16. Javi
16
Javi
May – The Bend, South Australia
The punching bag is getting the full force of my aggravation and hopelessness. It’s been a few weeks since I caught up with Sophia and she rejected me. I’m not pissed that she said no—I’m pissed that I can’t stop thinking about her, and there is nothing I can do about it. Seeing her on track is agony. I love being around her, in the same pit as her. I need to refocus, but I can’t stop thinking about her.
Riley comes out from behind the bag, where he is holding it for me. “Mate, you want to ease up a little? I’m still back here and want to leave in one piece.” He shakes his arms out for effect.
“Sorry, man.” I wave a gloved hand to him, catching my breath. I’ve been relentless with my contact on the bag today.
“What’s gotten up your ass?” Riley asks.
Riley and I met in the New South Wales state-level racing comps, affectionately called ‘Nationals’, when we were teenagers. There is little to no filter between us. We have great camaraderie off the track, and push each other to the limit on the track. We’re both highly competitive and use that to push each other’s buttons, getting the best out of the other.
“Nothing,” I mutter, grabbing a drink to give Riley a breather.
“Yeah, not convinced. Give it up,” Riley pushes, resting his forearm against the strung-up bag.
I am silent, staring him down and ignoring his question. He’s not getting anything out of me.
“It’s about a girl. Boom . You’re never this shitty unless it’s to do with a girl. But it has been a while since you have been like this. Look at you grow! What’s her name?” Riley seems to be having the conversation more with himself than me.
“No girl,” I press, annoyed, not feeling like sharing and caring at the moment. I just want to shut it out.
“Mmhmm.” He eyes me, unconvinced.
“Legit. I am just focusing on the season. I’m trailing behind Cole and I don’t want you and Fleur to catch up too close to me.” I flick my gloved hand towards the bag. “Now let’s get back into it so we can go.”
I can’t admit my focus on the season has been broken. While my performance on track hasn’t wavered, I have been so adamant that my head doesn’t turn no matter what. If anything, my performance has climbed this season. Maybe having Sophia in the pit has helped me there. I mean, in more than her role’s capacity. I push a little harder when I know in the back of my mind, she is watching my performance, watching me closely.
“Geez, who are you hating on?” Fleur’s voice breaks my trance of laying punches into the bag.
Dropping my hands and head backwards, I sigh. “No one!”
Exhausted, Riley pops back out from behind the bag. “A girl.”
“Duuuude, there’s no fucking girl.” Sophia’s a woman , no girl. So, technically not lying.
“He keeps disputing it, but he’s not been this shitty since that one gi—”
“Don’t finish that sentence, asshole,” I warn, pointing a glove at him. I don’t need him bringing up past bullshit that happened because of my rookie year na?veté.
Riley raises both gloves up in surrender. “Easy, cupcake. Lips are zipped.” His glove sweeps his lips, miming zipping them up.
I still glare at him.
“Changing this touchy topic, are you guys heading to the brewery for the MudPit promo this afternoon?” Cole asks, warily.
Riley’s eyes light up. “Oh yeah! I forgot that was this afternoon! We’ll be there!”
“ We will?” I ask pointedly, surprised he is answering for the two of us.
“Yeah, why not? They always put on good events and maybe it will get you out of this rotten ‘tude you’ve been in the last couple of weeks!” Riley says exasperated, like there is something wrong with me for giving him resistance. He comes out from behind the bag, removing his gloves. Guess we are done on the bag.
“Who’s even invited to it? I haven’t heard many people talking about it this year,” Fleur says. She’s got a point. For a promo event, there hasn’t been much promotion of it.
Cole has his phone out, checking into the details. “Oooh, okay, so it’s just a team owners, directors, and riders’ event.” My ears prick up. Team directors. Sophia should be there.
“Sounds fun!” Riley exclaims excitedly.
“Guess I could drop in,” I add nonchalantly, but on the inside, I am now buzzing. My broody mood lifts at the possibility of seeing Sophia ahead of the next race weekend and outside of the pits.
I also don’t miss the shit grin plastered all over Riley’s face.
“Tell me who,” Riley pushes as we ride down the elevator for the MudPit event.
“Dude, I have nothing to tell you.” I move my back to him in an attempt to hide the massive smile trying to creep across my face at my imminent proximity to Sophia.
“You might be able to pull that sly shit with Cole and Fleur, but I know you. You can’t fool me. If you don’t tell me, I’ll sus it out tonight. My eyes will be on you like a damn hawk.” Riley points two fingers to his eyes and then points them at me. He will follow me around all night—if he stays determined and undistracted.
Chuckling, I reply, “Enjoy following me around and talking to no one.” Denial until the very end, don’t give him an edge.
We exit the hotel lobby and walk a few blocks to a local brewery where the event is being held. MudPit is a company who have created awesome motocross tracks across Australia, and a lot of us train at their tracks during the off-season. They are also a huge sponsor of our racing events and host team-building days on their track—hence the team principals and directors being invited. Riders get invited as perks of being the talent.
The venue is a cool, newly renovated brewery with brick exterior and a huge outdoor beer garden that looks out to ocean. MudPit has gone all out with food set up and drinks floating around. There are high bar tables and stools scattered about for guests. The area is so vast that they could have doubled the tables and it still wouldn’t be cramped. The thirty or so people already here are more than comfortable spread out in the area.
Scanning the beer garden, my breath catches in my throat as I gaze upon Sophia leaning against the bar. Her blonde hair is pulled back slick in a high ponytail, while she’s dressed in a plain black V-neck top, leopard print mini skirt, and white sneakers. A singular tattoo peeks out under her skirt. I had no idea she had one, as she is always in pants, but taking it in now, cheekily peeping out as it wraps around half her thigh, it looks fucking hot.
