Chapter 3
Three
Hanna
Ifound Honor in the solarium, sunlight streaming through the open windows and making everything feel too bright, too warm, too exposed. Summer on the Isle was nothing like the winter I’d left behind. Here, the air smelled of blooming flowers and fresh cut grass, and the heat made my skin prickle.
Summer had once felt so welcome, but now it felt…too much. As if the Ice Kingdom had turned into home without me noticing.
My sister sat at her writing desk, reading a letter that had a distinct line etched between her brows. She glanced up when I entered, rewarding my presence with a smile that lit her face. “Hanna. I was hoping we’d have some time together, just the two of us.”
My stomach tightened.
She knows there’s something wrong with me.
The thought wasn’t entirely mine. The Shadow Weaver stirred in the back of my mind, her presence like smoke curling through my thoughts.
With us.
I tried to shove the goddess down in my awareness, to focus on my sister. It felt as if the goddess was watching us, though. Judging.
“Honor.” I crossed to the window seat, needing distance from her shrewd gaze, and stared out at the bright, vibrant blur of a garden. “We need to talk.”
“About your marriage?” Her tone was carefully neutral.
Which one?
“Among other things.” I needed to talk to her about the goddess, but I wasn’t sure how to begin. Or—more importantly—how to keep Honor and her men from being overprotective. Well, overprotective was a given. But I needed them to not be unhinged.
Most of all, I needed to leave the Isle with Kaelan. I needed to be at his side as he faced Edric. The thought of being kept away from that final battle, of leaving my men to fight alone, felt like a too-tight corset making it impossible to draw a full breath.
Kaelan would want to leave me safe on the Isle. He would want that even if I were not possessed by a goddess with questionable motives.
I was facing a fight with both my old family and my new.
A pair of dragons circle over the lake, their scales catching the light. From here, I wasn’t quite sure whose dragons they were.
I could always recognize Kaelan, Thorne and Dare.
Kaelan’s dragon was as icy blue as he pretended his heart to be, though I knew better.
Thorne’s was a deep, sunlight-stealing black, the very opposite of his steady presence.
And Dare’s was the same emerald green as the dangerous sparkle in his eyes.
Honor had been quiet, studying me. “Jaik told me Kaelan came when you needed him. That somehow you called him from across the sea.”
Of course he did. You depend on him to do what you can’t. To kill Baelur because he is the one who gets his hands dirty.
The goddess’ voice had taken on an edge, sharpening my own fears.
“I didn’t need him to kill Baelur,” I said.
Honor’s eyebrows arched. “I didn’t say you did.”
Heat flooded my face. I’d responded to the wrong accusation.
“Are you all right?” Honor’s concern was immediate.
“Fine. Just tired.”
Liar. Tell her. Tell her what lives in your head and watch her try to cage you again. Always the beloved, helpless princess.
The door burst open, and Kasia tumbled in, her dark curls wild around her face. She was five and fearless, and she launched herself at Honor with the kind of absolute trust that I’d once felt for my big sister.
“Mama! Briden said I can’t train with him and the others because I’m too little!”
Honor caught her daughter easily, settling her on her lap. “Did he now?”
“He said I’m just a baby and I’ll get hurt.” Kasia’s lower lip trembled. “But I’m not a baby!”
I watched Honor smooth Kasia’s hair back, murmuring reassurances, and something twisted in my gut.
Does she see you as just as needy as Kasia?
I shook my head, trying to shake off the goddess’ voice.
Kasia wriggled free and ran to me instead, climbing onto the window seat. “Aunt Hanna! Will you teach me to fight?”
Relief jolted through me as Kasia threw herself into my arms. I wrapped my arms around the small solidity of her body. She didn’t hate me for what Ginelle had done, for what she had seen. She still came to me as if I were a safe place to shelter.
“Kasia. You need to—” Honor started, then cut herself off. Her gaze softened as if she had read me and my emotions.
“Yes,” I said, and the goddess purred her approval. Never too early to teach a girl to fight in this world. Even against her own family. “When you’re older.”
“How much older?”
“Old enough to listen.” Honor put in dryly.
Kasia considered this seriously. “Tomorrow?”
I grinned. “We’ll see.”
When Honor sent Kasia off to find her siblings, the solarium felt too quiet in her wake. My sister’s gaze settled on me again, and my skin prickled as if she was seeing too much. I was being studied from inside and out, and I couldn’t escape the weight of their judgments.
“You seem different,” she said softly.
“I’ve been at war.” It had been her men who warned me what leaving the Isle would cost me. That I would be changed.
I’m sure your family is disappointed. They loved the girl you were, cracking jokes and smiling easily. Now here you are. Forever ruined by the things you’ve seen and done.
You’ll never be as bright and happy ever again.
“That’s not what I mean.” She stood, moving closer. “How are things in the Ice Kingdom? You seem...uneasy.”
You haven’t told her about me yet. That’s as good as a lie. It shows she can’t trust you.
Or it shows that you can’t trust her.
Either way, she’s going to believe you need to be contained. For your own good. For your safety. Because they love you so very much.
My pulse was racing, and I forced myself to draw a slow breath. “I’m fine, Honor.”
