Chapter 21 Ariana
ARIANA
Cold silver eyes meet mine before sliding down my figure. Taking in the robe I wore, covering the thigh-high nightgown underneath. After bathing, I put on something comfortable and crawled back into bed.
Clause’s gaze stopped at my face and softened with a tinge of concern. “Did I wake you?” The plate in his hand lowered at his side. He seemed truly apologetic at the notion of disturbing my rest.
My hair swayed gently as I shook my head. “I tried to rest, but it never came.” I eyed the plate, filled with food. “Thank you for bringing that, but I am afraid my head is still spinning, and I am too nauseous to eat anything.”
His unyielding stare held mine. “I can leave it in your room, in case you change your mind.” It was a request to enter the chamber without actually asking the question.
The two of us had spent plenty of time alone, so why did this feel more uncomfortable than what was typical?
“Okay.” I stepped aside, letting him in. Knowing that he wished to speak about more than the food, and so did I. There were questions burning through me, demanding answers, preventing me from rest. I gently closed the door behind him.
He walked to the bedside table, lowering the plate onto it, before facing me once more.
“You were reckless today,” he said. The words sounded so simple from his lips, yet carried a strange weight.
A power drifted out of him, one that commanded the very room he stood in.
It came from a dark place. He was the shadow that snuffed out all the light.
The shadow that took no prisoners. The shadow that pulled everything into a dark abyss from which there was no escape.
Except I refused to move, refused to allow him to cast that shadow over me.
An unease roamed through the room, sending my pulse climbing.
“I wouldn’t have had to be if your healers actually healed your people,” I stated, refusing to let his presence rattle me.
His jaw twitched, the only sign of his displeasure. “That has to be earned.”
“A boy’s life hung in the balance.” I took a single step towards him, my words a challenge. Why was he so stuck in this way of thinking?
“If he is too weak to survive, then he is too weak to serve. This is the way of life. The strong remain, the weak do not.”
Even though Clause once said he saw me as his potential equal, it was clear he also saw me as weak in caring for others. His views drove me mad.
Anger simmered under my skin, heating me. The rush of emotion made my head spin even faster. I didn’t have the energy to oppose him in his deepest thoughts. So instead, I asked for something else. “Why do you keep the conjurors in this city and the others outside?”
His gaze narrowed.
“I have been honest with you this entire time. Can you say the same?” I pressed when he didn’t answer.
He approached, shoulders moving with each step, like a stalking panther, stopping just out of reach. His jaw set, features strong and regal. “You already know the answer. You just have not connected the dots.”
I sucked in a deep, steadying breath. “Why not help me then? Because right now, I am too tired to connect much of anything.” It was an effort just to stand without swaying.
His lip curved into a crooked smile at my words. “Sometimes, those who are the weakest are the greatest threat,” he stated, something he had already shared with me before.
My brows pulled together. “Non-conjurors are a threat to conjurors?”
Clause pivoted, his attention drifting towards the window, and he paced towards it in a few steps.
The candlelight flickered, highlighting the sharp features of his profile.
“My father was not a conjuror. It is the reason I had to spill his blood. Forced to use a blade, over and over.” A look of disgust curled his lip.
“It is a filthy thing, taking life in such a way, staining my hands with someone so... undeserving.”
The shock of what he was saying settled over me.
“You are afraid of them.” My words were a whisper. The massive mystery of why the separation existed, explained by the Sidhe King’s fears. It made sense. Clause could take the life of a conjuror with a single touch, but those who had no gifts stood a chance against him, and he feared that.
Having so many conjurors in the Sidhe city overwhelmed me because I saw them as a great threat. Yet, it is those without gifts that threatened him. Conjurors were a shield he easily controlled. That meant those without gifts could become the blade that would be his undoing.
Clause turned to me so quickly; I flinched back. “I know my weaknesses, and I remove them,” he stated, voice cold and cunning. He stood before me, a pillar of strength, yet deep within he was afraid, like the rest of us. But he didn’t have to be.
I shook my head. “You do not have to live this way.” He was allowing his fears to control him.
If only he gave those outside his city a chance, and treated them like his own, then they likely wouldn’t fight against him, would have no need to.
They were an enemy of his own creation, and he was too nearsighted to see that.
He sighed, bringing a hand to rub his temples briefly before dropping it to his side.
When his gaze met mine once more, it lost some of its edge.
“You continue to believe this notion that you are safe, even with weakness flowing around you.” He shook his head.
“You are blinded. It is not possible to be surrounded only by good. Trusting others is not enough. Fear is the only way to rule. You must have power over it. You must control the fear of others, and you must exterminate your own.”
He took a slow step, entering my space. Lifting his hand, his fingers brushed my cheek, warming it.
The touch was so strangely intimate that it rendered me immobile.
“You have been living in a fantasy and though it is beautiful, it is not real. I can clear the shadow of this illusion. I can bring your world into the light. If you want it.” His hand fell to his side, head tilting as if waiting for a reply.
