ve lost all sense of yourself.
You won’t be able to tell reality from illusion.
” She cocked her head. “Do you feel it happening now?”
I held still, not bothering to respond. My gaze was feral, my mind already half lost.
The queen stopped in front of the stairs, leaving me in the darkness alone.
She held the flickering flame of her candle next to her face.
Her brows lifted as if she remembered something.
“A pack of wolves have been patrolling my woods, but my guards are currently killing them. Soon, I’ll have new fur for my rugs, but I will bring you their heads.
It won’t be long before all your friends have moved onto the next life, but you…
” She gave her head a slow, sad shake. “You’ll still be here. ”
She turned from me then, her voice singing as she disappeared up the curling stone steps. “Death is a blessing, but you, my dear, will never feel its cold touch. You will be lost forever down here only wishing for its release.”
With no sense of time but the eternal stretch of darkness, I didn’t know how long passed before the next nightmare began.