Chapter 10 #2
The words – the truth – shrank in my throat.
This had been my darkness, my secret for eight years.
The gifts Evella blessed me with? When they’d first emerged, I’d struggled to supress them.
I watched other Anomalies with envy writhing in my chest and dreamt of becoming one of the greatest after I trained.
Then Mama died… I thought back to the rainy afternoon with Enfys.
The screaming. Rivers of blood pooling about my half-sister’s cowering form.
I shuddered. Training this poison running through me might hurt others, kill them even.
So I’d lied. Told everyone the accident stole my gifts as well as my sight.
I knew that the blight claimed untrained Anomalies by the time they were in their late teens.
I often scoffed at the idea we were blessed.
If Evella favoured us Anomalies, then why did the gift bubble and froth in our blood until we’d been forced to master it?
The gift demanded control or else we were no better than a raging diafol, beset with the crippling headaches and maddening itches offered by the blight.
The unfettered gift ran rampant through us, creating a sudden, unwarranted strength.
That strength, combined with the madness, led to the afflicted Anomaly tearing themselves apart in their desperation to ease the pain.
And those that came to their aid? The ill-fated Anomaly would tear them apart too.
I had been amazed to wake up on my twentieth birthday. Then the headaches started. At first, I blamed them on my weak sight. It hadn’t been easy to hide it, but I coped. Until now. Until the fog.
‘You need to use your words. Tell me, Sorrow.’
‘Do not patronise me, Matthias Elmswood.’
He closed his eyes. Took a settling breath.
‘I’m not. I swear. But this?’ He raised his hand, pointing to me. ‘This is suicide. Without training, emerging Anomalies die. Does Romero know?’
Sniffing, I toyed with the threads on my sleeve, buying myself a few moments to arrange my thoughts.
I sifted through the lies. Selecting which facts would prevent further questions.
I saw Enfys, the little girl trembling in her tattered blood-soaked clothes, and I shuddered.
No. Matthias couldn’t know what else I harboured in my soul.
‘Sorrow?’
‘No.’ I looked him straight in those beautiful green eyes.
‘No. As far as he knew, Evella stripped me of my blessing. He decided I was of no use to him. Said he wouldn’t even be able to marry me off.
No one in their right mind would want a half-blind wife, cursed by the Goddess.
I persuaded him to send me to the library, but my work, my research got…
slower, and he got more and more frustrated with my progress.
When he came and told me I was his Tribute, part of me wanted to tell him I still had my gift.
I mean, how many Anomalies can talk to the creatures?
I knew it would save me from the lava.’ I swallowed as the words flowed.
‘But, they scared me. Scared me more than Vyrus’s flames ever could.
’ I stared down at my hands, turned them over, before clenching my fists.
‘So yes, Matthias, I buried it. Kept it secret. Arrogantly tried to mentor myself, and maybe that’s why I’ve survived this long.
If you hadn’t forced me to chain Pablo then I could have kept it secret. It’s all your fault.’
He laughed, my heart jolting as he swept his ever-rebellious hair from his face. Asher moved closer, studying me as though I’d crack. I looked away.
‘What about the headaches? How’ve you avoided them?’ Matthias asked. His eyes widened. ‘Back there, before the fog…’
I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t form. I couldn’t say it out loud and make it real.
‘Oh, Sorrow.’ Matthias rubbed his jaw, shoulders slumping. ‘Are they bad?’
‘I thought… at first, I thought it was the strain of trying to read in the library. I didn’t want to admit I needed help reading the words. The pain isn’t so bad.’
‘Then there’s still time.’
‘Time for what?’
‘To train.’ He lay his soft touch against my chin, tipping it so I met his gaze once more. ‘Embrace your magic.’
Wrapping my arms around myself, I shivered, then jumped as Asher clapped his hands. Pablo came creeping through the trees, his maw stained with the blood of his lunch, and stood by me.
‘You’re in luck, Sorrow!’ Asher said.
‘Well, after the month I’ve had I could certainly do with some.’ I smiled, hoping I could divert them.
Matthias’s mouth quirked up. ‘I happen to have the greatest mentor in the history of Eusis currently residing at my palace. She’ll train you.’
‘No.’
‘No?’
I crossed my arms. I’d avoided being trained for eight years. I couldn’t face what I’d be forced to do in order to embrace the poison running through my veins.
Asher barked a laugh.
