14. Can We Talk?
Ineed a new definition of ‘fun’ because it’s starting to look a lot like ‘fixation.’ Or crush, or deep like. Over the course of the next few weeks, Stuart and I have ‘fun’ in the sound booth, the backseat of his car, a little-used conference room on the second floor that I’m pretty sure Sylvie and her husband Will have already christened, and the counter of the kitchenette after everybody at The Base has gone home.
We’ve hung out at my house or his apartment at least a few times each week, usually having dinner before we tear each other’s clothes off. I blush at the memory of the ways he used his suspenders on me, with me.
Every time is the new best sex of my life, and I don’t know why I’m surprised anymore. I saw an old man walk down the street yesterday wearing suspenders and I got instantly aroused. Stuart has rearranged my brain cells with the things he does with his hands, his tongue, and his cock. And the rub of it is, he’s still the happy, slightly goofy, eager Stuart that he’s always been, but there’s not one single thing annoying about him anymore.
This morning I’m sitting with Joanie as we discuss her audiobook schedule, but I can’t focus. Stuart is getting a new member settled in and I hear, “You watch Star Trek? I love...” Sudden and cold fury shocks the hell out of me. “...Star Trek too.”
“Oh, I don’t like angry Meredith face,” Joanie whispers to herself. I shoot up out of my chair and walk over to Stuart and the new member. Okay, maybe I stomp a little. Ora lot.
I hold my hand out to her. She’s gorgeous, and I start to sweat. “Hey, welcome to The Base. I’m Meredith.” I give her the best smile I can muster because none of these unfamiliar feelings are her fault. I’m sure she’s perfectly lovely.
“Hi, Meredith. I’m Ivy.”
“I love Star Trek, too,” I blurt out, and I can’t blame Stuart for the look he gives me. His mouth drops open a little and his eyebrows shoot up. Poor thing looks so confused. Join the club, lover.
“Um, cool.” Ivy’s smile turns questioning. “You’re a member here?” Bless her heart for wanting to keep talking to me.
Stuart straightens. “Meredith’s the in-house sound engineer. She helps all of us with whatever audio needs we have.” He gestures to Joanie. “Like audiobooks and podcasts.”
Ivy’s eyes light up. “My brother’s a sound engineer too. He went to school up in San Francisco...maybe you know him? Ash Lowenstein?”
“Yeah, I know Ash,” I say with a fond smile. The local audio engineer community is small and there’s only a couple of schools in this part of California, so of course I know her brother. “He’s a great guy. We helped each other out on a couple school projects.” I relax into my conversation with Ivy. Turns out she’s trying to start a software consulting business and just moved to Wavecrest.
During the whole conversation Stuart stands there staring at me. I can feel the heat of his eyes on the side of my face. I glance at him and am surprised to see his face a little pinched, his forehead wrinkled in thought. I hope he’s not spraining anything.
I sit back down to finish up my informal meeting with Joanie while Stuart shows Ivy the rest of The Base. “Fascinating,” Joanie says while scribbling in a notebook. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a conspiracy wall somewhere with pictures of Base members and red string connecting us all.
And because I’m feeling a little salty I ask, “Does Colin get his own notebook?” The man in question has his headphones on and is looking intently at his laptop screen. Joanie’s cheeks instantly go flame red.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she splutters.
“Sure.” I pat her arm and her expression turns murderous.
“Watch it, or I’ll turn you into one of my villains.”
“You don’t write villains.”
“Ah ha! I knew it. You do read my stuff.”
“Yeah, sure, and I can’t wait to read the one featuring Colin.”
She growls at me, and it’s possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
A few minutes later, I’m about to walk upstairs when a hand gently grabs my elbow, and Stuart pulls me down the hallway leading to the storage closet.
He locks the door behind us. “Little early in the day, but I’m game.” I unbutton my jeans with one hand and reach for the stash of condoms we hid behind the stacks of Post-its with the other.
