Epilogue
I‘d only been in Morocco a little over a month with the twins, and although we were settled, it didn’t quite feel like home.
We were oceans away from everyone that cared about us, and the reality of that hit today harder than any other.
With a perfectly beat face and my dance costume practically stitched to me, I examined my reflection in the mirror of the dressing room.
The colors were bold, and the design was sexy and sleek.
I resembled one of those many dancers that put on shows for royalty, and that’s exactly what this show was for.
The American Dance School opened here about a year ago, and although they were new, the reviews on their productions were always well received.
I could recall how excited I was when I found out that they had accepted me.
I never dreamed of actually living in Africa.
When you hear the stories of what it’s like over here, they always made it seem like everyone lived in poverty.
That was the first myth I found to be highly unfounded.
The estates and land here were grand. Everything was big and beautiful.
When the Bible talks about streets paved in gold and paradise, I imagine Africa was what God had in mind.
Not only was it beautiful, but I felt wholeheartedly emerged into the land.
We were home in a sense. I felt the gap of the missing pieces though.
Frequency FaceTimed with Ivy all the time, and Celine and I also spoke.
Chevy made sure to keep in touch as well.
She and Knowledge finally tied the knot, and I was ecstatic for them.
Ironically, Ledge turned into one of those people in life that I knew I could call if my back was against the wall.
Him nearly losing his life gave him an epiphany.
From what I knew, both he and Frequency had taken a step back from their professions.
I was glad that he and Chevy could get it together and made it work with each other and their kids.
At least there was hope in one of our relationships.
The news of Harmonie’s demise was a bit disturbing, and I knew that my father took the blame, even though he wasn’t the reason she was dead.
Harmonie was her own worst enemy. I still couldn’t believe that Lock was the one that took her life.
Alba had disappeared, and it wasn’t for me to concern myself with.
I loved my sister, but in the end, it was clear she was beyond redemption.
When I dealt with the father of my children now, there was this distance between us far beyond the ocean separating us.
He and I had grown so close over time that this aching hole had been left inside me where he used to reside.
Nothing was there now. Incomplete was the only way that I could describe it.
We spoke about the kids, but that was typically it. He was cold and short with me.
When I left, there was this impression that I would have my fill of the world and come running back to him.
I was enjoying my independence. Being a single mother had its challenges, but overall, I was rocking that shit.
I did miss him, but other than the times we discussed the kids, he seemed distracted.
I was starting to wonder if he had someone on the side he was seeing and that was why he had been distant with me recently.
The way he talked, he would wait forever, but maybe his impatience had gotten the best of him.
My pride wouldn’t allow me to run back to him after everything.
Three taps at my dressing room door got my attention. Spinning in the ballet shoes I wore, I waited for a face to appear. Adele, the choreographer, was there beaming in at me.
“Harbor, we have about ten minutes until showtime.” she told me.
“Okay. Thanks for letting me know.” I sighed, and she bowed her head and ducked out of the room.
This was my first performance. My stomach was in serious knots, at least the size of golf balls, and they continued to bounce around like someone was playing a game of ping pong.
I took a sip from my bottled water and nervously paced the room.
Shaking my hands at my side from the sweat, my phone suddenly buzzed.
Snatching it off the dressing room counter, right beside all the makeup that had been applied, I studied the screen. It was Celine FaceTiming me.
“Hey,” I greeted her, lowering myself down into the spinning chair at the station.
“Hi! How are things?” Her bright eyes danced with excitement for me.
“I am so nervous right now. This is the first time I have ever performed in front of anyone. What made me think that I could do this?” I dropped my head into my hands, and a slow breath escaped.
“Hmm, well, I believe in you. We all do. We all know what you are capable of, Harbor. You are one of the strongest, most-resilient people that I know. You can do this. Look at how far you’ve come.”
“I honestly don’t feel that confidence. Something is missing,” I confessed, feeling the tears choking me, suffocating me, depriving me of all oxygen.
“Something or someone?” She hinted gently, squinting at me with concern.
I didn’t respond, and my heart leapt into my throat.
I could practically feel it pumping away, making it thud in my ears loudly as I tried to pull myself together.
Falling back in the chair, I released a saddened sigh.
I was feeling some kind of way about it all.
Nothing was the same, and I had no idea when it would feel right again.
“All this time, it felt like I was doing the right thing. Coming here, doing what I love. Don’t get me wrong; I love it here.
It’s beautiful. The twins are in a great daycare with very attentive workers that read to them and sing.
It’s pretty magical. But I get these quiet nights alone, and my mind can’t help but wander.
I think about Ivy all the time.” Tears stung my eyes, and Celine’s filled with empathy as she tilted her head to one side.
“And Free, suddenly he’s acting like he’s just okay with this.
He said he loved me and I had his heart, but he barely talks to me.
What is going on with him?” Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was almost that time.
“I have to go.” I released a heavy breath.
“I have a feeling that everything will become clear to you soon, sweetheart. I’ll be watching the live stream link you sent. Break a leg,” Celine gushed proudly.
“Thanks.” I grinned. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yes, you will.”
We hung up, and I inspected my reflection one last time.
This was it. I’d been busting my ass in rehearsals for months.
