Chapter 29
They say I’m the most powerful Deviant in a lifetime.
They all came seeking my gifts: kings, queens, the rich, those powerful souls lurking in the shadows, tugging on strings and swaying opinions.
All to no avail as my purpose had already chosen me.
I vowed no emerging Anomaly would ever suffer the devastation of the blight.
I’ve failed twice. It will never happen a third time.
— FOREWORD FOR MRS GLESNI GRACE’S ADVICE FOR MENTORS: THIRD EDITION
‘Why do I feel like I’ve been here before?’ Asher asked, a wide smile on his face as I glared at Matthias.
‘Because we have,’ he said, rubbing his temples. ‘I won that time too.’
As he shielded his red eyes from the rising sun, I surmised he was suffering a crippling hangover.
Good. After I’d spent the night alone, my fists clenched, listening to the constant tick fucking tock of a clock, I didn’t want the man near me.
Earlier, he’d tried to brush a kiss to my cheek, offering a weak apology, but I’d stormed away.
I glowered at Ifan. For someone who’d drunk an entire brewery the night before, he appeared remarkably sober, though by the distance left between him and his older brother, at least he appeared to carry some guilt.
Pablo sat on his haunches with a sigh. The wolf was eager to get out on the road, but as Matthias wanted me to share a bloody horse again, we were at a crossroads.
This time, I wouldn’t give in. Though as my gaze raked over him in his riding clothes; the stretchy riding trousers leaving very little to the imagination, the black tunic and fur riding cloak, maintaining my ire was a struggle.
‘Firstly, we’re on a time limit. We have to get to Graig Du as soon as possible. Sharing the same horse will not only slow us down, but it’ll also be uncomfortable for the poor creature… and me. So, no. I’ll be riding on my own.’
A wide grin spread across his face, and I itched with the urge to slap it away. His hands dropped to his side, stalking towards me, his eyes locked on mine.
‘See, I disagree.’
My breath hitched as his stupidly handsome face came into focus.
‘I think sharing a horse will be incredibly comfortable.’
The bastard winked.
‘Then share with Asher.’
I turned, and Matthias grabbed my hand, tugging me back.
‘Come on, Sorrow.’ His frayed tone brought even more colour to my cheeks. ‘I only had one drink. I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry.’
Oh, I’d make sure he was sorry. I called his horse over. He narrowed his brows as his stunning steed turned around so his rear end faced Matthias. He took a step back.
‘Seriously?’ A smile tugged the corner of his mouth. ‘You’d have my own steed kick me?’
‘Of course not,’ I said, calling my own horse over and placing my hand on the pommel, heaving myself into the saddle. Matthias’s horse lifted his tail high, and the stable yard descended into raucous laughter as everyone realised exactly what I’d planned.
He raised his hands in mock surrender. ‘Fine, fine, you win.’ He walked to the side of his horse, stroking his gloved hand down the midnight hair on the horse’s withers.
Glesni chuckled as she heaved herself into the wagon, one leg seeming to give her some trouble.
‘Well,’ she said, shuffling into her seat, ‘if we don’t find any Vyrium, at least we know we still have the upper hand.’
‘How so?’ asked Asher, bringing his white mare alongside her wagon and passing her the reins.
‘Sorrow can get every creature in the vicinity to shit on our enemies. Imagine the history books!’
She laughed again, and tears stung at the back of my eyes. I knew if I looked closely, the glint in her eyes shone less bright, regardless of how loud she laughed.
By the third day of travelling, my anger still simmered, only to be joined by boredom. Even Matthias conceded sharing a horse hadn’t been one of his finest ideas.
‘All right, you win. We’d probably be at each other’s throats by now sharing a single ride. I’d forgotten what a natural rider you are.’
‘Or,’ I turned to face him, and that damned tingle of attraction stormed through me. I straightened my spine, fought to keep my features neutral. ‘You thought I couldn’t ride as well because my sight is failing.’
He raised his dark brows, his mouth a thin line.
‘I-I hadn’t seen you in so long. The way Romero worded it, you’d been so injured by the fall, he had to protect you.
Keep you safe. In my head, that wilful tearaway, the girl who could wrestle me to the ground, climb higher, shout louder, fight harder… I’d lost her. And it was my fault.’
I stifled a wince as pain stabbed behind my good eye. I lowered my head so he wouldn’t notice. ‘Don’t tell me. You thought I’d be a feeble little girl with a stick, crying in a corner over all she’s lost?’
Matthias’s nostrils flared. ‘That’s not exactly how I pictured it, but yeah, I underestimated you. And I should have known better.’
His gloved hand lay over my own. An ache opened in my chest and I pulled away. His hand remained where it was for a few moments, before he grabbed his reins and we continued in silence.
This was the boy who’d owned my heart. I’d given it far too willingly and then, the one time when I needed him, he’d failed me. At my lowest, my darkest, my loneliest, the boy who’d been my guiding light faded into oblivion.
It had cleft a hole nothing could ever heal.
Until recently. But the other night he’d placed his duty above me yet again.
I glanced across and my chest constricted.
He was on my left, weaker side, but I knew every line, each soft curve of his profile by heart.
His straight nose, straight to the end where it turned up the teeniest bit.
His smooth forehead and those long, dark lashes framing the greenest of eyes.
