Chapter 14 #3
The way he used to look at her when they were teenagers and sitting on the compound roof watching stars and believing the world could be different than what Kuro had told them it was.
"Emi," he said.
Her real name.
Not Raven. Emi.
She put her hand up and stopped him from saying something else.
She had to release the words that had almost died.
"I've been carrying something for years," she said.
"And I didn't know I was carrying it until you came back.
Or maybe I knew, and I just didn't want to admit it because admitting it meant admitting that I'd lost it, and that hurt too much. "
"What were you carrying?"
She took a breath. This was the moment. The place where she either said it, or she didn't. And if she said it, everything changed.
"I love you," she said.
The words hung in the air between them. Three words. Eight letters. The thing Kuro had cataloged when they were children. The thing that had survived years of separation and grief and her building a life without him in it. The thing that was hers, not Kuro's, not Guardian's, not anyone's but hers.
"I loved you when we were teenagers," she continued.
"I loved you when you died. I loved you through years of believing you were gone.
And I love you now. Standing here, in Prague, with everything broken and still not quite right between us.
" She held his gaze. "I don't know what that means for us.
I don't know what comes after we take down the Scroll.
But I know this. I love you. I've always loved you. And I'm tired of pretending otherwise."
Silence.
Dan was looking at her with an expression she couldn't quite name. No surprise. Something deeper than surprise. Something that looked like relief and pain and want all at once.
He took a step forward and closed the distance between them. His hands came up. One to her face, gentle, the other to her waist, steady.
"Aishiteru," he said.
He said it in Japanese. The deepest way to say it. The word wasn’t casual or said lightly. It was the word you used when you meant it with everything you had. When you'd been carrying it for so long that saying it in any other language felt insufficient. She felt her tears falling and didn’t care.
"Say it again," she said.
"Aishiteru."
I love you.
With everything I am.
With everything I was.
With everything I will be.
She kissed him. Or he kissed her. She wasn't sure who moved first. It really didn't matter. When they broke apart, they stayed close. Foreheads touching. Breathing the same air.
"We still have work to do," she said.
"I know."
"One more profile. Then the endgame."
"I know."
"And we're going to have to figure out what this means. What we are. What comes after."
"I know."
She pulled back slightly. Looked at him. "I know you know. Stop saying that.”
He smiled at her. “Okay.”
She smiled back at him. “But right now?"
"Yes?"
"Right now, I just want to be here. With you. And not think about any of it. Not until morning. I want to be Emi again, to be quiet with you and know you’ll understand what I need. I want to rediscover the peace we had, the love and the … oneness."
He smiled. A genuine smile. The one that made him look like the young man she'd fallen in love with.
"We are one; we always have been," he said as his hand cupped her neck, and he brought her toward his lips. He’d always been the one to take the lead. He was her safety, her protector, even though she didn’t need one.
She leaned against his hard body and shivered at the taste of him as their tongues danced together.
Dan moved them toward the bed. Not in a rush, but a step here and a step there.
She broke away from his lips and kissed his chest where she’d opened his shirt.
Her tongue found a raised scar. She stopped and trailed a finger down the ragged edge before she looked up at him.
He’d been wounded, almost mortally, by the length and depth of the scar.
“Not now.” He took her hand in his. “Now is for us. Later, we can talk about the past.”
He lifted her dress over her head, and her breath caught at the way he stared at her. He reached out to touch the skin of her collarbone. “My God, Emi, you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you're here.”
She started to answer him, but he lowered his mouth to hers, and the immediate demand of his kiss stole her breath.
The power of the man holding her today was so much different from the young man she’d loved.
His hand threaded through her hair, and he gripped it tightly as he broke the kiss.
“I haven’t been with anyone since you.” His hoarse whisper almost shattered her.
She gazed up at him. “Neither have I.”
He kissed her forehead. “I don’t know if I can be gentle. I need you so damn bad.”
“I don’t want you to be gentle.” She pushed his shirt off his shoulders, popping several buttons from their anchors. They bounced off the wall, the desk, and the window. She didn’t care.