Stuarts starts kissing my neck, his purring hum resonating deep in my chest. “Who’s Ash?” he murmurs before blowing a tiny raspberry into my skin. It tickles.
“Ivy’s brother. Weren’t you listening?” Fucking with him is my favorite pastime. He nips my neck and I yelp.
“Brat,” he says. He shoves his hand down the back of my pants and squeezes my ass. Hard. I don’t hate it.
“Are you jealous?” I laugh because it’s a ridiculous thought. His arms squeeze me a little tighter, but he doesn’t lift his head from my shoulder. “Wait, are you?” I give him a little shove.
There’s no smile on his face and the deep furrow between his eyebrows is new. “Maybe.” He plays it off with a shrug. “No more than you were. What was that about you loving Star Trek too?”
“Yeah, but you’re usually Mr. Nothing Bothers Me. Everything bothers me.”
He pulls back suddenly. “Wait, does that bug you? I mean, I know I’m not broody like one of Joanie’s heroes, and I’ve never read Dostoevsky.” He looks so unsure about himself, and I hate it. Did I do that to him?
Something uncomfortable squeezes in my chest, and all I can do is stare at him. He has to know how much I like how uncomplicated and golden retriever-like he is.
You more than like it, Meredith. Shit.
I open my mouth to tell him, but there’s a knock at the door.
“Stuart? You in there? I think I broke the microwave,” Mars says from the other side of the door.
“Be right there,” Stuart calls out, but his eyes say We have things to talk about. Fear slices through me as I zip my pants and smooth down my hair. I squeeze his forearm for a moment, hoping he knows I’m in this with him.
Later that night, I knock on Meredith’s door. I glance down at her “Go away” welcome mat and smile. She’s not expecting me, but I couldn’t get the conversation in the storage closet out of my head.
She opens the door with a gasp. “I hoped it was you.” She blushes and clamps her mouth shut, like she didn’t mean to be so forthcoming.
“You’re not too old for me.” That’s not how I wanted to start this conversation.
“Excuse me?” Her head tilts down and she looks at me with an expression that says I might murder you.
“Sorry, I mean, I’m not too young for you. And I’m the perfect amount of deep, thank you very much. I know you think about these things, so I want us to get it all out in the open. And I think we should date. Not just rip each other’s clothes off on the regular.” Why did I even bother rehearsing a speech on the way over here?
She stands there, gaping at me, her plump lips parted in what looks like confusion.
“Can I come in so I can tell you all the reasons I think you’re wonderful and perfect?” She snorts and shakes her head, but takes a step back to let me in. Her eyes flick to my suspenders, and I know exactly what she’s thinking. But the fun times will have to wait. I’m not willing to put this discussion off any longer.
The house smells like her. Darkly floral and filled with all things Meredith. Pictures of her nieces, her parents, and sister. Graffiti-style artwork on one wall and framed album covers on another. A schematic of the inner workings of a microphone hangs by the front door.
“Okay. All right. You can do this, Meredith,” she mutters to herself. I don’t know what she’s so nervous about—I’m the one about to open a vein. I sit on the couch, the one where we fell asleep all those weeks ago. We’ve had sex on it plenty of times, or maybe not enough, but it’s that first night where I woke up under her that plays on repeat.
“Come sit.” I pat the cushion next to me. She chooses to sit on the opposite end. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong,” I gesture at the front door, “but today made me realize that we should probably have a relationship check-in.”
“Relationship,” she repeats on a whoosh of a breath. Her hands twist in her lap, and she bites her lip, but her gaze is steady. A small ember of hope flares in my chest.
“You’re not seeing anybody else.” She nods. “I’m not seeing anybody else, and I don’t want to.” Her face softens and her hands still. “Mugs, sweetheart, I know Aiden did a number on you, and maybe our timing is all wrong, but I really want to date you. Maybe someday call you mine and have you call me yours. That day doesn’t have to be today, but I want you to know that’s what I’m working towards.”
She scoots forward and runs a finger under my suspenders. It’s become one of her favorite fidgets. “Okay,” she breathes out, like she’s been holding onto that one word for ages.