“Sophia?!” Riley whisper-yells next to me.
“What about her?” I break my stare away from her, but he’s already left my side, waving and making his way towards her. Of course, he is friendly with her. She was on his team last year. I follow him, a little annoyed he will be around us and probably hard to shake.
“Heya, guys!” she warmly greets with equal eye contact between the two of us.
“You hiding out at the bar?” Riley queries.
She laughs. “Only so much nursing a cider a girl can do.” She wiggles the nearly empty glass between her fingers at us, while the bartender behind her places a fresh glass down on the bar. “Thanks,” she directs to the bartender, picking up the full one.
“Could we get two more, please?” Riley asks. The bartender nods and starts pouring.
“You guys busy today?” Sophia asks, her delicate fingers gripping around the schooner glass as she takes a sip.
“Just condition training,” I reply, finally finding my voice. I pick up the cider and nod to the bartender.
“Oh! Riley, how’s Kiara going? I haven’t seen her on track yet?” Sophia asks.
Kiara, Riley’s younger sister, normally hangs around with him in the pit, so her absence is missed.
“She wanted to do a few things with her friends this season. But she’s hoping to head back after the season break,” he replies.
“Hope she comes to see me. It feels like ages since I saw her,” Sophia replies.
“Say, do you know which girl Javi’s been losing his mind over? He is being very secretive with me. His best friend! Can you believe it!” Riley feigns upset, standing closer to Sophia so they are both leaning on the bar, looking back at me. I could kill him. I glance over at Sophia, and something flashes across her face before she catches herself.
With him next to her, her face is soft, but unreadable. “No, I haven’t heard anything around the pit. Must not be anyone in the team. Did you ask if it was someone from the media team?” That’s it, throw him in another direction, ace.
“OOOOHHHHH, media!! I didn’t think of that. There are a few smart hotties in there amongst the dudes!” Riley is silent for a few moments, deep in thought as his gaze moves to newer people arriving. True to his personality, he is distracted and points to the new arrivals. “Hey! Sorry, I’ll be back.” And off he goes.
Taking his position, I turn around and lean against the bar next to Sophia, looking out to the arriving guests. “Ignore him. He is literally a golden retriever. New people arrived, and he ran over to greet them.” I gesture in his direction.
She laughs, the sound melodious. “I don’t know where he gets the energy from. My social battery is already out.”
“How long have you been here for?” I ask quizzically.
“Half an hour. Not long enough to satisfy Rayna, though. She wants me to be more involved and hang out.” She shakes her head. looking into her drink. “Used to be easy for me to do this, now it’s just a struggle these days. I can only imagine what they think of me after Perry.”
I hate seeing her like this. I wish I could reach out, wrap my arms around her, kiss her, and make her feel better. To build her confidence up again after the hits she’s had, to build herself back up from. “If you want to pretend we are deep in conversation but sit in silence, I can be your ‘event beard’?” I peer at her and wink.
She lifts her head. “Thanks, but I better do some actual talking tonight. Try to get back to a new normal, right?” Her smile is weak.
“I’m sure you can do it. I’ll be here with you, ace.” Brushing my elbow against her, that skin to skin contact instantly sends electricity between us. I shouldn’t have touched her.
Her smile improves, and she replies, “Thank you.”
We walk around together, mingling with riders and other team owners and directors. I don’t know why Sophia was worried, she did great. She seemed like her old self, witty and insightful with her conversations. The sun begins to set and the MudPit owners make some speeches, thanking us all for being a strong part of the community. But all I can do is keep stealing glances at Sophia as she actively listens to them, the overhead fairy lights illuminating and highlighting her soft features.
Speeches wrap up, and we all begin talking amongst ourselves again. Sophia looks over with a tired look on her face and says, “I am going to head out.”
“I’ll walk you back to the hotel.” I leap forward too quickly and hold myself. “ If you wanted company on the walk back?” Nice save, dickhead.
“Sure, that would be nice,” she replies, and we turn to head out. “Thank you for sticking around me tonight,” she says quietly while looking to the ground. “It was nice to chat with people again.”
“You did great, ace. You didn’t need me,” I praise.
“Thanks, but I definitely needed you around. It helped so much. Sorry if you didn’t get to see who you needed to?” she said, almost questioned.
“I saw everyone I needed to. Don’t worry about that,” I reply.
“Okay good,” she adds and then goes quiet. “So, you going to tell me which girl has you getting teased by Riley?”
“I think you might know her. She’s been giving me a hard time for months now.” Hard being the operative word.
“Sounds like she doesn’t want to hurt you,” she says timidly.
I stop and place a hand on her forearm. “She could never hurt me.”
Her eyes look deep within me, but are glossy with the threat of tears spilling.
“Hey, what’s going on? You can talk to me,” I offer, moving my hand to her shoulder. The warm breeze flicks her ponytail around, dislodging a few strands of hair.
“It’s nothing. I’m just in my head still,” she replies.
I want to tell her so much, share what I am thinking about. Tell her I think about her every day as soon as I wake up. That I look forward to seeing her in the pits. That I’m glad when our schedules cross over. That I smile when I can hear her voice echoing around the pits when she’s talking with Rayna and the team.
But seeing her struggle with her feelings in this moment, I let it go.
“Let’s not worry about this and get you to the hotel to decompress,” I say instead, to which she nods in response.
I drop Sophia off at her hotel door and head back to my room, mentally kicking my own ass in a shower debate. I should have spilled my guts to her. Told her how I feel about her, but I chickened out. She was upset, and I didn’t want to push her; it was a great afternoon, though. Even if I was only standing next to her at the event. When it comes to Sophia, I will take anything she is willing to give me.