Chapter 20
LEAH
“Seriously?” Aaden rasps, his voice thick with sleep.
I blink my eyes open and giggle at the scene before me.
Gidget is practically climbing onto his face, attempting to cover him with kisses as he jerks his head away, sputtering.
I chuckle, knowing he’s not happy. He turns his head to look at me, and try as he might, he can’t fight the grin tugging at his lips.
“I’d prefer to be woken up by you, not the dog,” he says.
I laugh harder as Gidget gets even more excited that he is finally moving.
“Alright, alright, I’m up. I’ll take you guys out,” he grumbles as he climbs out of bed.
I pull the blanket up around me and snuggle back in.
“Oh no!” he smirks. “If I have to get up, so do you.” He tugs on the blanket.
“But it’s cold out there.”
He stands and pulls on his sweats. “Fine. You’re lucky I love you.”
“Merry Christmas Eve.” I grin.
He looks at me with that wicked grin as he starts to climb back in on top of me. “Do I get an early present?” he asks, his eyes sparkling mischievously.
I brace my hands on his chest, holding him at arm’s length. “Not before you take the dogs out.”
He growls at me then climbs out of bed. “Don’t get up,” he orders with a waggle of his brows as he closes the door behind him.
I snuggle back into the bed, curling up in the warmth of the blanket.
It’s a cloudy day, and it looks cold. I’m grateful for the few extra minutes of warmth.
The smell of bacon hits my nose, and a slow roll of my stomach has me sitting up on the side of the bed, taking deep breaths.
What the… When my stomach lurches, I jump up and run to the bathroom.
No sooner do I lift the lid and drop to my knees than I puke up everything I ate for dinner, which wasn’t that much.
Oh God, I have food poisoning, and on Christmas Eve, I think as another round of vomiting takes over.
Finally, I collapse onto my butt and flush the toilet.
After a few deep breaths, I pull myself up and splash cold water onto my face.
As I’m standing there trying to control my rolling stomach, I’m hit with a terrifying thought.
My head pops up to catch my reflection in the mirror.
Holy shit, I think as I stare at myself in the mirror wide-eyed.
When was my last period? My heart starts pounding as I try to remember.
It was two weeks before Thanksgiving. My eyes widen as I stare at my pale reflection, my breathing becoming heavier.
Surely not. I must have had one since. No, no, I haven’t, but I’m on the pill.
I can’t be pregnant. It has to be something else.
I stand up straight, my eyes dropping to my stomach in the mirror, my face becoming even paler.
I can’t be. It’s just food poisoning. My legs turn to jelly, and I practically fall to the floor in front of the toilet with a loud plop.
I’m shaking, my heart’s pounding, and I’m completely in shock when a soft knock comes from the door, and Aaden’s voice calls my name.
I can’t respond. My mouth won’t work. After a moment of silence, he cracks it open.
“Leah?” I still can’t respond. He opens the door further and quickly squats down beside me when he finds me on the floor. “Leah, what’s wrong?” he asks, taking my hand in his.
I shake my head, trying to regain my composure. Slipping an arm around me, he helps me up and walks me back to the bed. I sit on the edge as he goes back into the bathroom and returns with a cool, damp washcloth. He places it on the back of my neck, and I flinch at how cold it is.
“Baby, you’re white as a ghost. Talk to me, please.” His voice is strained, full of concern. I have to speak. He’s going to think it’s my mother. I have to tell him something.
“I’m fine,” I croak. “I…I think I have food poisoning.” I close my eyes, trying to fight off another wave of nausea.
“Oh, damn, sweetheart.” He frowns as he dabs the cloth against my sweaty face.
“Here, climb back into bed. I’ll let everyone know you’re not feeling well, and I’ll come back to check on you in a bit.
” I slowly lie back down, curling up on my side and breathing through more nausea.
Again, he disappears into the bathroom and returns with a glass of water.
“Here,” he says, handing me the glass. My hand shakes as I lift the glass to my lips.
Gidget whines and paws at the bed, so Aaden scoops her up and places her next to me.
I lift the blanket for her to climb under to get warm.
“Do you need anything else?” he asks, feeling my forehead.