I could trace the angles of his jaw, how it met with his long neck, the bump of the Adam’s apple.
I itched to sketch it, but then I hadn’t sketched anything in years.
I kept my gaze resolutely ahead. Asher at the front, shouted warnings about any hazards as we left the main road and travelled across bone jarring, barely traversed tracks.
The low light layered the autumn leaves with a gilded sheen piercing my eyes.
I silently heaved in long breaths to stave off the constant stabbing in my temple.
Crows cried out a harsh song from the boughs of skeletal trees, while a low mist hung about the yellowing blades of once verdant grass.
A wave of nausea rolled through me. Lunch had been slices of strong, dark cheese, cured, unbelievably chewy, meat and a rich chunk of bread.
Glesni complained about the lack of tea, but Asher promised her he’d brew up this evening when a fire was lit.
I side-eyed her as she sat in her wagon, chortling away to herself.
Damned woman was always complaining.
I scrunched my eyes to avoid the glaring rays of stark light.
Hadn’t anyone else noted how damned bright it suddenly was?
I scratched the prickling hairs on the back of my neck.
How much longer would we be travelling this fucking road?
Perhaps I should have stayed? I rolled my aching shoulders.
At least if I’d stayed I’d have a reprieve from Matthias and the games he obviously thought were so damned funny.
I cracked open my eyes, hissing as the light assaulted me, gripping the reins tighter.
Glesni chattered away to the guards on either side.
She cackled loudly, and I blew out a sharp breath, the noise vibrating around my cracking skull.
Glaring at her, my jaw tightened. How could she laugh?
She’d lost her wife, and here she was, laughing, chatting in the too pissing bright light, sat in her wagon like some sort of fucking god.
I raised my hand, scratching the itch at my neck, before staring resolutely ahead.
Asher called back, a warning about some stones.
Stones? Groaning, I scratched the damned same spot on my neck.
My sight was poor, I wasn’t fucking stupid.
I scratched again, harder this time. The fucking itch refused to go, spreading up my neck.
What if something had me? What if a spider was in my hair? Oh Gods, what if—
‘Sorrow!’ Matthias screamed my name.
I dragged fragments of burning air into my shattered lungs. Meeting his gaze, I almost lunged, desperate to gouge my nails into his skin. Destroy that perfect face of his. I lowered my clenched hand as he grabbed the reins, halting both our horses.
‘Fuck,’ he whispered.
I shivered so violently I wondered if the sun had set.
‘Your face, Sorrow. Your eyes.’
He ripped his glove off with his teeth, leaning across and swiping my cheek below my left eye.
He held up his hand. Blood smeared on his trembling fingers.
Blood from my eyes. I swallowed, my dry mouth unable to find any words.
The phantom itch seared by the back of my ear and I reached up, touching the spot driving me mad.
I straightened my spine as Matthias cried for Glesni.
‘Put her in my wagon,’ she said, any hint of mirth long gone from her voice.
Matthias leapt from his horse and, in a heartbeat, he’d taken my feet from the stirrups and I trembled in the safety of his arms.
‘Move,’ he yelled at Pablo, who’d been resting his huge head on Glesni’s lap. The wolf held me in his gaze. He knew. Even the damned wolf knew, and he leapt to the ground as Matthias gently sat me next to my mentor.
His eyes were wide, nostrils flared as he ran his hand under my eye, and I shoved him away, covering the spot with my own hand.
‘What is it?’ he asked. ‘It can’t… how can it be the blight, Glesni? How can this be happening?’
She leaned forward, shoving him away. ‘I told you she’d gone too long without using her gift. It’ll take a while for the blight to go. Now stop fussing, man, get back on that horse of yours.’
He took hold of my chin and gently turned me, scouring my face with his wide eyes. I took a settling breath.
‘It’s okay, Matthias. She’s right,’ I lied, my hand reaching across and finding Glesni’s. I clung to her leathery skin, and she squeezed back. My body trembled with the force of holding back the panic. ‘I’ll be fine.’
Forcing a smile on my face, pain slammed across my temple, and I prayed to Evella my eye wasn’t bleeding again.
Matthias’s mouth thinned as he took me in. ‘I should send you back…’
I swiped what I prayed was a tear from my cheek. ‘You dare, Elmswood.’
He exhaled deeply. ‘Perhaps we should call this all off. Return.’
‘Horse shit.’ Glesni gripped my hand tightly. ‘We need this Vyrium. Leave your wife with me. I’ll make sure she’s fine. Won’t I, Sorrow?’
I nodded, fighting back the tears as the simple action jolted through my mind.
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, and I wanted nothing more than to press against him, taste him, know him.
But this wasn’t the time – there may never be time.
So I sat back, crossed my hands over my lap and gave him what I hoped was a sincere smile.
He didn’t look convinced, but after a long sigh, nodded and returned to his horse.
We set off again, everyone checking on me every few steps. Once they were all finally as content as possible, Glesni leaned in, her body taut.
‘You’re dying, girl.’ I closed my eyes, knowing she was right. ‘I made an oath to Evella I’d never lose another Anomaly. I’m giving you till we reach the cliffs to come clean to your husband. To balance these damned gifts.’
‘I can’t do that,’ I whispered. The thought of facing up to the other gift, the risk to others, the blood…
‘You will, girl,’ she said, her withered face stern. ‘Because if you don’t, I will.’