“Stop making decisions for me.” She toed up and took his lip in her mouth, bit down on it, and pulled away enough that she got his attention. She released him and kissed the tender flesh. “That didn’t go well for us last time. We aren’t going to do that again. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” He grabbed her ass with both hands, pulling her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He walked over to the bed and laid her on the bedspread.
Then he stepped back and stripped off his clothes while she lifted up to her elbows and watched.
Damn, his muscles had bulked, and his cock …
well, that hadn’t changed much. Before he could move to her, she was on her hands and knees.
She took his cock in her hand and licked the head like a lollipop before she deepthroated him.
She choked trying, but the absolute guttural sound that came from him was more than enough encouragement to do it again.
So, she did. His hands were in her hair, and he stopped her, pulling her off of him.
He flipped her over onto her back and stripped her of her lace panties and bra. He stared down at her. “Emi.”
She lifted her arms to him, and he lowered on top of her.
He found her lips with his and his hips moved.
He slowly entered her and retreated, opening her up.
She wanted more and dug her heels into the small of his back.
He groaned, and a full-body shiver consumed him as he seated himself inside her. She arched and released a long sigh.
Dan’s head was on her shoulder, and his breath fanned her skin. “I have to move.” His words were strained and tense.
She wound her hands through his silky hair.
“Then move, I’m so ready.” She half moaned and half said the words.
After adjusting above her, he did just that.
She lifted as he came forward, their bodies already in synchronization.
It was as if no time had passed. She diverted her thoughts.
He was right. Now was for them. They could talk about the past later.
Dan’s fingers found her clit, and he applied circular pressure as he moved.
The sensations were too much and altogether not enough at the same time.
She raked her nails over his shoulders, and that kiss of pain pushed him over the edge.
She let herself slip over with him. Her body tightened against his shaft as pulsing waves of pleasure radiated from her core.
As Dan collapsed over her, she held him in her arms. The silence wasn’t something the two of them avoided. Silence had always been their common language. When others needed to fill the quiet with useless words that held no significance, they’d always been at peace just being together.
He rolled to his side and brought her up against him. He stroked her hair as they both relaxed, skin against skin and emotions raw and exposed.
Emi didn’t know how long they lay like that.
Just touching, feeling … being. But Dan’s soft kiss on her neck led to more kisses, and explorations of new scars, old favorite spots, and the difference the years had made.
His hips found a steady rhythm, her hands explored his body, and together they repaired old wounds where scars had not formed.
How did you forgive a man for loving you so much that he knew he needed to die to protect you?
He collapsed over her again after he shattered her body. She ran her fingers up and down his back, smiling against his shoulder.
You don’t have to forgive him. You have to cherish him for his sacrifice.
* * *
Morning came with light filtering through unfamiliar windows. Raven woke slowly, aware of warmth beside her, of the comfort of not being alone. Dan was already awake. She could feel it in the quality of his stillness, the way he was present but not moving, giving her space to wake at her own pace.
She turned her head and looked at him.
He was watching her. The way someone watched when they were allowed to, when the person beside them had chosen to be there.
She smiled and rolled toward him. "Hi.”
He wound his arms around her. "Hi."
Such a small word for everything that had changed.
She thought about getting up. About the mission. About Istanbul, Cole Harrington, and the final piece of intelligence they needed to get before they went back to Guardian.
Ring would be waiting for them. The investigation wouldn't pause because they'd finally found a way to go forward.
But for this moment, for these few minutes of Prague morning light, the mission could wait.
She moved closer, and his arm tightened around her. Laying together in the quiet, they let the city wake up beyond the window.
"We should get moving," she said eventually. Not moving. Not wanting to move, actually looking for a reason not to move.
"Yes, we should," Dan agreed.
But still, neither of them moved.
"Istanbul," she said.
"The next stop," he said what she was thinking.
"One more profile."
"One more," he echoed.
She looked up at him.
"Dan."
"Hmm?"