Chapter 2 #7
“You aren’t the only one. Ivy was shocked. Hell, I was floored, and so was Free. I don’t know what to say or do. And she’s not exactly friendly. It’s taking everything not to jut flip the fuck out right now. This baby is coming soon.” Just the thought of it all was beginning to exhaust me.
“Girl, too bad you can’t pop a damn Xanax, because that shit is crazy over there,” Chevy concluded.
“What about you? What are you going to do about you and Ledge?”
“I think I just need to take some time and space. Try to figure some things out. Right now, it’s all too much. I need to reevaluate my life,” she huffed and turned to the stove.
I felt her on that. I didn’t want to second-guess Free or my position; I knew that feelings could change.
He could look up one day at Ivana and not hold anger or resentment, and then where did that leave me and our child?
I wanted to scream, cry, or break some shit.
More than anything, I wanted Celine to vent to.
She always gave me clarity, even when she didn’t know it.
I missed and needed that right now more than I cared to admit.
Doubt was creeping in, and I didn’t want to allow that to consume me.
* * *
Later that day…
I was in what was eventually going to be the nursery for our little bundle of joy.
The walls were a mint green, neutral, just in case.
There was a crib, changing table, and rocking chair so far.
A few blankets and bedding had been chosen, but that was pretty much it.
We didn’t have enough friends to throw a baby shower.
I didn’t want to make it some big event with a bunch of business associates.
It should be more personal, and unfortunately, there weren’t many of those kind of people in either of our lives.
There was a light tap on the door, and Ivy was there with her hands behind her back.
She hovered there, staring in at me as I stocked diapers in the cabinet below the changing table.
Her big brown eyes canvassed the room before she took a couple of steps inside.
“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”
“I know.” She shrugged, so detached and melancholy.
I was seated on the floor surrounded by diapers from newborn sizes and up to at least size four.
“I just wanted to check on you and the baby.” She dropped down beside me and finally revealed what she had been keeping behind her back.
A small photo album was in her hand, and she held it out to me.
“I put this together. I know it might be kind of lame—”
She was talking, but I got lost in the selfies that filled the pages.
They were of me and her, her and her daddy, and a few with Celine.
When I got to the last page, my heart skipped a beat.
It was the three of us. I didn’t recall her taking it because I was passed out against Free’s shoulder in the living room.
We had been watching a movie together. It was actually the last picture we had all taken.
Tears welled in my eyes, and I had to fight myself so that they didn’t come pouring out of me.
“It’s definitely not lame,” I assured her. “I love it.”
“I thought the baby might like a few before pictures. There are pages left to fill the rest of it for when they get here.”
“That is so sweet,” I gushed, and she turned her nose up.
“You aren’t going to cry, are you?”
“I am pregnant. It happens,” I replied, laughing.
“Well, I’m glad you like it.” She was so fixated on the carpet that I had to wonder if something else was on her mind.
“You got something else you came up here to talk about?” I asked, and her head snapped up in my direction.
“It just doesn’t seem real. She’s here, alive and breathing. She walks and sounds just like my mama did, but… it’s something else. Something is different. I don’t know if it’s her that’s not the same or me.” I admired Ivy so much.
She had to be one of the deepest, mature young girls I had ever met.
The level that she looked at life on was beyond her years.
The more I got to know her, the more layers to her I unveiled, and I loved every one of them.
She had imprinted on a piece of my heart, and there wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her.
I reached for her hand and held it in mine.
Our eyes connected, and I could see that she was struggling with this confusion.
“Hey, you have a right to feel whatever you are feeling. She’s your mother, you love her, and I am sure she loves you.
Time has passed, but that doesn’t change that.
I can guarantee that because of how I feel carrying this little baby.
Take your time, don’t force anything, and if something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah.” Ivy nodded and sniveled a little.
She was always trying to play so tough like she didn’t need anybody.
I loved her fierceness, but she had to be safe somewhere.
She had to have that person that she could rant to and release all of her frustrations with.
Every now and then, life got the best of all of us, and everyone deserved a safe place.
“I am not going anywhere. No matter what happens,” I insisted.
