Chapter 31
All throughout the time I waited for him to finish training, and even as we walked back toward the royal chambers, Lysande did not say a single word. Yet this silence felt different from the one he had carried a few weeks ago.
Now his gaze remained lowered, his brows drawn together as though he were lost in deep thought, and his hair kept falling across his forehead instead of being brushed back every few moments like he always did, even when he was furious.
I decided not to question him or push him too much.
Long ago, Sanadeo had told me that sometimes the best thing you could give a man was a few quiet moments to sort through his own thoughts.
I had never truly believed it, considering I was the complete opposite by nature, but perhaps with Lys, I would just have to wait until he chose to tell me what was weighing on his mind.
Still, every hour or so, I found myself glancing up at him, hoping he would say... anything at all.
“Welme, could you prepare a bath for me, please? I'm feeling rather tense,” I said while we were having dinner.
As we had done every evening these past weeks, we all ate together. Sometimes Meera would join us with Corian, and once even Sanadeo had decided to appear, but lately we had all shared the same meals. The same food, the same wine, around the same table.
“Of course, Princess. I'll add those oils you like, the ones that help you relax,” Welme replied as she placed a loaf of roasted bread onto my plate.
Then I looked toward Lysande.
“And you, Ser Knight? Would you like your bath prepared too?”
“No, Princess, thank you. I already bathed after training today. I'll wait outside while you finish.”
For a brief moment, his eyes flickered toward mine before dropping back to the table almost shyly.
I glanced at Welme. She gave me a questioning look, and I simply shrugged before silently mouthing, 'I don't know.'
She only shook her head and continued eating while I lifted my goblet of wild blueberry mead and took a sip. “Have some mead, Lysande. It's quite good.”
When one of the servants moved to refill his cup, he immediately covered it with his hand. “My deepest gratitude, and I truly hope you do not take this as an insult, Princess, but I try not to drink alcohol.”
He rested a hand over his heart as he spoke, offering a strange, tight smile while something sorrowful shimmered behind his eyes. From the corner of my eye, I noticed several of the older servants, women who had served me since the day I was born, tense as they watched.
I knew exactly what they were expecting.
The old me... the spoiled little brat of a princess I used to be... would have forced him to drink the entire bottle simply because he had refused me. Because, in my childish mind, refusing me meant insulting me.
Instead, I only smiled gently. “No offense taken, Sir. It is entirely your choice. Though if you ever change your mind...” I gestured lightly toward the pitchers sitting on the table.
Relief softened his features. His eyes relaxed just a little before he dipped his head in gratitude.
I could never undo everything I had done before.
But I could make sure I never became that person again.
After dinner, just as I had asked, Welme filled the great copper bathtub with steaming water before scattering flower petals across its surface.
She stirred the foam with one hand while adding fragrant oils that slowly filled the room.
“Then wait outside, Lysande,” I called toward him as he stood beyond the bedroom door.
He nodded once before quietly closing the heavy wooden door. “What is wrong with him?” Welme asked before I had even turned around.
“I noticed he'd become much more open these past few days, and then suddenly...” She continued stirring the bubbles. “Did something happen, Princess?” I walked toward her and began untying my dress. “Oh! Forgive me.” She immediately hurried over and began helping me out of the layers.
“I don't know, Welme. Everything seemed perfectly fine, and then all of a sudden...” She pressed her lips together before clicking her tongue.
“Men, Princess. Doesn't matter what rank they hold.”
I laughed softly at that, but the heavy knot in my stomach refused to disappear.
It had been there ever since that moment beneath the tree.
Of course I knew exactly what was wrong.
And of course I was lying straight to poor Welme's face.
“Come now, Princess,” she said gently. “Let your mind off. Stop thinking about all of that. You've been frowning this entire time.”
Relaxing had never been one of my strengths. Still, I listened.
With her help, I stepped into the enormous bath, surrounded by warm water, flower petals, and beautiful scents.
“Goodnight, Welme. Girls.” I waved as they all passed through my chambers toward their own.
Each of them curtsied before wishing me goodnight.
Welme lingered for just a moment, with hundreds of questions floating in the green of her eyes.
I simply nodded, silently assuring her that I was alright.
Without another word, she closed the door behind her.
For a while, I stared at the door after she disappeared. Then, with my damp hair still clinging to my shoulders, I fell backward onto my bed. I spread my arms wide and closed my eyes.
I could still feel his fingers on my lips. My own fingertips slowly traced every inch of skin he had touched. His scent surrounded me so completely that it almost felt as though it were truly his fingers brushing against me once again. As though his breath lingered against my neck.