‘I know you said she had the tendency to be stubborn, my king, but honestly, this is something else.’
‘Sorrow.’ Matthias threw his hands in the air. ‘If you’re getting headaches, it’s only a matter of time before the blight claims you. I employ the perfect person to save you. You just need to accept my help. It won’t make you any less strong.’
‘You appear to have developed an obsession with saving me. There must be another way. I don’t want—’
‘There isn’t another way. We all know it. You’ll be a danger to yourself. A danger to others. What do you think it would do to me to watch you tear yourself apart?’
Closing my eyes, I took it all in. There was a part of me that knew he was right.
Those damned headaches were the first rung on the ladder.
Each step would destroy more of my soul.
It’d poison my mind causing bleeding. The itching would drive me insane till the moment I’d scrape my skin raw.
And it wouldn’t just be myself whom I’d hurt.
Isolated in the library, I’d known I wasn’t going to be a risk if I succumbed to the effects of the blight, but in Asmar?
In a palace brimming with courtiers and servants?
I blew out a breath. Gods, I knew he was right.
A tremor racked my body at the memory of Enfys’s bloodied face.
Her fear still coated my tongue, even though eight years had passed.
What if I fucked up? What if something like that happened again?
‘Please.’ I opened my eyes and met his soft stare. ‘I can’t…’
Matthias took my hand, his thumb tracing gentle lines along the spiking pulse in my wrist. ‘Sorrow Villente. You possess the fiercest heart I’ve ever known.
You’ve faced far worse and never shied away from a challenge.
If anyone can master their gift, it’s you.
I won’t let you face this alone. I’ll be by your side.
I’m your husband now if you haven’t realised it yet. ’
He flashed me that smile, and I winced as I sensed my resolve begin to unravel. I smiled, despite the way my guts churned. And when his thumb brushed against my bottom lip, my eyes closed against the pressure.
Swallowing, I grasped his wrist and pushed his hand away.
‘You’ll train with Glesni?’ he pleaded. ‘Please?’
I took a settling breath. There’d be no way to avoid this. Every throb and pulse in my temples would have his entire court panicking. I nodded, praying to Evella this Glesni didn’t look deep enough into my abilities and find out the reason why I’d hidden them for so long.
Asher clapped his king on the back. ‘That’s settled then. May I suggest we make haste and get our asses back to Asmar. I for one cannot wait for the moment Glesni meets your new bride.’
Matthias laughed, his fingers entwining with my own, and with my fight ebbing, I permitted him this fleeting moment of tenderness.
‘Why?’ I asked, suddenly unsure about my decision. ‘What’s this Glesni like?’
Matthias’s response was lost in a thunder of hooves. He let go of my hand and reached for his sword as a bay horse cantered into the clearing. A single rider sat atop. He pulled his horse up, his head angled in Matthias’s direction.
‘Ifan!’ Matthias called.
Ah, the little brother I’d once met when the twins had visited Matthias one summer.
‘Come and meet my new bride.’
Ifan strode up, narrowing his gaze as he took me in. He may have been four years younger, but his muscles eclipsed those of his older brother.
‘Sorrow,’ he said, a weak smile cracking across his handsome face. ‘I’ve no idea why you married him.’
‘It was either that or death.’
‘And for some reason, she still chose him,’ Asher said, earning a cuff on the shoulder from Matthias.
‘Sorry, brother. I had to find you.’
‘What’s this?’ Matthias took the parchment Ifan held out.
‘The Alliance has called an emergency meeting in three days’ time. The empress has been sighted off our shores. We face invasion.’
Matthias’s face darkened.
‘Take Sorrow back—’
‘No,’ I shouted.
‘Do you know any other words or is “no” your instant response to any request?’
I grabbed the corners of my skirts to prevent my fists from flying into his face. Despite the resentment still burrowing into my chest, I couldn’t bear the thought of going to Asmar alone, twiddling my thumbs while I waited for Matthias to return, living among strangers.
‘Take me to the summit. It can be your wedding present if you wish. In the library, I undertook years of research into potential Vyrium stores. I can help.’
Matthias’s eyebrows flew up.
‘Another little secret Romero kept from me.’
He turned to Asher who shrugged.
‘Fine.’ He turned to his not-so-little brother. ‘Ifan, you return and get everything ready for my – our – return. I’m taking your new queen to our first summit.’