The sound of the doorbell chiming throughout the house alerted us both.
“Where is your daddy and Ivana?”
“In the kitchen talking. He told me to give them a minute. I’ll go get the door.” She hopped up to go, and I struggled to get on my feet after stuffing the last of the diapers in the cabinet.
I set the photo book on the side table near the rocker, and someone clearing their throat jarred my attention to the doorway.
Ledge stood there, and he carried a big box with storks on the wrapping paper and a white bow tied around it.
I was alarmed, and he hovered like he didn’t know what to do next. His dark eyes bounced around the room.
“Ledge,” I greeted him.
“I, uh… I got you something. For the baby,” he blurted out.
He was wound so tight, and all I could do was laugh on the inside. Lowering the box in his arms, he acknowledged me from across the room. Clearly, he wasn’t good at whatever this was he was doing.
“You got something for the baby?” I prodded, lifting both brows questionably.
“Yeah.” He set the box on the floor and took a deep breath.
I watched him stuff his hands nervously into his pockets while lowering his eyes to the ground.
When he brought them back up, it was different.
Something defenseless rested there now. Usually, he regarded me with a blank stare, almost like he didn’t see me, or was it that he didn’t want me to see him?
Whatever the reason, that barrier was gone now, and he was wide open.
“I just wanted to apologize.”
Utter disbelief came out in a surprised grunt while I slipped back into the table behind me. This dark, shadow-filled man who had taken me against my will and brought me here was remorseful. I never thought I would see the fucking day.
“Is this a prank?” I squinted, looking about the room for a camera or something.
“Nah. I ain’t good at this shit either.” He swiped the top of his head with his hand and kicked one of his feet while keeping his eyes on the ground.
“Good at what?” I tested him, tucking my arms across my chest.
“I don’t like giving nobody a chance to fuck me over.
I thought Free was crazy as hell for keeping you around.
I told him that… too many fucking times.
The only person in the world who ever gave a damn about me outside of my family was him.
Before Chevy or anybody else. It ain’t easy to let anybody close to me, a’ight?
Putting my trust in you after what I did to you—” He shook his head.
“I wouldn’t be able to do it. Not after everything.
But… I saw it last night. When you did what you did for Ivy and looked out for D.
I guess I finally saw what everybody else been seeing.
I don’t know how the fuck you do it in this cold ass world, but you got a light in you. ”
“Hmm, if the sky fucking falls, I blame you.” I snickered, and he chuckled with me, tipping his toes forward a bit while bowing his head. This was a different side to him. “What did you bring?” I went for the box, kneeling over and removing the big lid.
“Oh, some baby gangsta shit. The Jordan footie collection, some onesies, and bibs. The kid gon’ be fresh as fuck,” he said, amped up as he watched me pull items out and look at them. He had taste; the shit was fly as fuck.
“Is this…” I lifted out a binky set and the attachment that hooked onto baby’s clothes was a gold link chain.
Snickering, I shook my head and looked up into his amused face. He was cheesing too hard.
“A gold binky link. Shit is fly, right?” He was serious as he reached for it in my hand and held it up. I couldn’t help but continue to laugh at him.
“Well, thank you.” I tossed the items back into the box.
“So… um, how are you doing? I know Ivana is back.”
“Yeah, and… I am dealing. I can’t fall apart now,” I muttered.
“I’m sure people would understand if you did,” Ledge commenced.
“Nah, I’m good,” I insisted, replacing the lid to the box and standing back up straight.
“On some real shit, just so you know, she is his past. I can’t speak for him, only on what I know. I ain’t never seen him with anybody the way that he is with you, not even her,” Ledge admitted.
Oddly enough, his answer was almost comforting to me. I didn’t know how to take this version of him though, so I was still cautious.
“After all this time, I never expected to be standing here having a conversation with you, but… maybe there is something underneath that hard shell after all. It has to be if Chevy loves you,” I teased, making a boyish simper flash across his face.
“Yeah, she loves the good in me. Even when she can’t see it,” he admitted. “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.” He backed out of the room, and I watched after him for a minute before calling out to him.
“Thanks for the gifts.”