We were an American school on different land, so the institution wanted to make a splash.
I’d been working on my routine and giving our choreographer ideas, which were being incorporated into the dance.
I did the steps in my head for reassurance while pacing with sweaty palms. My pulse raced like I had taken an enhancer when, really, it was just bad nerves.
Legs like two tons of concrete, I padded down the hallway of the backstage area to meet up with the rest of the girls.
Not sure if it was me or my fucking nerves that had them all side-eyeing me crazily, I made my way to the front of the line.
Rolling my neck to work out any residual kinks, I brought my head to the sky, eyes on the ceiling.
A silent prayer recited in my head, and I shook off any bad vibes that tried to take hold of me.
I could hear the announcer on stage presenting, and the rest of my mind went blank.
It was time. We stepped out onto the darkened stage and got into position.
The beat for Brandy’s “Love Again” faded in, and so did the lights. The first lyrics greeted our ears.
I wake from my slumber
I wish I could call you up
Miss how you put your love on me
I didn’t know about anyone else, but the music captivated me, seeping into every crevice of my soul.
My eyes closed as I let it carry me away.
I didn’t have to look at the other girls; I could feel them all completely in sync with me.
This was magic; this was art, and I loved every second of it.
Eventually, my body carried me into the routine, and I didn’t even have to think about it.
By the end of the track, I was invigorated, and finally, my eyes opened to scope out the audience.
Now that it was almost complete, I felt a lot more confident in my moves.
I was front and center, and my heart nearly pounded out of my chest when my eyes connected to a set of familiar ones seated right in front of me.
The routine was complete, and Frequency was seated, with Ivy right beside him sporting glossy eyes of pride.
Beside them sat Celine, giving me a wink while bouncing Misa on her lap.
Free held our son in his, and he stared up at me completely awestruck.
My heart exploded with so much joy I thought I might pass out from it all.
When the girls around me suddenly drifted apart into a different formation than what I taught them, it threw me off.
I watched them circle around me, turn their backs, and then spin around simultaneously.
Each of them held a board with a word on it, and did a slight pirouette before lowering themselves to their heels.
Standing in order now, when I read what was spelled out, my heart thudded rapidly in my chest.
Harbor, will you marry me?
So simple and sweet. Gasping for air, I turned my back to the crowd.
I didn’t know what to think or say in that moment.
Overwhelmed with a slew of emotions, I trembled, and my knees wobbled as if they would cave.
The chatter and obvious speculation from the audience pulled me out of my trance.
When my limbs regained life, my neck swiveled toward the stage entrance.
There he stood. His presence might as well have taken up the entire stage.
When his eyes struck mine, the rest of the room dissipated, becoming our audience because nothing else mattered.
Canvassing every inch of me with appreciation, he inched closer until there was barely a foot between us.
“Free—”
“Let me speak, please. Since the beginning, you’ve always had a lot to say. We both know where this began, and to me… that’s all that matters. The rest of the world would never understand it, and it’s not for them to.” He reached for my hand in his, and my soul poured open instantly.
He didn’t have to utter another word. If I could measure the love he had for me in just one stare, it was abundant and enough to transcend into me for a lifetime. He was my safe place, the haven where I could be me. There was no judgment or assumptions because we knew exactly what was between us.
“But this world, this life, shit don’t make sense without you, Harbor.
I haven’t felt like I was home until right now.
My world ain’t complete without you in it.
So… I know you saw the posters… but… I know that you also need showing and not telling.
” He got down on one knee and went into his pocket.
Lifting the lid to the small ring box, he revealed the diamonds on top of diamonds inside.
It was circle cut with a rock so big it nearly set me blind, and smaller diamond pieces sprinkled across nearly every inch of the white gold band.
It was classic but flashy. I expected nothing less from him, and the image of me wearing it for the rest of my life put me on a high I wasn’t quite prepared for.
“Harbor Lawson, will you marry me?” Frequency proposed.
My eyes closed as I absorbed his hands on me.
It brought a tingling sensation with it, stiffening my spine and jolting my heart like a charge was sent directly to it from his touch.
Dear God, I didn’t know what I did to deserve this, but I was going all in with my entire heart and existence.
These days marriage wasn’t taken seriously.
Statistically speaking, most people got married for financial security or some other bullshit. Love hardly ever equated into the mix.
“Yes!” I shrieked, bouncing happily from one foot to the other in front of him. “There is nothing in this world that I want more.”
The ring glided down my finger, and the entire audience roared with applause. Free brought his hands to my face, his alluring orbs connecting to mine.
“I love you, and forever ain’t even enough time to prove that shit to you, but I will spend every day of our lives together trying.”
He didn’t need to say more. I fought the urge every day to come back to him.
After the obstacles that made our relationship seem to fall on me waiting for him to make the next move, I thought it was best for a few modifications.
He had to know that he could lose me in order to appreciate the value of what he had.
It was a hard lesson, and it very well could have not worked out in my favor, but at the end of the day, I still had to live my life and do what was best for me.
I was no longer some green little girl seeking approval and validation from any and everybody.
I was a woman, and he was my hitta, forever holding my heart hostage.
THE END