Eleven
Natalia
Horror and rage. Two emotions that, sadly, I was intimately acquainted with.
More than anything else, I could understand the look of horror on Reid’s face. It was the perfect representation of what I’d felt when I saw him—my ex—last night. Nothing but sheer terror rippled through me. Rightfully so, if the current state of me was anything to judge by.
But to see it on Reid’s face, particularly through the one eye that wasn’t swollen shut, I didn’t know what to do with that.
He took a step toward me, hand out and reaching. “Who did this to you?”
Just as easily as I could recognize horror, I could identify something else.
It was the rage that glittered in Reid’s eyes that felt far too familiar.
And despite the things he’d said to me before I opened the door, the memory of him shouting at me on Wednesday evening barreled to the forefront of my mind, screaming at me that I wasn’t safe.
It was that memory that forced me to take a wary step backward.
And if I hadn’t been so concerned for myself and my safety, I might not have been paying attention.
I might’ve missed the way Reid winced, and the regret that leaked into his features.
“Natalia.” My name sounded like a tortured plea coming from his lips.
“I… I know you have no reason to trust me, but I swear to you that I’d never lay a hand on you like this. ”
I wanted to believe him. God, I wanted that more than anything. To know there was someone I could trust and depend on to protect me and keep me safe. Someone who cared enough to try.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have that with Reid. I’d been through this with him already in the few short weeks I’d known him. Just as soon as I put my trust in what was happening, in the progress we were making, he killed it.
As much as I could stand with the swelling in my fingers, I gripped the door to keep me upright. My body was battered and bruised, and my bones ached. All I wanted was to curl up in bed to rest and relax. To sleep. To heal.
But Reid was still standing here, and I didn’t think he’d walk away so easily.
Through the blistering pain, I forced myself to speak to him. “Now that you know I didn’t fake being sick, will you please leave?”
The remorse was etched into every fiber of his being. “I can’t. Natalia, I can’t walk away and leave you like this. You need… Can I take you to the hospital?”
My head was pounding, my legs straining to keep me standing.
I had no fight left in me, and the part of me that respected and trusted Barrett Erickson decided not to argue with the man’s son.
Logically, I was aware that if there had been any reason to be fearful of Reid, Barrett wouldn’t have ever asked his son to fill in for him.
So, wanting to believe the best, and needing to take a load off before I collapsed, I turned and retreated to my cabin, leaving the door open behind me.
When I heard it close gently, I could only assume Reid had taken the liberty of stepping inside.
I confirmed that suspicion once I made it to the couch and gingerly eased myself onto it. Reid remained by the door, his face an unreadable mask as he seemed to force himself to watch me.
A sigh of relief escaped, and I closed my eyes the moment I was on the couch.
“I really think you need to go to the hospital.”
There was an edge of fear, of pleading, in his tone. I took two more breaths before I looked at him. “I’m not going to the hospital.”
“But you could have a serious injury.”
Inhaling as deeply as I could, wincing when I took it too far and caused more pain in my ribs, I shared, “I went to an urgent care center last night, made sure nothing was broken in my face, and came home. I just need to rest.”
He dragged a hand down the front of his face, but he still hadn’t moved from just inside the front door. “Who… How did this happen? What happened to you?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Clearly, you were viciously attacked. I was hoping for a bit more of an explanation. Did this happen here?”
And here I thought he refused to leave because he was concerned about my physical well-being. How quickly I forgot that Reid had only one thing in mind.
If I had the strength to snarl at him, I might’ve done just that. “There’s no need to worry, Reid. This didn’t happen here. And you don’t have to keep standing in front of the door. You can come in and sit.”
Even from the distance, his reaction was tremendous. I couldn’t miss the way his throat bobbed with a deep swallow.
Slowly, he stepped forward and made his way to the opposite end of the couch.
My feet were mere inches away from him, but I was too exhausted to care.
“Are you sure you don’t have any injuries that require additional medical attention?
I understand you went to urgent care, but what if… What if they missed something?”
For a moment, I allowed myself to believe the concern was genuine. That Reid was actually afraid something worse than what he could see had happened to me. I guess, in a way, his line of thinking wouldn’t be that far off. Because somewhere, deep down, there were wounds that’d likely never heal.
“I guess that’s possible, but I’ve been through this enough to know when a visit to the hospital would be required.”
He blinked. “What does that mean?”
“What?
“You’ve… You’ve been through this enough?” His face blanched. “Has this happened to you before?”
And there it was. Proof that Reid had been right to say what he did to me that day in his office. Evidently, I didn’t know when to shut up.
I looked away, my heart aching at the realization. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I beg to differ.”
My eyes drifted shut, sleep beckoning me. It was obvious my body knew what it needed, but my brain wouldn’t shut off. It couldn’t seem to get past the fact that Reid was here, pretending to be concerned.
We are not friends. We never will be.
Those were his words. Whether he’d been able to see how terribly he’d treated me to relay those words among others and felt compelled to apologize as a result didn’t matter. He’d said what he’d said, and I wholeheartedly believed there was truth behind it for him.
We weren’t friends. We never would be.
No matter what I’d done, no matter how hard I’d tried, there wasn’t anything I could do to get him to be my friend. I couldn’t even get him to be friendly toward me.
I didn’t know how much time had passed before I felt a hand curl around my foot. “Natalia.”
Sleep became a distant memory. At Reid’s gentle, intimate touch, my body tensed, and pain shot through me as I dared to return my attention to him. The look in his eyes had my mind racing.
