Chapter 20 #2
Tess wouldn’t have expected Rob to act in any other way.
He was a good guy who took his responsibilities seriously, who wouldn’t just walk away without explaining why, and she could sense his regret.
In some ways, it would be easier if she could be angry with him.
If they could have a big bust-up and she could tell him to go, that she never wanted to see him again, but he didn’t deserve that at all.
One thing she knew for certain was that his feelings for her had been genuine, but he had commitments and responsibilities that weighed heavily on him, and she couldn’t blame him for that.
He certainly wouldn’t be finding this easy. ‘There’s no need to feel guilty.’
‘But I do feel guilty,’ he said, lifting his head to lock his intense blue eyes onto hers.
His gaze, the way it ran over her features, had always made her feel special and safe; now it only made her feel sad, knowing she wouldn’t be looking into those gorgeous eyes again.
‘You want to do the right thing by people. That’s a natural instinct for me.
As a father, it was always my role to provide solutions and make things better.
It hurts when you feel as though you’re letting people down. ’
‘It’s okay.’
While she had some sympathy with him, she didn’t want to sit here all night long while he tormented himself over the rights of his decision. He’d made his choice; what more was there to say? They both needed to process what had happened and to be left alone with their thoughts.
‘Really, I do understand, Rob, and it’s absolutely fine, but I think it’s probably best if you leave now.’
‘Ah right, yes.’ He looked around him, dazed, as though Tess’s comment had punctured his train of thought, bringing him back to the moment. He glanced at his glass of wine, which was still half full. ‘I’m sorry, offloading onto you like this; you probably didn’t need to hear all that.’
He stood up, but she couldn’t look at him. Instead, her gaze fell to his feet. What a day it had turned out to be: first Charles and now this. Her emotions were completely wrung out.
‘I should have called you before turning up unexpectedly. I’m sure you must have stuff you need to be getting on with.’
‘Yes,’ she said, nodding. She was barely hanging onto her emotions, but the last thing she wanted was to break down into tears and make the situation any more awkward and uncomfortable than it already was.
Was it necessary to prolong the agony? Why couldn’t Rob read the situation and simply leave?
She turned towards the kitchen, but Rob grabbed her arm and pulled her round.
‘I’ve upset you, haven’t I? I really had no intention of doing that. Was it speaking about Jennifer that did it?’
His proximity, the touch of his hand on her arm, the trace of his aftershave, all conspired to make her feel even more wretched.
It would be so easy to fall into his embrace, and while that was oh-so tempting, knowing that it would provide some much-needed temporary comfort, she knew ultimately, it would only make things worse.
‘You’re not crying, are you?’ he said, pulling her closer so that there was no escape from those searching, mesmerising eyes.
Her body stiffened and she bit on her lip, determined not to react to his touch. She took the deepest breath, anything to stop the tears from flowing.
‘No.’ She shook off his arm. ‘I really don’t know how you expected me to react, Rob. You know I have feelings for you and, to be honest, I was half expecting something like this to happen, but there’s no need for you to worry. I’ll be absolutely fine.’
His brow creased, a familiar small line appearing between his eyebrows, his mouth turning up at one side as he looked totally puzzled, before his expression softened, his eyes beseeching now.
‘Err… something like what to happen?’
‘This. It was great, and I’ll always have fond memories, but I guess…
’ Her voice trailed away as she clapped her hands together in a gesture of finality.
It was time for him to go. She led the way out of the now claustrophobic confines of the orangery, trying to usher Rob out of the cottage as quickly as she could.
The sooner he was gone, the better, but it seemed that he had other ideas.
He stopped, rooted to the spot, one hand on his hip.
Damn, why did he have to look so attractive at a moment like this?
‘Hmmm, I don’t like the sound of that at all. If I didn’t know better, then I might think you were giving me my marching orders. Or have I got the wrong end of the stick entirely? Help me out here, Tess, because I’m struggling.’
‘I’m sorry, perhaps it’s not very mature of me, but in these circumstances, after everything we’ve been through together, I can’t see how you can expect us to remain friends; it simply wouldn’t work. A clean break is much better.’
