16. How Do You Feel About Me?
The only way to top Staff Meeting Wednesdays is Editing Stuart’s Podcast Thursdays. He wrapped up the final episode of his first season last night, and all it needs is a little polishing. I’m a tiny bit sad that he’ll be taking a few weeks off between seasons, but he needs the mental break, and I can always listen to his show on repeat. Or even better, have him whisper filthy things in my ear every night.
He managed to find three sponsors already, and his subscribers are growing with every episode. When he got his second sponsor our celebration went from champagne and dinner to late-night acrobatics on my kitchen floor involving sprinkles and whipped cream. My face turns flaming hot at the memory, and I take a moment to breathe.
I readjust the headphones on my head, thinking about how to edit together the separate interviews he did with his mom Caroline, and her cousin Katie, who is an only child raised by two moms.
I press play, ready to do some splicing and editing.
Stuart: After the twins were born, what kind of changes did you see in your three older boys?
Caroline: Honestly, I was so tired after the twins, I let your brothers go a little feral. I figured Wesley was levelheaded enough to keep the other two in check. And if not, we had good health insurance.
Stuart, laughing: So it wasn’t a conscious decision or you and dad subscribing to the Free-Range Child philosophy?
Caroline: Hell no. Absolutely zero decisions were being made at that point.
There’s a pause in their conversation. I think this is the point in the recording where I took a break to go to the restroom.
Caroline, whispering: She’s adorable. When are you going to bring her to dinner?
Stuart: She’s beautiful, and never. I love her too much to subject her to the full Smyth chaos tornado.
Caroline: Fine, if you’re not going to ask her, I will. I might like her better than I like Mason, and he was the quickest labor.
Stuart: Mom...
Holy sushi, did he say what I think he said? I rip the headphones off but quickly put them back on, my heart pounding so hard I have to turn the volume up.
I love her too much...
I rewind it again and again. A frantic giggle rips out of my throat. The headphones land on my desk with a clatter as I launch myself out of my chair, out the door, and down the stairs.
The Base is packed—it’s just after lunchtime on a Thursday. I spot Stuart’s magnificent ass first, where he stands in Sylvie’s doorway talking about something probably mundane. I pop my head around the other side of the doorway. “Sorry, Sylvie, I need to borrow him for a second. Okaythanksbye.” She blinks at me. Stuart blinks at me. Everybody’s blinking at me.
I grab his elbow and drag him upstairs. He stumbles after me, not resisting when I steer him around corners and through doorways. I shove him in the sound booth and shut the door after us.
He starts toeing his shoes off, but I press him against the far wall, accidentally knocking a pair of headphones to the ground. “You aren’t going to invite me to dinner at your family’s house?”
His eyebrows draw together in confusion. “What?”
I change tactics. “I was editing your mom’s interview...” Now his eyebrows head in a whole new direction. “And I heard something very, very interesting.” His throat moves with a thick swallow, and he parts his lips to say something but nothing comes out. That must be a first in the history of firsts.
“Did you mean it?” My voice shakes but I don’t let him go. I wrap my hands around his suspenders, one of their favorite places to be.
He stands up straighter, wrapping his own hands around mine. “Of course I fucking meant it. I love you, probably since the first time you snarled at me.” Pure, unfettered happiness tumbles through me. My vision blurs a little, but I manage to keep myself under control.
I huff out a laugh, then sniffle. “I don’t snarl.” I do, but whatever. “So were you ever going to tell me, or is your mom the only one privy to this information?”
“Come over tonight and I’ll do more than tell you.” I still have him pressed against the wall, but he ducks his head to try to capture a kiss. I pull back.
“Tell me now. Use lots of words.”
A huge grin splits his face, and my knees go a little weak. “You’re the boss.” I love that he thinks so. “Meredith, sweetheart who’s not sweet at all,” he begins. His chest rumbles with laughter when I scowl at him.
“Well, that is a fine start.”
“You’re making me do all the work here. I’m about to spill my guts—what do I get in return?”
“Depends on how good the speech is.” I nip his earlobe, and he lets out a little growl.
“Meredith, sweetheart,” he begins again, but the smile has dropped off his face. It’s replaced with a deep, warm look in his eyes, and I can’t catch my breath. “I love you because you’re you. Because you’re passionate and smart and strong and so fucking sexy that I might’ve chafed myself before we got together. I love that you don’t take anybody’s shit, that you hold people to high standards. Not a day goes by where I don’t want to kiss that furrow between your eyebrows or bury my face in your neck. Or pussy...whichever is more context appropriate. And I don’t ever see that changing. I love you because you let me love you.”
I sigh. He’s perfect, and I don’t think I’ve ever told him how perfect he is.
“That was a really good speech.” I try to swallow past the lump in my throat.
“Your turn. Leave nothing out.” He nuzzles his nose against mine and the sweetness of it brings a tingle to the bridge of my nose. He gently brushes his thumbs across my cheeks. Always gently.
“I love you because you’re Stuart Sunshine on the Worst Day Smyth. And I’m sorry that I was too much of a hard-ass to let you in at first. I love that you know who you are, and you’ve never tried to change. I love that you want to protect me from the chaos tornado of your family even though you don’t need to. I love that you take care of the people around you and that you love literally everyone and everything. But lord how I love that you love me.” I can barely get the words out past the tears threatening to spill.
“Ten out of ten. No notes,” he whispers against my lips, then kisses me like I’m his next breath.