“Okay? Can you give me more words than that?” I rest one arm across the back of the couch, so close to toying with the ends of her hair.
She licks her lips, and my body heats, but now’s not the time. “I think...I think I can see things evolving. Some day. Soon. With you.” This might be Meredith’s version of a grand gesture, but I’m in so deep with her that I’ll take what I can get.
I draw my fingertip across her cheek until she looks at me. “I know I’m not perfect, Mugs. Maybe I’m too annoying, or too eager.” She starts shaking her head even before I’m done talking. “But I think we fit. I know we fit.”
“Holy hell, you’re intense and I kind of love it.” The way she looks at me, like I just handed her a puppy, makes my heart knock against my ribs.
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it because being serious gives me a stomachache.” I give her a quick peck on the lips and pull back before she can respond. “So if we’re labeling this thing...” I motion between us.
“We’re in a relationship, we’ll see how it goes, and we’re exclusive. No Ivy’s or Ash’s.”
“I don’t know, they seem like really great people—” A laugh bursts out before I can finish the thought. She smacks my chest and crawls on my lap. Her face turns serious when she sets her hands on my cheeks, stroking with her thumbs.
“You’re not wrong, you know,” she says quietly. “We do fit.” She tilts her hips against my growing erection. “And I really appreciate how eager you are.”
“Stuart, please. More. God, more.” As he rocks into me, my head bumps against the pillow he placed between me and the headboard of my bed. Goosebumps cover my body, and every nerve ending feels exposed. A scream has been building in my chest since he rolled on the condom and thrust into me.
But every time I’m close to going over the edge, he pulls back, slows down, dragging his cock out of me until he hovers at my entrance. And when I try to get myself off using my fingers, he smacks my hand away. This must be as much torture for him as it is for me, if the set of his jaw is anything to go by. But if Stuart’s anything, it’s determined.
“Look at you, Meredith. So beautiful, like a dream.” He drags his warm hand down the center of my chest and then back up to lavish attention on my breasts. He pinches my nipple, rolls it between his fingers, and I have to grit my teeth to keep from begging him to keep fucking me.
But he’s a mind reader, because he thrusts back in and sucks my peaked nipple into his mouth. “Please, I need to come.”
“Tell me I’m a good boy, and I might let you come.”
“You’re the best boy. So good. A good boy,” I babble. Because he is. He’s the absolute best at making me feel wanted. His thrusts speed up, then he grabs my hand and brings it down to where he moves in and out of me. Wet and filthy, the connection pushes me closer to the cliff’s edge.
“Help me,” he commands, guiding our joined hands to my clit. One touch, one rough caress, and I come with a throat-shredding scream. Every muscle in my body locks up, but I don’t look away from Stuart’s face. A face that I see every time I close my eyes.
He looks at me like I’m his favorite thing in the world, and then he throws his head back and lets go. He loses his rhythm as I keep squeezing around him and his breath comes out in ragged bursts. He’s beautiful when he comes.
Every time with Stuart is mind blowing, but there’s something new between us now. Something that’s becoming solid, like curing concrete. It binds us together, and it scares me a little, but my heart has never beat harder for anyone.
Thin morning lightslides into my bedroom. I wake up on my stomach, naked and happily sore. There’s a warm weight on the base of my spine and a hand on my ass. Stuart’s head rests on me, just above my butt, where I can feel his snores. He’s curled into a ball, tucked against me. Something tingly and tight forms in my throat. I resolved to never cry over a man again, but this is different.
I’d be an idiot to keep fighting whatever this is between us. Stuart’s like if a unicorn and a puppy got together and formed a human, but he’s more complex than I first thought. I was wrong to write him off and keep him at arm’s length when we met. I missed out on so much time. I sniffle, the pressure behind my eyes too great.
Stuart’s arm moves, but not before he squeezes my ass. He tightens his hold on me, taking a deep breath in. “I got you,” he whispers into my skin. I fall asleep again with hopes that he keeps using me as a pillow.