Chapter 8 #2
‘I don’t want your apology for that. I want an apology for this.’
‘For sharing the horse? We’ve been through this. I lost my spare.’
I faced ahead and took in a deep breath. My fingers gripped the horse’s thick mane, knuckles white. The fool had wanted to save me. A part of me begrudgingly understood that. But matrimony? Why did it have to be marriage?
Matthias shifted in the saddle, his chest flush against my back. I leaned forward, desperate for space.
‘Am I really to be your bride? Your wife?’
He went unnaturally still behind me, before drawing himself back.
I’d had a few casual lovers during my time in the library and grown close to one guard.
Then she’d been placed on duty elsewhere, bruising my already shattered heart.
It wasn’t sex itself that unnerved me. It was the thought of lying next to this man.
Skin on skin. Breaths merging as one. My cheeks burned at the thought.
‘It was the only way to save you.’ His voice came out as a whisper, and I barked out a high laugh. If it wasn’t for him I’d be lost in the woods by now.
‘I don’t need saving. Especially by you.’
He took a minute.
‘Enfys sent an urgent message. She’d discovered Romero chose you as the Tribute when her letters to the library were returned unopened.
Handpicked by the king himself – though he’d kept it a secret.
We were desperate to get you out. Time wasn’t on our side, so I told Romero he’d have a seat on my council in return for your hand—’
‘You what?’ My head whipped round. ‘The same council The Alliance put in place after Raul’s rebellion?
The council designed to keep your decisions in check?
Why would you give him, of all people, a seat?
’ A muscle flinched in Matthias’s jaw. ‘You know as well as I do how he craves power. Ever since the empress took Carush, he’s wanted the same for himself.
Why would you risk such a thing? You’ve practically handed him a second kingdom.
As soon as the threat from the empress is over, he’ll try and oust you from your own throne.
Did you ask your brothers what they thought? It’s their kingdom too.’
‘Both Ifan and Skye—’
‘Skye?’
‘Yes, Skye. I have a sister now. I always did, if truth be known. And she agreed with me. She’s in favour of this marriage. Getting a sister of her own. Said something about too much testosterone around the palace.’
I decided to ignore the thought of a new sister, a new family. New people I had to avoid, so I’d never destroy them.
‘But giving Romero power, Matthias. Surely you know no good will ever come of this? Why would you even contemplate it?’
For a moment, Matthias lay his forehead against my shoulder, and I shuddered. The simple touch seemed so natural, so right. He was an idiot, though. A complete idiot for handing over even a sliver of control to Romero.
‘What would you have me do, Sorrow?’ My resolve fissured as his voice cracked. ‘He wanted you dead. Thrown to the God. A gift for Vyrus. I failed you once. I couldn’t do it again.’
‘But marriage, Matthias? Your wife? I wasn’t given a say in the matter.’
His body slumped behind me with a frustrated exhale. When he spoke, his tone was raw.
‘After everything that’s happened – after what I did—’ He took in another deep breath, before straightening.
‘Marriage to me is the last thing you want. That’s evidently clear, but our hands were tied.
I had to get you out. And yes’ – he huffed out a short laugh, blowing a strand of my hair – ‘I know you’d have tried to escape the Tower, but to do what no one else has ever, ever achieved? I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate.’
My breath hitched. He’d been worried? The thought knocked the air from my lungs.
‘So…’ He leaned back, and I shivered, missing his warmth. ‘I swear to you, our marriage will be one of convenience.’
I swallowed. A marriage in name only.
‘I’d hoped… I thought… I’m sorry, but you’ll have to marry me or he’ll haul you back to the Tower – it was one of the conditions of the treaty.
’ Matthias sucked in a breath. ‘We won’t…
consummate it. Then, when this is over, when there’s no more threat from Carush, we’ll go our separate ways.
I’ll set you up with everything you need.
Everything you want. As long as you’re happy, that’ll be enough for me. ’
I stilled. This was what I wanted, surely. So why did my chest tighten? I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to lean back into him.
‘You gave up part of your council in return for my life?’
His gloved hand brushed mine. I flinched, tugged it away.
‘You’d have done the same for me.’
‘No, I wouldn’t.’
He leaned forward and, turning my head, I caught sight of his expression. A wry grin lifted the corner of his full lips.
‘Are you telling me,’ he asked, ‘you’d let them throw me into the molten lava? Stand by as I suffer a horrendously ghastly death?’
‘Of course I wouldn’t just stand by.’ I watched Matthias’s fingers relax their hold on the reins and my mouth curled upwards. ‘I’d fucking push you in.’
Matthias laughed. A deep rich rumble ran through me as I blocked out how much I loved that sound.