Chapter 18 Ariana
ARIANA
Shay’s nails scraped across the stone as we rushed down the palace halls. I turned the corner and hardly stopped in time before running into the Sidhe King. My hand flew to my chest in surprise, while my heart nearly jumped out of my throat.
His lip curled at the side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He stood outside the door to the room where we always broke our morning fast. Typically, I entered to find him seated and waiting for me. This differed from what I quickly grew accustomed to. “Are you hungry?”
I woke feeling a bit ill that morning. The thought of forcing food down my throat was not appealing. “Honestly, no.”
He glanced down at the wolf before meeting my gaze once more. “Care to go for a walk through one of the gardens instead?”
I peered down at Shay.
“Your wolf can join, if you wish,” he added, extending the invitation.
I swallowed, forcing my attention back up. “I would like that.”
We moved through the halls side by side, an awkward silence surrounding us. My heart not once slowed, even as I tried intentionally drawing steady breaths through my nose.
“That stagnant air around you has not returned,” I commented, desperate to fill the space with words. As if they could provide some sort of buffer between us.
“You didn’t like it,” he said with a shrug. “And I don’t think I care for it much now, anyway.”
He opened an unimpressive door that led to a very unusual garden.
The area was small and private. A little pond glistened in the center, a single large tree with a bench beneath it, and blooming flower beds, despite it being winter, filled the area.
A curved path weaved around the small quaint space.
“You expected something grander?” Clause asked with a smile, observing my reaction as I absorbed everything I saw.
“No. Well, yes, I suppose. But this is truly lovely.” And it was. There was something warm about it, safe, even nestled in the walls of the castle that imprisoned me.
“Care to sit for a bit?” He directed us towards the bench bathed in warm sunlight.
“Sure.” I took a seat and watched as Shay took it upon herself to explore the small space. Her nose sniffed as she made her way around the perimeter. All her attention and focus appeared to be on her surroundings, though I knew she kept a tab on me the entire time.
“Last night,” Clause began, only to pause. My heart instantly went wild against my ribs as a nervous energy settled in my bones. “Why did you pull away from me?”
I needed more time to think of a response, but the panic coursing through me made it harder for my brain to string coherent thoughts together. “What do you mean?” I asked, playing dumb and regretting the question as soon as it slipped past my lips.
His attention heavily remained on me, though flew over my face as if searching for something. “Last night we shared a moment, and you pulled away,” he stated. “Is it fear of me?”
My throat suddenly felt scratchy, the sun uncomfortably warm as I did my best to not squirm.
How to answer such a question? One thing was certain.
Clause expected those around him to lie for their own selfish reasons.
If I wanted to reach him, to possibly ever help him see the world for the better instead of the cold, dangerous place he assumes it to be, then I needed to be honest. I needed to show him he could trust me.
My body heated with discomfort. “That’s part of the reason. Anyone would be stupid to not be cautious when around you.”
His head tilted. “And what is the other part of the reason?”
I sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a moment. “You mean other than you killing someone important to me?”
He nodded. “If there is another reason.”
“My heart belongs to another,” I told him my truth.
A smile took his face before he tilted his head back and laughed wholeheartedly. His response threw me off. When his eyes landed on me once more, there was a challenging glint to them. “That’s what you believe? That whoever this person is who you think holds your heart is your match?”
My entire body tensed. “Why wouldn’t they be?”
Laughter took him once more. He strangely seemed almost relieved.
As if he worried more about my fearing him than this.
His gaze met mine again. “You are so much more than whoever this person is. They are not your partner, your other half. They could never be.” He spoke with such certainty that it was offensive.
I scoffed. “I can’t expect you to understand.”
“And why do you think not?” Gray eyes met mine with a challenge.
“You keep the world at such a distance. You do not know love or what it means to care for another.” He couldn’t possibly understand.
He viewed me, some of his joy disappearing. “You are wrong. I know what it is to love.” The way his voice softened had me nearly believing him.
The response took me by surprise. “You do?”
“I have had a mate.” His lips curved into a sad smile, and he turned from me, looking out over the small pond. “She was exquisite.”
I couldn’t imagine it, Clause loving someone, choosing to let someone come close, caring for one another. “What happened?”