“What do you mean?” A danger circled me, an uncertainty stalking me. It paced through the space, rubbing up against me before settling into a crouch, waiting to strike.
He stepped even closer, and with him, that dangerous sensation grew.
“You need to decide what you want, Ariana. Do you want the truth?” A darkness misted over his eyes.
“I must warn you, I take no pleasure in bringing you pain, but that is exactly what I will do, if that is what you need. I can free you from the shackles of this fantasy you live. I can show you your world for what it truly is.”
My throat closed up, a tremor running down my spine. “What truth?”
“Do you wish to know?” There was something captivating in the way he asked the question. Like it was a promise instead of a question.
“Yes,” I answered softly.
“Even if it may destroy a part of you?”
My heart skipped a beat. Why was this conversation having such an effect? Did I believe I lived in a world surrounded by lies? No. And yet, nervous energy vibrated under my skin.
“Yes,” I finally said, not understanding what exactly I agreed to.
He nodded, gaze briefly cast down in thought.
“The day after tomorrow, we will not break our fast together. At noon, come to the throne room. Exactly at noon, no sooner. I will leave the door open for you, feel free to linger in the hall and listen in for as long as you wish. And if you choose to enter the room, you are welcome to do so.”
I swallowed, my head reeling. He seemed to sense my uncertainty and stepped even closer, his eyes softening with concern. Was it a concern for me or for something else?
“You are so beautiful.” His hand found my cheek once more. I should have stepped away, yet my feet remained planted firmly beneath me. “The purity of your soul, the curiosity you have with the world.”
I could no longer breathe right, causing the room to spin even more than before.
“It is your weakness, but it is also one of the things that has always drawn me to you.” His words were gentle and though I didn’t quite understand them, they did something to me.
Warmth spreads through my chest at his proximity.
At his touch. “If I have to help destroy that part of you for you to live on, then without hesitation, I will.” His gaze dipped to my lips.
“I just want to taste you, once, with you still like this. With you surrounded in hope.”
No.
“Clause.” His name was hardly a whisper slipping past my lips. It was a warning. And instead of causing him to hesitate, it was as if I called him closer.
I did not get a chance to voice the rest of my words. The please don’t, that died in my throat.
All the distance between us vanished. The Sidhe King’s mouth pressed to mine, arms circling me in an instant.
I was immediately overwhelmed by him. My heart felt as though it exploded in my chest. My brain made little sense of anything as if his touch turned it to sludge.
I pressed my hand to his chest, a halfhearted effort to push him away.
And though I couldn’t think clearly, I felt everything.
Our breaths mingled moments before his tongue slipped into my mouth, colliding with mine.
There was not a bit of hesitation when it came to the way he kissed me.
None of the typical exploration of each other that would have been expected for a first kiss.
Instead, he simply devoured me. As if starved.
He took me as though I had always been his for the taking.
And the way his hands gripped me, moving over my flesh with need, my body responded.
It was as if his soul somehow whispered to mine.
His touch burned through me with a strange certainty. Fingers traveling across my skin, over the contours of my body.
No. I needed to stop this. Some shred of my brain worked enough to know this, but it was as if some sort of spell was cast over me. I was not myself, at least not entirely.
His fingers slid up the back of my neck before spearing through my hair.
A moan slipped past my lips.
Suddenly, we moved two steps back, and he pressed me against a wall. His mouth was relentless as it consumed me. His leg forced its way between mine, causing my robe to part and the nightgown to ride up on my thigh. One of his hands drifted up over my breast before stopping at my neck.
Fear sliced through me, of what I was allowing to happen. And with it came a trickle of clarity.
His other hand released my hair and found my thigh, gripping it possessively. When his fingers started rising higher up my leg, a burst of energy moved through me and my hand found his wrist, stilling him.
Finally, he pulled back, our lips parting. Though he didn’t remove his body from mine, keeping me trapped between him and the wall.
I was nearly panting, trying to catch my breath while I viewed him, uncertain of how he would respond. Afraid of how he might respond.
Sadness tainted his eyes as they searched mine.
“I will free you from the lies that have surrounded you from birth. I will show you how cold the world truly is. And know that when you need shelter, when you need truth, that I have been one of the few in your life to truly give it to you.” His hand found one of mine, and he brought it to his lips, kissing my palm.
The act was incredibly tender. For someone capable of so much cruelty, I was stunned by the moments when he was gentle.
He then stepped away, releasing me completely.
I remained there, leaning against the wall, unable to move or even speak.
He took another step back before finally breaking our stare, glancing at the tray of food. “You should eat something if you can stomach it.” He peered at me when I didn’t reply. “Goodnight Ariana.” He dipped his head before excusing himself from my room.
I couldn’t respond to anything he said. Instead, images of what we did replayed in my mind over and over. It was just a kiss, but why did it feel like something deeply disturbing? It was wrong in every way. And yet, it was as if my blood responded beyond my control.
I did not want him. Not him.
Thought of Erik slammed into me with such force that I choked.
Tears lined my eyes, and I slid down to the floor.
What in Spirit’s name was I doing?