I shake my head. “Jesus, babe, you’re sweating. ”
“I’m fine, really,” I mumble.
He frowns as he dabs my face again with the cool cloth. “I’ll let you rest. If you need anything, let me know.”
I nod as he leans over and kisses my head, and then I watch as he leaves the room, pulling the door closed behind him. This can’t be happening. Not again.
***
After my mini-breakdown, I convince myself not to get worked up until I know for sure.
I might be stressing over nothing. Unable to eat, I tell Aaden I am going to pick up my mother and stop at a pharmacy on the way.
A pregnancy test is now hidden in the very bottom of my purse.
The box said the best time to take the test was first thing in the morning, making me wait the entire day and night.
The torture of not knowing sits like a weight in my stomach all day.
I’ve worked hard to compose myself around my mother.
She can read me well, and I refuse to ruin my last holiday with her.
I sleep an hour here, thirty minutes there.
My mind won’t shut off, and when I do sleep, I wake in a panic.
At four in the morning, I can’t take it any longer.
I quietly slip out of bed, praying I don’t wake Aaden, and make my way into the bathroom, carefully closing the door.
With my heart pounding, I open the linen closet and reach under the stack of towels where I hid the test as soon as I got home.
God, I never thought I’d be here again. My hands shake as I open the box, remove the contents, rip open the plastic, and dump the test into my hand.
I stare at it like it’s the knife that’s going to cut out my heart.
Taking a deep breath, I do what needs to be done.
I replace the cap and set it on the bathroom sink.
I wash my hands and sit on the toilet, biting my nails while I wait for the results, my knee bouncing uncontrollably.
I’m fine! I’m just freaking out over nothing.
This will all be over in a minute, and then I’ll tell Aaden we need to be more careful.
After a few torturous minutes, I close my eyes and stand back up, gripping the sink until my fingers turn white.
I don’t know if I can do this, I think as I open my eyes and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
My heart is pounding, my hands are shaking, and I feel like I’m about to puke.
Sucking in a deep breath, I force myself to look.
In the little window that was empty only a few moments ago is a plus sign.
A pained sob slips out as I release my breath.
I cover my mouth and sit back down on the toilet, clutching my stomach.
Oh God, not again, I think as my heart pounds so loud that I’m afraid it’s going to wake the entire house.
Tears stream down my face as I reach over with a trembling hand and pick the test back up to look at it.
No. No, no, no. We’ve only been dating for a few months.
I just met his family, my mother is dying of cancer, and I’m only 24.
Too many thoughts are racing through my mind as I stare at the giant plus that only seems to be getting darker by the minute.
Panic takes over completely. I need to hide it, I think frantically.
I gather up the test and the instructions and shove them back inside the box.
Splashing water on my face, I force myself to calm down.
Quietly, I open the bathroom door and peek out.
Aaden is still asleep. Tiptoeing over to the bedroom door, I sneak out of the room and over to the balcony.
I do a quick scan of the first floor but don’t see or hear anyone.
Moving quickly, I make my way down the steps and into the kitchen, finding my purse, and stuffing the box back down inside of it.
I’m not going to ruin Christmas for everyone.
I sneak back upstairs and into bed as quietly as I can.
Aaden turns in his sleep and pulls me against his chest. I bite my lip as I fight my tears.
God, a baby. Aaden’s baby. I lie there, staring at the ceiling, terrified of how this will all play out.
I want him in my life, but not like this.
Then another terrifying thought hits me.
My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.
How am I supposed to deal with the stress of another one along with my mother’s illness?
I can’t. I can’t handle this. It’s way too much.
I lose the battle and let my tears roll freely down my cheeks as I sob quietly in Aaden’s arms.
***
“Good morning, my little elf,” Aaden whispers as he kisses my neck.
I sleepily open my eyes and turn to look at the clock. “Ugh,” I moan. “It’s only seven-thirty.”
Aaden excitedly snuggles against me. “Yeah, but it’s seven-thirty Christmas morning,” he says, sounding childlike again.
I laugh and run my fingers through his hair. He jumps out of bed and pulls his sweats on. “But you have to take the dogs out first.”