He turned back to me. “She was a lot like you. Spirited, fierce, never afraid to challenge me.” He smiled softly at whatever memory those words triggered for him. “We loved one another. She was my partner. My equal.”
“A conjurer?”
He nodded. “Yes. Mist, like you. She could become it, as I think you can too.”
“Become it?” My eyes grew larger as I viewed him. He was divulging so much information, breadcrumbs thrown left and right. I did not know which trail to follow.
“She also had a gift from both the light and dark Spirits. Sometimes there is a perfect mixture of both. To where your soul ties to the dark spirit’s world as a tether, allowing your body to dissolve with the light Spirit’s conjuring without losing your life.
It is an incredibly rare gift, a perfect balance, but some elemental conjurors can channel enough to leave their bodies. To become the thing they command.”
Could I really do something like that? It sounded unreal, though the way Clause spoke with such conviction, I couldn’t help but wonder. “She sounds... remarkable,” I mumbled a response while my mind tried to make sense of everything.
“She is.” He turned to me, eyes softening. “She was.” There was pain there, loss.
“What happened to her?” I asked, not knowing if I should. Yet this was a rare opportunity to learn more of what made the Sidhe King into the being that sat beside me.
Clause took a deep breath and turned from me once more. “She challenged me, and I loved that about her. My father hated that she did that. Someone bold enough to challenge his heir must be bold enough to plot against the King.”
My stomach dropped, and I feared I knew where this story would go.
“One night, after finishing my day’s duties, I returned to our room.
She laid on the bed, unmoving.” His eyes slid shut, but he continued talking.
“The air was charged with darkness. It was so heavy. I knew, before even seeing her, that something was wrong.” His eyes opened yet continued looking forward, focused on nothing in particular.
“I approached the bed, finding her throat slit, blood everywhere. The sheets drenched with it.”
My hand moved to my mouth, though I made not a single sound.
“I took her into my arms and her body was still so warm. Whoever had done it must have just been there. I ran out of the room, rushing to alert my father. When I entered his chambers, he was washing blood off his hands. He didn’t even try to hide it.
Instead, he told me he took care of the threat.
That I would be all the stronger for it. ”
Clause released a strangled breath. “She was not the only death that night.” He paused for a single heartbeat. “I killed him. My blade cut through him so smoothly despite all the things inside of a body. I sliced into him over and over until his blood drenched the floors.”
He finally turned. Cold gray eyes settled on me. “So, I know what it is like to love.”
My mouth dried. “I am so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
His gaze softened, and he lifted his hand.
The backs of his fingers brushed my hair back over my shoulder, pulling it away from my face.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Eventually, you will understand that whoever this person is, who you think holds your heart, they are not strong enough to hold it.”
My ribs felt like a cage, keeping me from being able to breathe effectively. “And you think you are?” Was that really what he was insinuating?
“I know I am.” His voice was soft and certain. Not a threat, but a promise.
I shook my head before rising to my feet, putting distance between us. “And what if I refuse you?” How long would his patience last? Did he expect me to sell myself to him to ensure the protection of the Bavadrins and Lysians?
A brief look of disgust passed over his features. “I would never force a woman to be with me if she didn’t desire it. You are free to refuse for as long as you can bear it.”
As long as I can bear it? He was delusional. The certainty that he knew the outcome would be in his favor was preposterous.
My hands balled into fists at my side. “And if I never want you the way you wish for me to? Would you kill me?” If he saw me as possibly being able to grow into being his equal, then letting me live when I opposed him would be a threat.
His eyes narrowed. “I will never kill you.” Another promise spoken into existence. The finality of it felt in my bones. He meant those words. Or he was remarkably good at pretending.
My entire body tensed. “How can you say something like that?” How could a King who kept such a distance from all allow me to wander so close to his heart? And then promised protection when it came to my life. He knew almost nothing about me.
He got to his feet, rising to his full height. His face was unreadable, no trace of emotion in those cold eyes. “Someday, you will understand.”
There was more to the story. Things he was not telling me. “You do not intend to shed light on this right now?”
His lips curved into a smirk. “No. Not today.”