Chapter 4
‘What are you doing here, Billy?’
Hannah had rescued him from outside, where he produced a bunch of flowers from behind his back and presented them with a sheepish smile.
Hannah looked at them for a moment, uncomprehending, before accepting them, unsure what to do with the bouquet.
She invited him inside, where they settled in the kitchen and Hannah dumped the flowers in the sink.
She would deal with them later. Billy accepted Hannah’s offer of a glass of water and he took a hearty glug, before sitting on the high stool indicated by a nod of the head from Hannah.
Her gaze darted around the kitchen, all around Billy, unwilling to make direct eye contact, but simply being in the same room as him evoked all kinds of emotions within her.
‘How did you even know where to find me?’
‘Well, you talked about Lower Leaping a lot when we were together so I looked it up on the map. It wasn’t difficult to find. When I arrived, I went into the pub and asked if they knew where you lived and they sent me straight here.’
It didn’t surprise Tess. Everyone knew everyone else in the village so you could never hide yourself away, even if you wanted to.
‘So you’re here now. What was it you wanted to say?’ Hannah stood with her arms folded, her tone distinctly cool. ‘It would have been easier to text or call me.’
‘Well, I would have done had you not blocked my number.’ His gaze locked onto hers and his mouth lifted to one side. ‘I did think about sending you a letter, but I reckoned I could get here just as quickly myself, and what I want to say to you, and your mum, is much better delivered in person.’
Tess who had been thinking that she should make herself scarce and leave the pair of them to talk, caught Hannah’s sideways glance and realised that she had no option but to stay.
‘Look, I wanted to say how sorry I was for bailing out on you. I regretted it almost as soon as I walked away, but I was in a state of shock. I know, I know, that it was probably nothing compared to what you were going through, but I panicked and just had this overwhelming feeling to run, to get away from the situation.’ Billy dropped his gaze to his hands clasped together on the table. ‘It wasn’t my finest hour.’
‘No, it really wasn’t, but thank you for the apology. You really didn’t need to come all the way here for that.’
‘Oh, but I did. Don’t you see? I’ve missed you.
Didn’t we have the best time together in Aus?
It’s been driving me crazy not being able to contact you or talk to you and hear your voice.
I love you, Hannah, and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about you ever since we went our separate ways, wondering how you are, how you’ve been getting on.
’ His gaze dropped to her belly and instinctively, Hannah turned away, clasping her hands in front of her stomach protectively.
‘Well, there was no need for you to worry. I’m fine. Thank you for your concern.’
‘I know I don’t deserve it after the way I treated you, but I hoped we might be able to give our relationship another go.
What we had was special, you know that.’ He looked at her imploringly.
‘I think the intensity of my feelings, being on the other side of the world, then finding out you were pregnant, well, it messed with my head. Sent me a bit crazy. I didn’t think I was ready for that kind of commitment and responsibility, but I quickly realised that I was overthinking it.
That what was most important to me was being with you, taking care of you and our baby. ’
Tess took a sharp intake of breath, her gaze darting across to Hannah, an electric charge sizzling in the atmosphere.
After a pause, ‘There is no baby, not any more,’ Hannah explained matter-of-factly.
‘What?’ Billy’s face crumpled in confusion, as he looked between Hannah and Tess, before he nodded in understanding. ‘You decided not to go ahead.’
Tess moved closer to Hannah and put her hand over hers, saddened that she was having to explain what she’d been through, but proud that she was handling it so well.
‘No, the opposite. I decided to go ahead but then… well, it obviously wasn’t meant to be. I lost the baby. A few weeks ago,’ she said with a nonchalant shrug. ‘So, there’s no problem any more.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Billy, looking genuinely gutted, shaking his head. He stepped forward off the stool to reach out to her, but she stopped him with her hand. Reluctantly sitting back down again, he said, ‘You shouldn’t have had to go through that on your own.’
‘I didn’t; I had my mum with me,’ she said with only the slightest wobble to her voice.
Billy’s gaze swept over to Tess and he nodded, as though in appreciation. After a few moments pause, he ventured, ‘Would you have told me?’
‘What?’ countered Hannah, her face creasing with disbelief. ‘No, I wouldn’t have told you. The last time I saw you, you said you weren’t interested in me or our baby. As far as I was concerned, you wanted nothing more to do with me. It was a holiday romance; isn’t that what you implied?’
Billy dropped his head into his hands.
‘Yes, I suppose I did, but how wrong could I have been? I messed up, big time, and…’ He lifted his head and locked eyes onto hers.
‘I’ve had time to think it through, and realised, almost immediately, that I wanted to be with you, that I would make a good…
’ His words trailed away, irrelevant now.
‘Look, I’d love it if we could be friends again.
I’m moving over here; I’ve got a house share in Clapham, so I won’t be a million miles away.
I know I’ve got a lot of making up to do, but isn’t it worth a try? ’
Tess sensed that it might be the moment for her to make her excuses and leave the youngsters to chat alone.
‘Look, I’m going to head out in the garden with Barney.
It’s about time for our evening jaunt.’ Out of view of Billy, Tess threw a glance at Hannah, checking that she was happy with the suggestion, and Hannah gave a tight smile, nodding her consent.
It would give them time to talk in private, to air the feelings that Hannah might not want to express in front of her mum.
Tess couldn’t tell how Billy’s impromptu visit was really affecting Hannah because she was putting on a brave face, remaining dispassionate and calm, while she was certain beneath the surface, Hannah would be experiencing a maelstrom of emotions.
Still, in a way, it was good that Billy had turned up because it allowed Hannah to gain some closure from their relationship.
From what Hannah had told her mum, it sounded as though their break-up had been sudden and traumatic, especially when she was so far away from home without her family and support network around her.
Seeing Billy again might bring all those intense feelings to the surface, but it could be part of the healing process, a way to make sense of everything that had happened in Australia, giving Hannah the opportunity to finally move on.
It didn’t stop Tess from feeling anxious as she mooched about the garden with Barney, breathing in the cool night air and absent-mindedly inspecting and watering her plants.
Finally, she went across to the outdoor annexe, opening up the double doors, switching on the low lighting and settling down on the daybed, where Barney immediately jumped up alongside her.
She threw an arm around the dog and stroked his fur, finding his presence calming and therapeutic, as always.
She must have sat there for about an hour, absent-mindedly picking up the magazines from the side table, flicking through them, unable to concentrate long enough to read any of the articles.
She was relieved when Hannah finally appeared, a thoughtful expression on her face, and looked across at her expectantly.
‘Is everything okay?’ she asked.
Hannah nodded. ‘Yes, it’s fine. Billy’s gone now,’ she replied.
‘Right. And you’re sure you’re okay?’
‘Yes.’ Tess could detect the emotion held in her daughter’s body from a distance. ‘Although I could probably do with a hug,’ she said, looking at her mum imploringly.
Tess jumped up and went across to wrap her daughter in her arms, and squeezed her tightly, feeling a surge of love as she pulled her head into her shoulder.
Now was not the time to bombard Hannah with questions.
If Hannah wanted to talk then she knew her mum would always be there to listen, whether that was tonight, tomorrow or sometime in the future, because Tess would always be there for her daughter, to pick up the pieces, whenever she might need her support.