“Where were you? Please…” His voice was strained in a way that made it seem like he was in agony, like he was the one who’d been brutalized last night. “Please tell me what happened to you.”
Understanding precisely the pain I’d experience if I laughed, I managed to keep it contained, but it took almost as much effort as it had to stand up and walk to the door minutes ago.
It wasn’t that I found anything funny. Nothing about this made me feel happy or joyful. It was the mere fact of Reid wanting me to talk to him. To share details about something that had nothing to do with work. Did he think it was that easy?
When I spent too much time studying him, Reid gave my foot a squeeze.
That one small gesture would have turned my world upside down in the best way if things had been different between us.
It was an effort not to groan at how good it felt or to pull my foot away too quickly for fear he’d know how he was affecting me.
“If I recall correctly, you asked me not to speak to you unless there was something related to work that needed to be discussed,” I reminded him. “I’m relatively certain that what happened to me last night doesn’t fall within those guidelines of when I should speak to you.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. The distress and torment were nearly blinding when he finally returned his attention to me.
“I can’t tell you how deeply I regret saying what I did to you that day.
It’s why I came here in the first place.
I’m sorry, Natalia. I’m sorry for what I said, how I said it, and that I hurt you in the process.
I will do anything to prove how sorry I am. ”
I stared at him, unsure of what to say. Probably still afraid to say anything.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
My throat constricted, my nose stinging with emotions bubbling inside of me. “I’m exhausted, Reid. I really need to rest.”
He dipped his chin with understanding. “So, sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But—”
“Rest, Natalia.” He gave my foot another squeeze. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay and everything is good between us again.”
Whether he knew that was an impossibility or not, I didn’t know. Maybe he thought it sounded good.
Either way, I would get nothing out of arguing with him about it now. Feeling as tired as I did, I wouldn’t be able to say all that probably needed to be said.
“You don’t have to stay here with me. If you could just give me a day or two to recover, we can talk then.”
“Close your eyes and sleep.” His expression turned serious. “I said I’m not leaving you alone, and I meant it.”
Whatever.
He’s the one who’d be bored to tears.
I closed my eyes, and within seconds, sleep pulled me under.
Reid
When I decided to come here to fix things with Natalia, I never imagined they’d get worse. Sure, I wasn’t so foolish as to believe that I’d say two words, and everything would go back to normal. In fact, I expected she’d be hesitant to forgive me for treating her the way I had.
But in no scenario that I’d considered about how this would go down with her had this been what I imagined. It never crossed my mind that I’d show up here and wind up watching her sleep as her body worked to repair itself from the brutal assault that she’d endured at the hands of some monster.
I shuddered every time I replayed in my mind what had happened in my office. The way she’d cowered and stepped back from me. The way her hands trembled, and her eyes had filled with tears.
Never in a million years would I ever lay a hand on her—or any woman—in anger.
But given the way I’d treated her, the way I shouted at her, I wondered if I was any better than the guy who’d taken his hands to her beautiful face and precious body.
It was no secret that the emotional wounds anyone bore could be far worse than any physical injuries.
The only question that remained was whether there’d been enough of anything worthwhile between Natalia and me on her part that what I’d done could have that deep of an impact.
For a long while I simply sat there, feeling nothing but shame and disgust over my own actions. Eventually, those feelings shifted to something else. Something dark and cold and deathly. And foreign.
I hadn’t hidden my brooding since I’d arrived back here in Ohio. I glowered and sneered as a result of some long-ago slights. And yet, none of that compared to this new feeling of…hatred? Vengefulness?
I wasn’t sure there was a word to describe it.
All I knew was that it was something that led me to feeling something I’d never felt before in my whole life.
A fierce need to protect and avenge this beautiful woman and her joyful heart.
A heart that was open and soft and yielding and beautiful.
One the very opposite of my own heart of stone, as I’d recently called it.
My eyes roamed over her sleeping form again, lingering a bit longer on bruising, swelling, and lacerations marring her skin.
Sick.
She pretended to be sick so I wouldn’t see this. So nobody would see this.
How many times had it happened?
And who? Who had done this to her?
She was avoiding talking to me. I understood why. I’d shouted at her to do as much. But after she rested, after she realized I didn’t mean a word of it and wasn’t leaving her side, she’d have to talk.
She had to.
Because no other outcome would be acceptable.
I’d never forgive myself if she refused to speak to me again.
I continued to take her in, the damage to her body making my gut twist in disgust. She’d indicated she’d endured something of this horrific nature before.
Suddenly, I wondered if everything I thought I knew about this woman was a lie. It seemed impossible she could be so happy all the time, so friendly and outgoing, having experienced anything even remotely close—or worse—to this before.
I could only imagine how deep the emotional wounds inside her had to be in order to feel like she needed to keep herself hidden away so nobody would know just what she was suffering through.
Question after question had popped into my head. And while there’d always been something I’d pondered when it came to Natalia, I was suddenly asking myself things that I hadn’t before.
Why was she here? Where was her family? Did she have a boyfriend?
As those questions filtered in and out of my head, I realized that while the answers were likely important to a degree, they wouldn’t matter when it came to me doing whatever was necessary to make sure I did right by her.
After listening to those few things that she did share with me and hearing all that was beneath those words, especially the defeat, I was going to do everything I could to make things right.
Not just between us, but for Natalia herself.
And I suspected that was going to take a while. But it didn’t matter. I was going to get comfortable here, because I wasn’t leaving until I knew this woman was healed in all the ways that mattered.