Chapter 2 #5
Ledge paused and bobbed his head before lowering it humbly.
He brought his eyes back up, and there was a glimpse of something inside him that took me back to one of my first memories of him.
He was a little scrawny nigga when we were coming up.
Back then, he was hungry as fuck. He was living in the hood, and whenever he came to visit me, he was always in awe of how we lived.
One summer, he practically lived with us, but my pops was on some bullshit with his midnight-hour antics, so Karrin thought it was best that he visited and didn’t stay over.
He didn’t have that vulnerability all the time, so I knew that there was something on his mind.
“For the longest time, I didn’t feel like I had family.
” He swallowed the rest of his drink. “I was seven years old when I saw them take my mama and brother and sister. Being powerless like that was something I told myself I would never be again. I knew then that I wanted to be a killer though.” He sniffled, fighting off the emotions raining down on him.
Our eyes connected across the table. Crazy how our thoughts tonight almost mirrored one another. I had heard this story once or twice from him.
“Like most people know they want to be a doctor or a lawyer or some shit. This life… it’s where I felt comfortable.
I had the fucking power. I never thought about getting out.
I didn’t think you did either until you met Ivana.
Then she was gone, and you seemed like you was content with this shit.
In this life, it seem like the only ones to survive are the savages.
My family didn’t deserve that shit. I saw Ivy and Harbor in that situation, and it was like a trigger switch.
” He sparked his blunt and took a deep inhale.
“I get it now. You and Harbor. I didn’t see it before, but she made it clear. The way she protected Ivy… I knew that she wouldn’t do no shit like that if she didn’t care. So… a nigga was wrong about her.”
I sat back taking him in. I knew when Ledge was full of shit and when he was on some real shit. He was being genuine, and I could appreciate that.
“She still got a slick ass mouth though, and she full of fucking attitude. No wonder her and Chevy get along so fucking well.”
Chuckling, I narrowed my eyes at him.
“So what happened with Kitana and the kids?”
“Bitch was crazy. She clipped Rahim right outside the house, gave Chevy’s grandma a fucking concussion, and thought she was about to get away with two mil from me.
I sent the crew to go clean up and get rid of her.
The cops are sniffing around Chevy, so now I’m trying to figure this shit out.
They got Amber Alerts out and every fucking thing. ”
“Tell ’em she left them at the laundromat. Call Ty and let her know the story so she can be a witness. Tell her I’ll take care of her. As far as they fucking know, Kitana got cold feet and left town.” I broke down to him. “As long as the kids are good, that’s all that matters.”
“Yeah. I don’t think me and Chev gon’ make it. I can’t do shit right with her, and she got every right not to fuck with me. That’s the fucked-up part about it. A nigga just gotta eat that.”
“Work on yourself, bro. Get some fucking therapy if you need it. If it’s meant to be with you and Chevy, it will be. Just… don’t be out here on no stupid shit. Take care of the kids, keep your word, help her out. Show her, don’t just tell her,” I advised.
“And what about you and Ivana?” Ledge queried.
“Psssh, honestly, whatever was there, shit feels nonexistent now. And I can’t trust her after spending all that time with Arrow.
She actually cried and tried to come at me when his bitch ass went down.
” I moved my head back and forth again. “I got Harbor, Ivy, and a new baby on the way. I can’t let her fuck my head up.
I need to find out what her motives are and if she’s safe to even let go right now. ”
“And what if she’s not?” he questioned.
I didn’t want to think about that. She just came back.
How could I be the one to send her to a grave for real this time?
Could I look my daughter in the face after that?
Would I be able to live with myself? All these thoughts bounced around while I considered every option.
Talk about some fucking finesse; this situation was going to need more than that.
Harbor
I tossed and turned most of the night. Not only was I big as hell, but my baby seemed to be restless too.
I lay there with the lamp on beside the bed with a book in my hand.
Skimming through a catalog to take some additional college courses in the fall, I tried to figure out if there were any other courses that I was interested in.
Dancing had taken a back burner because of the baby and everything else going on.
I still loved to do it, but right now, I was too tired to dedicate myself to a regular schedule.
