Chapter 34
A single blinding strike illuminated the sky. Evella heaved a deep breath, softening the fragments’ descent, sinking them beneath the planet’s crust. Vyrium pulsing through our world’s arteries.
— THE HISTORIES AND PROPHECIES OF THE STAR-CROSSED GODS: CHRONICLES OF EVELLA
The exhaustion of the last few days claimed me as Matthias carried me deeper into the cave, his muscles shaking.
The darkness swallowed us as we made our way further into the paltry sanctuary, but there was still enough light to show the haunted shadows beneath his eyes, and the thin line of his lips told me what he thought about Ifan.
His nostrils flared as he exhaled, his head shaking, and I ran my fingers through the tangles of his dark hair.
‘I…’ Hurt shone in his eyes. ‘He’s not been right for months.’
He reached behind, wincing as he rubbed the base of his aching back, and a pang of guilt ran through as I realised how far he’d carried me.
‘My brother. I’ll crucify him when I get my hands on him.’
‘But he never returned?’
Pablo nuzzled me as my fingers curled into the warmth of his fur.
‘I don’t know. All I saw was a half-crazed diafol chasing the woman I love. I don’t remember anything but trying to get to you. It was so dark when I found your wolf… well, when he found me. Ifan could’ve gone back, but the need to find you consumed me. Going back without you was never an option.’
I stared at him, his eyes glinting in the sparse light of the small lamp he’d lit, my heart twisting at the words he hadn’t even realised he’d said.
‘The woman you love, eh?’
A grin, sheepish and shy, so unlike his, spread across his face.
I reached up, placing my hand on his stubbled cheek, trembling as he leaned into me.
His hands, still shaking, found my hips and tugged me into the warmth of his body.
He ran his nose down mine. I giggled at the sensation, holding him so tightly even Vyrus couldn’t tear us apart.
Swallowing thickly, the words I’d longed to say to him, that I’d regretted never telling him, faltered.
A low rumble ran through his chest, the vibrations sending shivers through my veins.
‘Yes,’ he replied, his voice a whisper caressing my cheek. ‘The woman I love. The woman who’s owned my heart for an entire lifetime. The one I’d tear this world and the next apart for, just to be close to her.’
My breath hitched as his lips hovered above mine, my fists gripping his crumpled shirt.
‘I don’t just love you.’ He whispered his vow across my lips, searing his words into every urgent beat of my heart.
‘You’re the star guiding me through the pitch of night.
My tether in the storm. I’ll rebuild this world for you.
Tear the cosmos from Vyrus’s hands, make you its queen, and it still won’t be enough to show you how I adore you. ’
I breathed him in. He’d always known the right words. My heart stuttered, pounding erratically as though it wanted to rip itself from my chest to reach him. Leaning forward, I placed a feather-light kiss on the corner of his mouth, warmth pooling at the sound of his moan.
‘I…’ The words fluttered. I sucked in a deep breath, recalling how a few short hours ago I’d have sold my soul to Vyrus for this chance to tell him the depth of my love.
I’d never have those pretty words he did, but only three of them mattered right now.
‘I never thought I’d see you again in this life.
A near-death experience really helps to focus emotions. ’
He kissed the tip of my nose.
‘I really do love you, Matthias Elmswood.’
His eyes closed as one hand snaked behind me, and his mouth found mine, warm lips moving agonisingly slowly against mine.
His hand cupped the back of my neck, guiding me towards him, a whimper on the lips he caressed.
His mouth worshipped mine, testing, learning as though we had all the time in the world to finally discover each other.
He moved along my jaw, teeth scraping, nipping the tender skin.
A soft breath escaped as I arched into him, offering my neck as my hands slid along the planes of his chest, smiling as I elicited a moan from him in return.
With his mouth working along my collarbone, the desire within built, growing like a wave as his hands explored.
Touches, light, curious, swelling with promised faith in time to each frantic heartbeat.
I grabbed his face, lifting so I could kiss those tempting lips again, when we froze.
Pab’s hackles rose. My blood chilled at the scuffing of boots upon the dry ground.
I extinguished the lamp as Matthias grabbed my hand, our fingers entwining.
Pablo went to Matthias’s other side, and my husband grabbed the scruff of his neck.
We crept away, my heart a jumble of panic and want, pounding like a tempest.
The hairs on my arms rose the further we went into the labyrinthine caverns.
There’d been no thudding boots for what must have been hours.
I shivered, and Matthias removed his cloak, wrapping it around me.
Even in the shadows, even when he couldn’t see me, he knew me.
Not a word passed between us, though Matthias signalled to his boots.
I refused. I’d be quieter in socks though the boot might help with my ankle.
The darkness of the caves devoured us. Matthias grasped the wolf as I clutched his arm.
The wolf took such tentative steps it must have been too dark for even his eyes.
My knees shook by the time we found light splitting through the stone temple above us, illuminating a cavern where water trickled down ebony walls.
Pablo limped over and, for the first time, I wondered about what he’d been through.
He sniffed a puddle of standing water before he lapped thirstily.
Matthias guided me down, and Pab stepped back, licking his damp maw before issuing a single high bark.
‘I think it means we’re safe.’
I cupped the water in my trembling hands, spilling half of the sacred liquid before it met my cracked lips.
Matthias placed his hands over mine, his thumb sweeping over my pulse, before he settled cross-legged and scooped the water for me.
‘Don’t tell him, but I’m actually starting to warm to that wolf of yours,’ he said, placing his hands next to my lips and tipping the cool water down my throat.
I moaned as the liquid ran through me. He scooped once more, bringing the water my way, but I shook my head and gently pushed his hands towards his own mouth.
