Zoya #2
“Sorry… I call it how I see things and I’m a little blunt at times, I’m sorry.” I grabbed the towel that was on the sink. “Well, how in the world were you going to reach this?”
“Gyal, this is why I’m sitting here in pain now.” She chuckled, as she accepted the towel from me, and wrapped it around her body.
I helped her slowly turn out of the tub, putting her leg over the side. Once she was on the correct side of the tub, she rested for a minute. “I bet you hate everyone treating you like you’re helpless.”
“My boys act like I didn’t raise them and don’t get me started on my sister,” she sucked her teeth. It had to be a Caribbean thing because I’ve seen Jean Delgato do the same thing.
It was this quick suck of the teeth when something was done or said they didn’t agree on. I was learning that Sharon did the same exact thing, and then she had this side eye that matched it.
“I’m here and I can help you. I don’t feel bad for you, Ms. Sharon,” I told her, letting her know that I didn’t pity her, or look at her any different.
That side eye extended to me. “What I tell yuh in my kitchen?”
I smiled. “Mommy.”
It was funny how quick she could get me in check with just a kiss of the teeth, side eye and demand. She did raise two boys who would ask how high if she told them to jump.
“You know I used to have a six pack?” she switched the subject, as she caressed her hip.
“Girl, quit playing.” I laughed.
“Woo, the boys back home used to be after me. Deddy had to swat them away.” She cracked up thinking about her glory days.
“I’m sure he would be swatting some men away from you now… you still got it.”
She moved her nub. “Even with this?”
“Now, you playing too much.” I bursted into laughter, as she looked at me with such pride and gratefulness in her eyes.
I was raised around looks being the words that were never said. From the way she looked at me, I could tell a silent thank you from a mile away.
“Men are too foolish. The boy’s father did enough foolishness to last me a lifetime.” She shook her head, as I passed her the body butter.
I smiled. “At least you raised your sons to be the opposite of foolishness.”
Whenever her boys were mentioned, she always became serious. Her job as a mother, even now, she took seriously. It was something that I admired, because no matter how old those men were, they were her boys. Motherhood didn’t stop because kids became adults.
“No matter how much bad Goo has done in the streets, his heart is pure. I know if he had his eye on you, then you have one, too.”
I grabbed her clothes she had laid out on the counter. “He wore me down. Your son doesn’t give up.”
“Never. He convinced me that he needed some mountain boots all the kids were wearing when he was younger. I took him back home to visit, and the pickney had the boots on with his shorts.”
I snorted, thinking of Gerald wearing boots in hot ass Jamaica. “What in the world?”
“His grandparents had to pry the boots away from him. Jamaica has always been home for him, even though he was born here. He lived there for the first few years of his life.”
“Why?”
“I was a new mother trying to get established here in the states. I didn’t have help from his father and knew he would be better off with my parents back home. It gave me a headstart, so when he came back, I had an apartment, job and everything lined up to be the best mother he needed.”
“Must have been hard.”
She took a deep sigh. “So hard. We didn’t have all that fancy technology that you pickney’s have now. I had to rely on letters and photographs. My parents live way out in the countryside in Jamaica. I visited whenever I could.”
I smiled. “Your relationship with both your boys is so close… are you close with Inez, too?”
Pain entered her eyes when I mentioned Inez’s name. It was the same look that entered Goon’s eyes when he spoke about her. The look of what used to be, and who she became. I felt bad whenever he spoke about her because he would give anything to bring the old her back.
Sharon felt the same way, because she messed with the button on her shirt. “I mourn who she used to be.”
“It’s hard mourning someone who is alive and wel—”
“Gyal hasn’t been well in some time. Told Maxine not to baby her… spoil her. She allowed her to make decisions she shouldn’t have had to make because she didn’t want to lose her and look… we’ve lost her.”
I wanted to promise that Inez would find her way back to her family, get clean and fight this addiction, but it was reckless to make that promise. Not when there was still hope in Sharon’s eyes. Hope that her niece would be able to fight this addiction and return to the girl she knew.
The reality was that this addiction was stronger than anything else in Inez’s life.
It was stronger than her family’s feelings and her own wants and needs.
People often felt bad for the person with the addiction, and never once thought about the family.