I was coaching Ivy and making sure she stuck to hers though.
The thought of Ivana not far, tucked inside the very room that held me not long ago, also kept me alert.
I even got up to go and check on Ivy, only to find her sleeping peacefully in her bed, mouth open, and snoring.
I watched her for a few, smiling to myself before I left the room and got back in bed.
It was late, and I was hungry. I really wanted one of Celine’s cheesecakes right now, but she had been MIA and wasn’t even answering her phone.
She didn’t even know I was pregnant, and I was having abandonment issues again.
Finally, I dozed off, and not long after that, I felt the bed shift. Frequency was back. I turned, facing him, but keeping my body in the bed. He rested on his back, eyes on the ceiling, smelling like his bodywash. He must have already showered and I slept through it.
“Everything okay?” I asked, resting a hand on his chest gently.
Slowly, his head rolled over the pillow in my direction.
“Yeah. Just been a long day,” he answered, and I scooted closer to him.
He tossed an arm around me and kissed my forehead lovingly.
“It has. I got a feeling tomorrow will be exciting as well. You ready for that?”
“Not really, but I know it has to be done. Get some rest,” he insisted, his other hand resting on my bulging stomach that pressed into his hard abdomen.
I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to carry me away. I didn’t know what the next day would bring, and that left me wide open. The next morning when I stirred, the bed was empty. Yawning, my baby kicked in greeting, and I winced slightly because he or she was getting stronger with every day.
“Ow!” I groaned, rubbing where he or she kicked.
“What happened?” Frequency darted from the bathroom, alert with his pistol in hand.
He looked crazy and sexy in his pajama bottoms with his big, square-cut chest all chiseled. I struggled to sit up, keeping my arms behind me to prop me up. Snickering, I shook my head .
“Nothing. Our baby was saying good morning and pressing on my damn bladder.” I tossed the covers aside. “It would be nice not to cook breakfast this morning. But… since Celine isn’t here—”
“Harbor.” He shut down and turned to go back to the bathroom with me waddling behind him.
“What happened to her? Why isn’t she here? She loves you and Ivy,” I pressed.
He was keeping something from me, and I didn’t like it.
When he turned on me in that moment, there was something else behind his eyes.
This darkened glare that I had only seen once resided there.
That night he caught me lurking through the halls and pulled a gun on me.
It was as if a light switch had been flicked off.
“I’m not about to discuss this with you.
Not now. I can’t. She’s gone, and that’s all the fuck you need to know.
If you need a new cook or housekeeper, then I understand that.
This is a big house; you’re pregnant as fuck and due soon.
So I can reach out to a few services and screen some people, a’ight?
” His demeanor had calmed down, but he was still rigid as hell.
My eyes never wavered from his, but he wasn’t backing down. Frequency had a brick wall up, and that alarmed me because he had been an open book so far. There was something that he wasn’t telling me.
“Whatever you say,” I grumbled, stomping past him so that I could pee.
He reached out, trying to coddle me and shit, but I wasn’t feeling him. “Don’t touch me right now, Free.”
“Harbor—”
“No. We both know you’re keeping something from me. With everything that has gone on, I thought that you understood by now what trust means to me and to this relationship.”
“This ain’t about trust!” he belted, high wired.
“This is about some shit that I’m not ready to talk about.
Me! I stood there and murked my own fucking father for some shit I thought he did.
Turns out, I had every reason to hate him.
My family doesn’t know. I don’t even know what to tell them.
Kara is about to be out of rehab soon. I don’t want anything setting her back.
Karmine, he’s unpredictable. And on top of all that… Celine isn’t who I thought she was.”
“What does that mean?” I was confused and still had to fucking pee.
“It means she went against the grain. She’s out. I’ll find someone else around here. I gotta get dressed.” With those words, he was gone.
I stood there blinking back tears while wondering what the hell had happened.
The sound of him rustling around in his closet angrily forced me toward the door.
I could hear him moving the clothes around as he sifted through them, and I slammed the door shut so hard it shook the nearby walls.
I went to pee and then stripped out of my clothes to shower.