Pablo lay down with a sigh, laying his snout on his huge paws. We sat there, taking it in turns to quench our thirst, while I ran my fingers over Pab’s back, never wanting to let him go.
‘So you’ll stop trying to swap him for a stick?’
Matthias released a tired chuckle, nodding his head as his hair flopped across his eyes.
‘I can guarantee I’ll never make that request again.’
He attempted to pet the wolf’s head. Pab snarled, exposing his fangs as Matthias yanked his fingers back. ‘I’m still a king, you oversized pup. You’d make a fine cloak.’
‘Hey.’ I slapped his arm, and he chuckled, before a dark look passed over his face, and he glanced down at his hands.
‘Walking though those caves, in the dark with nothing but your wolf…’ He swallowed, raising his gaze to mine. ‘Not knowing where my feet would land, if I’d hit a wall…’ He shook his head. ‘You’re a wonder, Sorrow.’
I heaved in a huge breath. ‘I’m not blind though… not yet.’
His fingers laced with mine, sealing the fissure in my chest stitch by stitch.
‘They said if Romero had got a healer in time, it wouldn’t have been so… damaging. But, for whatever reason, he hesitated. Perhaps he thought I’d die and he’d finally be rid of me. By the time the healer came, they couldn’t stop my sight from fading, only slow down the process.’
Tears stung as I focused on our interlocked hands, how his eclipsed mine. He waited, as though he knew how much I needed to say the words.
‘As it was, she managed to reduce the damage behind my left eye, but the right was too far gone. I don’t want to be scared by it.
I know my sight will fade. One day, I won’t see the leaves or the birds; I won’t see the faces of the people I love or read the books I adore.
I’ve already put away my sketchbooks, the charcoal and paints.
It’s the one thing I miss the most.’ I swiped away a stray tear as I recalled the haze of becoming lost with a stick of charcoal or the streaks of thick paint.
‘In a strange way, I’m lucky. I know it’s coming, so I try my hardest to store every detail, every memory for when…
’ Sniffing, I ran my thumb over his. ‘I once met an old man who’d lost his sight.
He’d had measles as a child. Woke up from a fever into the shadows.
He was so cheerful, so positive. I remember listening to the joy in his laugh.
Real joy. How everyone gravitated to him, and I realised he wasn’t a blind man.
He was a warm, kind, witty soul and that’s what I wanted.
I wanted to be Sorrow Villente, researcher, writer…
useful. And yes, I’ve been a tad reluctant to accept help on occasion, but I’m learning. I’m growing.’
The pale light illuminated his smile. I narrowed my eyes as the question I should have asked the moment we met again burst out.
‘Why, Matthias?’
His smile faded.
‘Why didn’t you ever come to me after the accident? I woke up and you weren’t there. You were never there, and that hurt more than my shattered bones. It broke me, Matthias. You broke me.’
He took a shuddery breath. ‘Sorrow, I tried. I tried to reach you.’ His voice cracked over his words.
‘But I was a child. A guard found me going into the servants’ tunnels and Romero…
he beat me so badly I-I couldn’t even sit down.
But I still tried. Every day, every night, I fought so hard to get you, but he always had the upper hand. He told me… told me you hated me—’
‘That’s not true!’
His eyes flew up to mine, filled with shock, and he pulled me onto his lap, cradling me.
‘But the accident, Sorrow. I caused it. I told you—’
‘Shut up,’ I yelled, twisting my head to see him better.
Shades of ghosts danced through his eyes, the grief and guilt tearing him apart.
I placed my hand over his thumping heart and it was instantly covered with his.
‘I was the one who rode my horse at the hedge. I was the one taking the risk, and yes, I paid for it, but fuck Matthias, since when did I ever do as I was told?’
His lip trembled as though a thousand emotions flooded through him.
‘Was that why you married me?’ I asked. ‘Because you felt guilty?’
His eyes widened. ‘No, no. I’ve spent eight long years trying to find you.
Trying to get you. When I was called back to Asmar, I should have been relieved, proud I’d finally become a king, but I wasn’t.
I even put off going home because I wanted you.
I asked him for you. Told him I’d bring you back with me, but still that fucker refused to let me see you.
Refused to even let me say goodbye. When I left Drufaera, I left my heart and soul behind. ’
The clipping of Pablo’s nails receded as he tottered away.
‘Then out of the blue, Enfys sent a letter. I hadn’t heard from her in years, even when my bloody mother tried to arrange an alliance between us.
But when I read it, when I knew what he was planning to do…
I defied everyone to demand your return and, yes, I lied to him, and I forced you into a marriage and for that, I’ll always carry guilt, but I was ready to defy them all; the Sisters of Evella, The Alliance.
Damn, Sorrow, I was ready to anger Vyrus for you. ’
My throat tightened as his words struck home and the final crack smoothed.
My quivering hands cupped his face, tears flowing down my cheeks.
All those years I’d carried this ache. This man, the boy I loved, never abandoned me.
A sob escaped as I moved closer, the weak light illuminating his eyes and his truth.
He’d never left me, not truly. We may not have shared the same space, but we’d shared the same soul.
We always had.
Always would.
‘Let the guilt go.’ I kissed the base of his throat, my fingers twining his hair.
‘I swear on Evella, there’s not one single reason to carry it.
You’ve saved me in more ways than you’ll ever know.
And yes’ – I placed kiss after kiss along his neck till I pulled away and met his hooded gaze – ‘I may not have accepted a proposal, but I’d choose you every damn time, Matthias. Every. Single. Time.’