“Are you?” Her red hair was loose around her face, and she tucked a strand behind her ears as if she were nervous about this conversation too. “You show up with Kaelan in tow, all in love again. But years ago, Kaelan crushed your heart. And last I saw, he was a manipulative bastard.”
I scoffed. “He didn’t crush my heart.”
I couldn’t exactly argue against him being a manipulative bastard.
She raised her eyebrows. “Am I supposed to pretend I’ve forgotten having you cry in my arms?”
My cheeks prickled. “No. But we were both young and stupid. I want you to remember and forgive him anyway.”
She let out a sharp laugh that suggested that was never going to happen. Then her gaze sharpened and sudden horror flitted across her face. “Is that a mark on your throat?”
My hand rose to my skin as Honor’s eyes narrowed.
“We can kill him if you like,” she said, her voice low.
“Honor. No. It’s…” My cheeks heated. “It’s nothing he did to hurt me.”
Those words didn’t seem to ease her fear, or the way her gaze searched mine. “You don’t have to go back to the Ice Kingdom.”
“I do.” I said breezily, as if we weren’t at odds. “You would never have left Jaik and Caldren to face their father alone.”
“That’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because Jaik and Caldren deserved me,” she said crisply. “Kaelan is, and always will be, an unrepentant asshole.”
My lips formed around words to defend Kaelan—words that might or might not be true, because maybe he was—but then I let the impulse go. “That doesn’t matter. He’s mine, and I’ll be at his side.”
“If you’re sure that’s what you want.” Her tone suggested that the coral palace would always be here, the gates ready to swing open and the fountain spring to life as I walked toward the door.
Fury prickled under my skin. This wasn’t even the conversation I needed to have with my sister, but now I had fresh, new worries.
I wanted Honor and her men to love my men. To be one family. I didn’t want to be torn between them.
The door opened again and as Honor sighed, Lysander came in this time.
He was eleven years old and already carrying himself like a young prince, with perfect posture and a sword at his side.
His shining golden hair always made me think he might be Branok or Lynx’s, but I never voiced that urge to track children to men; they didn’t seem to think about who they had sired.
I always wondered if they did, deep down.
“Mother, Papa Bran wants to know if—” He stopped, his eyes flashing between the two of us, reading the tension. “Should I come back?”
“It’s fine, Lys.” Honor’s voice was gentle. “What does Branok need?”
He came over to her, explaining some trouble that they had encountered with a rebellious lord; he explained what he thought they should do next with a mix of commanding certainty and tentative seeking.
He was only a fraction shorter than her now, so that she barely looked down at him as she ran her hand affectionately through his shining hair. By the time I saw them again, he would be taller than us both. The thought sent a stab of loss through me.
Stay or go, I would miss so much. Maybe I’d always feel torn between two places, two families.
But I knew where I belonged.
You have to go now. Take Kaelan and run. There’s no time to waste here trying to smooth things over with Honor when your kingdom needs you.
I could barely focus with the goddess screaming at me in my head. I raised a hand to my throbbing temple. Please be quiet.
“Hanna.” Honor sounded afraid, and I jolted. Then, more quietly, to Lysander, “Would you send Jaik to us?”
You’re going to lose your chance to run if you don’t go now!
“What’s happening?” Honor’s voice was harder now. More queen than sister.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t play games with me.”
I scoffed back in response. How soon she swung back to talking to me as if I were the little sister and not a queen in my own right.
She knows. She knows and she’s going to lock you up. Keep you safe. Smother you with love until you can’t breathe.
“Is it the goddess?” she asked gently. It was the soft tone—the way she had considered her reaction and changed—that flooded me with regret.
My head snapped up.
“Bran and Lynx told me,” She answered my unspoken question. “They don’t fully undersand, but…they could figure out enough.” She reached for me again, and this time I let her take my hands. “We can help.”
Honor knew something was wrong. Of course she did. She’d probably known since the moment I’d arrived. And now she was here, trying to help, trying to protect me, and all I could do was snarl at her like a cornered animal.
“I’m sorry.” I started to say that I wasn’t quite myself, but the words died on my lips. If Honor thought I was under the goddess’s control, she would do everything she could to keep me here.
And then you’ll never be able to defeat Edric.
To protect your men.
Those vile images flashed through my mind again. Kaelan, Thorne, Dare. Torn apart, eyes staring emptily.
I desperately wanted to tell Honor everything. About the Shadow Weaver. About how she’d both saved my life and nearly destroyed me.
About how the goddess’ voice in my mind was overwhelming me.
If you tell her, she’ll keep you here. Lock you up. Send your men away. They’ll have to fight without you and you’ll lose them.
“I need to go back to the Ice Kingdom,” I said instead. “Before Kaelan’s rebellion falls apart.”
“I understand, but we can help you with the goddess. You’re safe here.”
Safe. Caged. Same thing.
“Help? It sounds like you’ve already made a plan!”
“A goddess possessed your mind!” Honor’s voice rose to match mine. “Forgive me for being concerned!”
I’d forgotten how messy mortals are. Does every kind of mortal love come entangled with insanity?
I rushed through the door, pulling it shut behind me with more force than necessary. The sound echoed through the corridor, too loud in the summer stillness.
Yes, run away. The picture of maturity. Definitely ready to go wage a war to plant yourself on a throne.