Goosebumps raced across my skin. The shiver traveled down my throat, across my chest, over every place that longed for his touch...and lower.
My hand slowly circled over my lips before drifting downward.
It wandered along my neck and returned to my jaw. Then, almost hesitantly, it rested against my chest. My heart pounded harder and harder. Heat spread across my cheeks...Through my stomach... And lower still, between my legs.
A knock at the door pulled me back before I could make a far greater mistake.
I sat upright so quickly that my vision blurred for a moment, desperately trying to untangle my messy hair.
Another knock.
I struggled to calm my racing heart and force the blush from my cheeks. “Yes?” My voice cracked and I nearly smacked myself on the forehead. I jumped to my feet and then immediately sat back down again.
“Princess... it's Lysande.. at your door. May I come in?” The sound of his voice sent my heart racing all over again.
I bit my lip to stop myself from embarrassing myself even further. “Yes, ser. Come on in.”
I prayed the darkness of the room would hide my flushed face. The door slowly opened.
“Come in, Lysande,” I repeated after noticing he was still waiting for another invitation. He cleared his throat before stepping inside, his eyes lowered, his hands folded neatly before him.
“I owe you an apology, Princess.” He still could not look at me. “I should never have done what I did. I am truly sorry. I crossed every boundary, and I beg your forgiveness.”
Finally, he lifted his gaze.
Those warm brown eyes—the ones I could have recognized even in the darkest room, the ones I would still dream about even if I were thrown into a dungeon without food or water, were now filled with nothing but shame.
“I allowed myself to lose control. I touched you in a way that was completely inappropriate.”
I rose from the bed and slowly walked toward him.
He held my gaze the entire time.
Even though I wore only a thin white nightgown that concealed almost nothing, his eyes never wandered. “It's alright, Lysande,” I said quietly, trying very hard not to think about everything I had been doing only moments earlier.
He clenched his jaw before shaking his head. “No, Princess. It isn't alright. I truly was wrong.”
“I forgive you, Lys. But I'd like you to do one thing for me.”
“Anything you wish, Princess, for I am your eternal servant.” Those words sent another small bolt of lightning through my stomach. 'Please touch me again,' my mind, the ever-cunning serpent, whispered.
“Please don't keep the things that trouble you locked inside.”
Moonlight spilled across his beautiful face and strong neck, and something deep inside me wanted to bite him...
then kiss the place where his neck met his shoulder.
I cleared my throat and took another small step closer.
He only nodded. I smiled and turned away, but his voice stopped me.
“One more thing, Princess.” For the first time all evening, there was courage in his voice. “I must also apologize for my outburst a few weeks ago.” I glanced toward the wall, remembering how close the servants' chambers were.
Without a word, I motioned for him to follow me farther inside.
I sat down upon my bed while he remained standing several feet away and gestured for him to continue.
“You were never the one at fault, Princess. Not before the fight... not any of it. I was guilty too. I lied. I pretended to be someone I wasn't. I let my anger and grief consume me... and I directed all of it at you.”
He lowered his head. “It is the greatest honor of my life to serve you, and I sincerely hope you'll allow me to continue doing so.” I folded my hands neatly in my lap.
“Lysande... it is all right. I forgive you. And I hope you'll forgive me for my lies as well... and understand why I did what I did.”
“Yes, I understand.” There wasn't the slightest trace of hesitation in his voice or flutter in his eyes.
?I would like you to be my friend, Lysande, If you will have me, of course. “ I put my hand in the fire with this one, hoping it would be him who pulls my hand away from the flame.
This time, it was his words that surprised me.
?I would like nothing more, princess.“ His lips pulled upwards just a little, but his eyes sparkled. ?And I pray you can forgive me for all my misfortunes done to you, “ He added. I just smiled and eagerly nodded my head. Tears dwelled in my eyes but I did not let them fall.
“Thank you, Princess. I bid you a good, blessed night.” He turned before I could even say anything more, before I could process the loss of the weight that settled in my heart. He bowed once and walked towards the door his own chamber.
But before he opened it, I sat down on the edge of my bed and called after him.
“Lysande... I don't regret what happened this morning.”
He stopped. “The only thing I regret... is that it didn't last longer.”
I honestly didn't know why I had said it.
For a moment, he froze and then only gave a small nod.
Yet as he stood there with his back turned, his hand resting on the door, I could have sworn I heard him whisper—
“So do I, Sol.”