It was the family who mourned the living person they once knew.
It was unbearable having to witness the person you were mourning, walk around and put their selfish needs in front of their family.
“It’s hard losing someone, especially a child.”
Sharon put her bra on and stared at me. “That girl was doing that mess before Melle got murdered.”
Admitting it to me made it real. It had always been real, but I was sure she usually stopped herself before stating what happened to him. It was easier to say things that soothed you and made you feel better about the situation than actually admitting it.
Gerald told me that his aunt called Inez’s addiction a sickness. She never truly acknowledged that she was a drug addict, only referring to her binges as fevers. People told themselves whatever helped them get to the next day and all the days after that.
Ramelle had been murdered and Inez was a heroin addict. It was two bitter truths to admit and process, but it was the truth.
Sharon’s bottom lip trembled as I walked over towards her. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her as tightly as she held me in her kitchen. Her hands trembled as she held onto me. “I’m sorry, Mommy.”
Life hadn’t been kind the minute the pregnancy test turned positive for her.
Despite all the downfalls and shortcomings, she continued to push forward for her boys.
Sharon had watched one son be shipped away to prison and the other follow in his brother’s footsteps.
If that wasn’t enough, she watched those same streets consume both her great-nephew and niece, leaving one alive and one dead.
Life hadn’t been kind at all.
“Not your fault, Darling… not your fault,” she gave my arm a tight squeeze, and kissed my shoulder.
I had never felt closer to someone in my life. Like she was always supposed to be here with me. “I’m pregnant.”
Gerald wanted us to tell her together, but I felt like she needed this win. She deserved to see the light at the end of this dark ass tunnel we all were in. I think we all needed the brightness this baby would bring.
She squealed, shoving me back so she could get a good look at me. “Gyal, yuh better nuh play wid mi!”
Her hands held onto my forearms as she looked at me with tears in her eyes. “We found out on my birthday.”
“Thank you, Jesus… thank you,” she kissed my hands, as she closed her eyes and thanked Jesus.
“He wanted to tell you together, but I think we deserved a little light today.”
“Little… I’m gonna be a granny.” She smiled, as she brought me closer and hugged me. “You checked on the baby? Everything okay?”
“Not yet. So much was going on, so I never got the chan—”
She quickly put the rest of her clothes on, using me to lean up to pull her pants up. “There has to be a doctor on the mainland. You promise me you will go and check on the baby.”
“I promise.” Stevie had spent some of her pregnancy on the island, so I knew there had to be a doctor or someone that she used.
The smile she wore was contagious. I started to smile because of how happy she was.
“I’m going to cook tonight. We’ll have dinner outside, listen to Celine Dion and the ocean on the patio.
Hell, that might be what we do for Thanksgiving, too.
I don’t have hope that Goo will be here by then. ” She sighed.
Celine Dion was a favorite in this villa. Not because of me, but because of Sharon. If I had to listen to “My Heart Will Go On” one more time, I was gonna scream. I was hopeful that we would be able to spend our first holiday together.
“Where’s your sister?”
“Jamaica. She always goes when it’s closer to the holidays to spend time with our parents. It’s harder for me to visit now.”
It was sad that she couldn’t visit her parents the way she had always been able to. “It’s okay. We can have our own dinner for the holiday and then walk over and see what everyone else cooked.”
“I like that.” I headed out the bathroom. “Zoya?”
“Yeah?” I smiled.
“Thank you.”
I smiled at her. “I was fine with the silent thank you… you never have to thank me. Okay?”
She pursed her lips. “I’m the mama, eh?”
I held my hands up. “I don’t want any smoke, Mommy.”
She chuckled, as she rolled behind me.
When I walked into Stevie and Menace’s villa, the smell of food invaded my nostrils. It always smelled good when walking in here, unless it was eggs, then it turned my stomach. I had spent most of the night texting Stevie about any doctors she knew on the island.
That turned into her giving me the third degree and trying to convince me to go onto the main island last night. She was convinced that I was worried something was wrong with the baby. Other than wiping myself and inspecting the toilet tissue thoroughly, I wasn’t worried.
I hadn’t had any cramps or pains that would make me worry. Every morning, I said a quick prayer for this baby. After all I had gone through with its father, it better not had tried to jump ship on me.