‘Right, is that so?’ His expression impassive, he strode across the kitchen, placed his hands on the top of her arms and pulled her towards him, kissing her passionately on the lips before she had time to protest. The familiar taste of him lingered on her mouth, causing her to press down hard on her lips to savour the sensation.
Still holding her in his arms, he pulled back to look into her eyes, his gaze unwavering.
‘Now, listen to me: I’m not going anywhere unless you can give me one good reason why you’re giving me a whole string of clichés about why you shouldn’t see me any more. ’
Something about the way he was looking at her, the way he held onto her as though he might never let her go and snatches of their earlier conversation danced in her head. After the events of the last few days, was it any wonder that she was tired, emotional, muddled even?
‘Because you’re…’ It suddenly dawned on her, as the words formed in her head, but it was too late now to backtrack; she was committed to her point. The words left her mouth before she could stop them. ‘You’re getting back with Jennifer…?’
‘What?’ Now he let her go, pushing her away, opening his palms up to the air in a gesture of disbelief. ‘Did I say that?’
She grimaced, every nerve cell on her face and body tingling in embarrassment. She had the beginnings of a migraine coming on.
‘You were talking about your family and feeling guilty and…’ she faltered ‘…doing the right thing by people and…’ Her words trailed away again.
‘Yes, I said all of these things, and they’re all absolutely true, but not once did I mention getting back with Jennifer.’
‘No? Oh God, I am so sorry.’ She put her head into her hands to hide her shame. ‘I’ve got the wrong end of the stick entirely, haven’t I?’
‘Absolutely you have.’ He shook his head, a bemused expression on his face. ‘What I can’t understand is why you would even think that I might be considering something like that, after everything I’ve told you. I thought you knew me better than that.’
‘I thought so too.’ Her mind was a fuzzy mess. ‘I think my insecurities got the better of me,’ she said with an embarrassed smile. ‘When you told me that Jennifer and Jack had split up, I thought it was only a question of time before you two would get back together again.’
‘What…? Has this really been playing on your mind since that day in the pub garden?’
She nodded her silent response.
‘No, that was never the case.’ He shook his head, obviously struggling to understand her train of thought.
‘Despite it probably being an easy option that would make Jennifer and the kids happy, it’s not the right thing.
For any of us. Too much has happened and so much has changed.
I’m not the same person I was a year ago. ’
She nodded again, feeling exposed and desperately stupid that she could have got it quite so wrong.
‘Listen.’ He took hold of her hands in front of him and squeezed them tight. ‘There’s something I need to ask you.’
Her eyes were wide as she nodded her consent.
‘Do you think I can possibly finish my glass of wine now? I really could do with a drink or are you still intent on throwing me out?’
‘No, of course not.’ She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. ‘In fact, let me get you a top-up. It’s the least I can do in the circumstances. Why don’t you stay tonight? I really don’t want you to go now,’ she said imploringly. ‘There’s still so much for us to talk about.’
With them back seated in the orangery, and Barney still firmly on Team Rob, snuggled up as he was with his head on his lap, Tess managed to make room for herself, and edged alongside Rob. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she rested her head on his chest.
‘I’m sorry, again.’
‘Stop apologising.’
‘But I don’t want to be that person who’s needy and suspicious. That’s not who I am, but I guess it’s more difficult than I thought, treading this new path, after such a long marriage.’
‘Look, don’t worry, we’re both finding our way here.
I know who you are and you’re not a jealous person, but don’t let’s make this more difficult than it needs to be.
I would never hurt you, not deliberately at least. What I’ve always loved about our relationship, which was evident from the start, is that it felt very natural, and easy.
As though neither of us were having to try too hard. ’
‘Yes, definitely.’ And that was perhaps why Tess had been distrustful of their relationship, because it had seemed too easy, too good to be true, even.
Mindful of protecting her heart, in case anything went wrong, she had held part of herself back, but she was beginning to realise now that perhaps she didn’t need to.