Zoya #3
Always having everything planned for you and never knowing why. All I could ever remember was being sent to my room when things were being discussed. Once I was older, it turned into me being told that I didn’t need to know everything.
I couldn’t understand why they refused to tell me. It was a hard truth that none of them could digest, or handle, so having to tell it to me was ten times worse.
My phone silently buzzed beside me, and I saw Goo’s name come up on the screen. Carefully, I moved to grab my phone without disturbing Zayah. She made a few grunts but remained asleep on my chest.
“Hey,” I spoke calmly.
“I woke you, Baby?”
I continued to keep those steady pats, so my conversation didn’t disturb her sleep. “No, I’m awake. Sitting on the balcony with Zayah in my arms.”
“She alright?”
“Just missing her mama… that’s all.”
He yawned. “I feel her… I’m missing someone bad right now.”
I smiled. “I miss you, too, Goo. How is everything there? Need me to fly back and handle business, too?”
I wanted to lighten the mood, because he seemed tense. Even on the other end of the line, I could feel the tension on this end.
“Boobie, can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“Ollie… he ever try some shit with you?”
Although Ollie wasn’t supposed to be seen or heard, just someone making sure I was safe, I knew he was there. I realized he was my security one day while on my way home from class.I was in my final year of law school, and I noticed a man following behind me in the parking garage.
I turned around so quick and was about to empty my gun into his stomach and then finish him off with pepper spray. He told me he was my security, and that my brother had security on all of us. From then, he always followed behind.
A few times he would make excuses to use my bathroom or ask for water. I’ve always found it strange because Duke protected Menace, and I don’t think I ever saw that man take a piss or drink a swig of water while actively on duty.
Even with him and Stevie being so close, he took his job seriously. Never blurring the lines of being her protection first, and her friend right after. Ollie had overstepped a few times, but I brushed it off.
Everyone couldn’t be Washington or Duke, and I chalked it up to him trying to build a rapport with me.
At least, I thought he was.
“Other than calling me beautiful once, and using the bathroom a few times… no.”
The line was quiet.
I knew he was there because I could hear something moving in the background. It wasn’t until I heard the familiar sounds of someone loading a gun that I realized what he was doing.
“Goo?”
“Talk to me, Dear.”
“Gerald,” I said again.
“Hmm.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
The line went silent again, but that sound was constant. Like he was over there loading every gun in America, instead of paying me attention. “You told me that he called you beautiful and used your bathroom, Baby.”
“And?”
“You’re not even supposed to know he’s your security. The fact that you know who he is, he used your bathroom and called you beautiful… especially after I find out this shit.”
“Find out what, Goo?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t hide anything from me, please,” I pleaded with him.
I could hear him curse under his breath. “He was jerking his dick to pictures of you, Zoya. When he was supposed to be securing shit, he was busy beating the fuck off and having secret meetings with Sigel.”
The only thing that held me together was the weight of Zayah on my chest. Because of her, I couldn’t explode the way my body was begging me to. I had never felt so violated. The familiar numbness spread through me, my emotions slipping off my skin like a piece of silk.
“It’s very on brand for me to be sleeping with the enemy and having security as one.” I quietly chuckled to myself.
“Baby, listen to me. Shit like that ain’t ever gonna fly with me around. I can hear the hurt in your voice, and I’m never letting a nigga make you feel how you’re feeling now. Wish I could fucking love on you right now, but when I get to you, we gonna have this discussion again, ight?”
This was new.
Goo was a man who was upfront with his emotions, and he could clock when mine weren’t right.
He could tell from over a phone that I felt low about myself.
I purposely picked the wrong niggas to get under my brother’s skin, and I could have gotten my sister-in-law murdered.
Stevie wasn’t only the best thing that happened to Menace, but she was that for our family.
“Goo?”
“Yeah, Boobie.”
“Are you going to handle it?”
“Oh, I’m most def handling my business.” I could hear him cock his gun back in the background.
“K.”
“What time is it there?”
“The same time it is back home,” I giggled.
He took a deep breath. “My baby probably in there all drained and shit because you not sleeping.”
“Kind of hard when her father is about to go drill some shit… halfway across the world.”
“Her, eh?”
I laughed. “Would be nice to have a mini-me and she and Zayah could be close in age. Imagine Cherry, Zayah and ours?”
He chuckled. “Me, Quameer, and Quasim’s daughters walking the earth… we don’t have enough guns for that.”
“Right?”
His tone became serious. “How you feeling, Zoya?”
“Hate when you call me that.”
He snorted. “Need you to tap in with me… what’s on your mental?”
“There’s a lot on my mind right now. I’m not about to put it on your mind until you come here… then I’ll complain and tell you about my fucked up mental.”
“Fair. You know what I want when I see you?”
“What?”
“A kiss.”
“I can do that.”
“I wanna kiss both lips, though.”
I gasped. “Gerald… stop being nasty.”
“You gonna let me?”
“Yep.”
“My girl. Get some sleep and call me when you wake up, okay?”
“Then you’ll probably be sleeping.”
“Don’t care... call me, Zoya.”
“Whatever, Gerald.”
“Aye?”
“Yes?”
“I love the fuck out you, Boobie. Never forget that shit, ight?”
I didn’t like how this conversation was ending. “Can never forget that, Pumpkin. Make sure yo’ ass don’t leave me a single mother, ight?” I mocked him.
“Bet.”
“Love you, Goo.”
Gerald snickered. “Knew yo’ ass better had said the shit back to me.”
“Stop talking shit and go handle business. He was beating off to your girl… you letting that slide?”
“Bye, Z.”
“Ger—”
I laughed because I had pissed him off, and he knew I hated whenever he called me fucking Z. That was a nickname I wished he left alone because it pissed me off whenever he said it.
I carefully stood up and went back inside, leaving the door opened to feel the fresh breeze. Zayah stirred as I made a little fort of pillows on the empty side and then climbed into bed.
With Zayah sleeping with me tonight, and being pregnant, I wasn’t sure I could take my sleep medication anymore. My eyes grew heavy the longer I stared at the vaulted ceiling, until I eventually allowed myself to fall asleep.